Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW 11

Now suga buga, what are you suggesting?

I'm gonna fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up, fall, get up....(gotta say it real fast).

Sounds like the story of the man and woman in the dark.
"Oops, I'm sorry. I slipped and I stuck my thumb in your belly button."
"That's not my belly button."
"That's not my thumb."

H4H, I noticed on your last thread you mentioned some women friends. I especially noticed your Filipino friend because I also had a Filipino friend during my separation. She was one of the most beautiful women I'd ever met, she cried with me, empathized with me, validated me and then kicked my ass to the curb just as I separated. Actually, she just ditched me without any discussion. I assume it was because our friendship was becoming a little more intimate than it was supposed to be. My point being that I was pretty messed up by that, I allowed myself to get caught up in a situation that I wasn't ready to deal with. So, although I understand the allure, don't go there, don't tell yourself you can handle it cuz you can't! We are damaged goods right now, we can't be there for anyone else relationship wise and we shouldn't be there until we've got our own sh!t together. Be very careful right now with any woman who you see as a friend but also as a desirable woman...bad combo right now. Been there, done that...don't you!

The movie starts at 6:50 here. Last show of the night and the only one I could make because of work. What time is yours?

kat

what,

unfortunatly, I have a lot of women friends. I get a lot of crap for it. My mind wanders a lot and I post about it. I have let myself be lured one of them more than I should. But I'm really just looking for friendships.

They are all desirable is the problem. I think they all think of me as the hurting big brother and just care for me and I read into more than I should.

The only one that might have motive is B. That one just really hit me yesterday as I was posting about the time we went out for her bday.

Funny how I had forgotten that night.


This evening didn't start off very well. I got off later than usual. Just after 6pm. I raced to the apartment to try to beat GBG to her place. I really try not to see her. By the time I got there, she was already there. Maybe by 5 minutes.

D6 was tired and not cooperating. She didn't want to leave. D11 wanted to go to the bookstore. I say we can't, and she is whining. S14 was still snacking and not ready to leave at all. I was upset because I had called D11 to let her know I was 20 minutes away and to get her and her sister ready to go. She got herself ready. Now everyone was comfortable. Looking at my watch as usual when I'm there. Asking them to get ready, its time to go.
"Are you in a hurry?" GBG asks, of course with that look.
"I want to get home. Need to get dinner ready."
"I was going to cook them hamburgers, but they said they weren't hungry."
"Ok, come on kids, your dad wants to go."
D11 whines.
"Come on. He's tired and he still needs to cook dinner."

Then she wants to talk some more. About the robbery now. The Fers also hit a Bank of America the same day. Thats why I emaileed GBG that day. Robbers do that sometimes. Hit a couple places at once. I'm trying not to talk too much.

We start to talk about D6. Already got in trouble at school yesterday. I missed a small note written in her calendar. They usually write a separate note. We talk to D6 a little. I keep trying to get them going, but they are as slow as molasses. Finally getting going, D6 says again she doesn't want to go. GBG tells her to go, she'll be back. She needs to spend time with dad too. She walks us to car.

Kids are sad to go. I knew it was going to happen. Another reason why I want to pick them up before she gets home. Just easier on the kids. On the way home, I talk to them. I ask if they really want to stay or go home with me. Let me know. Be honest. They say its my time. I let them know that I know its hard, but what happens when they are with their mom for a week.
"We miss you."
"Thats right. We all have to get used to this. Me too."

I told them that when they do that in front of mom, mom thinks that they don't want to be with me but rather mom. I know her. She was probably thinking how I'm taking them when they would rather be with her. I ask D11 is she understands. I see S14 nodding in agreement.

Before we got home, in the quiet, I began to tear up. I F'ing HATE this. Get home and start on dinner. S14 invites his friend over and they all go and jump on the tramp. Having a good time.

GBG calls me. She asks about a finance company that has a lien on her Yukon. They might pick it up. She hasn't driven it since last Oct. Motor went out, and we can't fix it. Same with my Volvo. Haven't driven it since May. Leaks water and oil. We talk about some finances. I tell her that I'm in the same boat. I advise her on what to tell them.

She asks about D6. I tell her she was fine, just really tired. She agrees. I tell her that it is just hard on them. She asks about maybe keeping for 2 weeks at a time. Hard for them to get settled. She keeps pausing. Like she wants to say something. Both of us.

"And if they ever want to see you, I would always let them. I would never keep them from you. I hope you would do the same."
"I have told them the same thing. Many times."
"We have to think about whats best for them. Make it as easy as possible."
"I know. Its just hard all around."
Again we pause in thought, I guess. We tells me that she will cook some dinner for them tomorrow night. She know we will both be off later than usual. I tell her that I'm taking them to grandma's and she is planning on Red Lobster for the girls. Some discussion on that. She asks about dinner tonight. I told her what I was cooking.

"So don't worry about dinner tomorrow."
"Okay. I won't worry about dinner tomorrow." Couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic.
"Okay. Welllll, I'll let you go" she says.
"Ok. Bye."
"bye"

Our whole conversation was like both of us just down. We spoke so quiet to each other.

AFter, I F'ing broke down again. I almost texted her again.
"I can't tell you this face to face, but I do really miss you."

I erase it.

Again.

Why do I let this happen? I can't stand it!

I go to watch the kids having so much fun outside and I gather myself. I have work to do. Finish dinner. Get D6 in the shower. Wash dishes. Help D11 with a project. Make plans for the girls tomorrow. Tell S14 to be sure to pack his things for tomorrow.

I can't believe I do this to myself. I'm trying so hard. I tell myself that I want to be done with her.

My heart F'ing heart tells me something else. My damn heart.

And I forgot. B texted me this morning about tomorrow night. Time and place.
"In case you can make it!"

I text her back that I have my girls this week and this weekend.


Okay, I also said that it's possible

Shows here are at 5:50 or 8:40. I don't get out until after 6pm. Then I have to pick up the girls and get them to grandma's. The drive from work to GBG's then to grandma's is at least one hour total.

What do you think?

H4H, sorry to interupt the movie discussion but I just want to clarify my last post. There is nothing wrong with having women friends, I have one who I hang out with and have known for many years. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are clear about your feelings about these friends. My friend is an attractive woman but I have never felt any longing for anything but friendship, the male/female thing has never been an issue. When you KNOW you see a woman friend as R material as well as a friend that is the time to be very careful. Don't make such friends key confidents and don't spend too much time with them. It's too easy to fall into something that may be validating at the time but in the long run may add to your woes. Female friends are great as long as you are very aware of how you see them and act accordingly. Also in this regard, listen to your friends. My friends used to laugh when I'd tell them that my Filipino friend and I were "just friends. The usual comment was "Sure, call it coffee friends or whatever else makes you feel good, but everyone knows where this is going including you two" I'd get pissed, but they were right. So listen to your friends when they say sh!t like that, what you are going through right now can make your own personal judgement a bit suspect. (Btw, your friends, as mine did, will most likely support you in looking to a new R cuz they hate to see you hurt...but ignore their judgement on that count )
OK, sermon is now over. Enjoy your movie!

If I have to explain it then the story about the man and woman in the dark really was about a thumb and belly button.

I'm with the rest of em' if its truly friendship you seek, then thats fine, if it has the possibility of crossing the line, back away, it would just cause more trouble than it would be worth. Just my .02.

H4H

U know that.

I will let it be your call. Let me know what you decide to do.

kat

8:40 show it is.

Wish the times were closer together. But maybe that's better. Might feel like a real "date"

Then you know me. I might try the yawn and stretch move on ya'

If I had your cell #, I'd be "talking" throughout the movie, too. "Ooh, did you see that? I bet this is gonna happen. How stupid was that? Look! Look!" Hate that in real life, though.