Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy trying to be patient and strong (2 or 3?)

Yeah, bubbly is probably a good word, most of the time anyway. I have to say in some ways it's been tough the last week b/c H has always handled the car repairs and that kind of stuff, so doing it on my own was strange, but probably good for me! I've also been enjoying H's being gone/apathy as it does make life less stressful for me not having to deal with him, but I do feel sorry for the kiddos. I think they have just gotten kind of used to H's apathy re: them which is sad. But they get lots of attention/love from me and friends and therapist so hopefully that is enough! Karen

Karen,

Lawyers aren't going to care about the who-said-what's, unless it's something that rises to the level of verbal abuse of you or the kids.

No, I was talking about things like:

- FINANCIAL stuff -- how he spends the marital assets. Anything he can't account for is going to be assumed to be "squandering marital assets," especially if there is proof of that on other expenditures;

- KIDS' CARE stuff. Who drives them to and from school, to and from activities, who helps them with their homework, etc.;

- KIDS CONTACT (is he phoning them when he's not with them, etc.)

- CONCRETE evidence of his infidelity (phone logs, pictures, recordings (if legal in FL, which they're not ;o), credit card receipt (see "Marital Assets, Squandering of", above), etc.

Those are just a few; your attorney should be able to give you a more complete list of the types of things you'll want to be noting and gathering.

Puppy

[/quote]Thanks! That's all good for me as you know!!! You know he stopped the name-calling verbal abuse a lot the past couple months since he hired the L I guess to try to distance himself from that, although you know he still says the stuff he does. I was thinking he has improved in that, but wonder if the improvement is temporary until after the divorce now that you say that. Like he just "improved" maybe for legal reasons?

I'm going to have to ask my L about that; I'm thinking that his behavior might change again for the worse after the D and how I can protect me/the kids if that happens too. But I will use your advice also. You know my L has been out of town for almost a month but gets back Tuesday and I believe I will be calling her next week to update her!

I appreciate your advice!!! My brother says he thinks maybe the L doesn't believe some of what has been going on or something; he told her some of H's behavior the past year or 2 and he said she sounded like she maybe didn't believe him. Maybe it's hard to believe or some people lie when they are getting divorced or make their spouse sound worse just for legal reasons, but you know that is not the case for me. I've actually tried to hold back some bad stuff about H, but she has pried it out of me (b/c I can't lie) so I think I have told her pretty much everything, but will document that kind of stuff for her too.

As the day goes on I am getting that dread in my stomach again that I will have to see him tomorrow. It's been a nice vacation for me not having to see him!!! I'm sure he is going to freak tomorrow when he sees the 2 downed trees and our porch is poofing out a little bit too since the storm. More justification for him to want to sell the house (like anyone would want it at this point)!!!! Karen
Karen

karen, just always be holding a baseball bat when you have to talk to him face to face. Just kind of be waving it around a little for emphasis.

Maybe that'll stop the jackass from talking sh*t to you.

That's all you can do. My H knew my transmission fluid needed to be changed. He said 2 weeks ago "I'll call around and get you a good price". Well, he never did, so I did, and went and got it changed. He saw the bill on the table, and I thought *for sure* he would criticize me. He didn't. But he has in the past.

I had the answer prepared that was suggested on your thread "I did what I thought was best in the situation".



Us parents wouldn't be any other place than with our kids. Unfortunately our spouses will take advantage of that, and forget their responsibilities, banking on the 100% knowledge that we WILL take care of things at home.

(((Karen))) I know how hard it is to have to deal with someone who is totally unreasonable and my heart goes out to you.

You have done really well and H doesn't have the right to say anything at this point. His decisions and actions speak volumes. Please do what Puppy suggests as it really will benefit you in the end. A journal will also help you to remember some of this stuff and will help with the goal setting and keeping.

I admire your strenght and grace in such a jacked up situation.

Be strong today, kar.

Show him that YOUR in charge of your stuff. Doing it YOUR way. Don't say anything about asking the L this or asking the C that. YOUR in charge and they work for you. Be a little snippy if you want to. You deserve to be, anyway. Or just leave him talking to himself, if you choose to. Or ignore him, like he doesn't even exist. Just go about with what you need to do. Let your strength, the wonderful strength that we see in you, shine through!

Don't let him tell you sh*t.

Okay, I'll stop.
And be sure to have that bat behind your back, just in case

H4H, thanks so much for that!!! I teared up a little when I read that it was so sweet (and I'm a littly mushy you know).

H came and left. Whew! He said good on that I didn't get the rental car insurance (I left him a voice mail to let me know if he wanted it and I would add it but didn't get it b/c it was 16.00 a day! and it turns out my car is not going to be ready until the 18th they say! And my car insurance covers the rental car also. He ragged on me a bit for where I parked but not too badly, b/c we have trees all over the yard so that was kind of stupid. And I said I was trying to avoid flooding (we had 27 inches and our yard floods a little sometimes with regular storms) so that's why I parked where I did. Then I think he was about to actually say I did a good job maybe, but interrupted himself to ask me if I had found out if I need to pay the $500 deductible to the insurance co. or the repair shop. I said I would call and find out, and he says in a snotty tone "that's the kind of thing you need to find out." Poor H having to be married to a total dummy like me, huh! Btw, I did have a little snippy in my tone today as you suggested, just a little, usually I use a friendly or neutral voice. Is that a good 180 or bad 180 though?

Then he had told me before he left he was going to take the kids tonight for sleepover (and probably date with OW), and then he tells me today he's decided to take them until Sunday sometime. He was starting to say he had told me of that, but then I think he remembered I had it in email (that he didn't) so he just said he had decided he would keep them extra b/c he was gone for so long. I said nothing.

Then I went upstairs to work out and didn't see him again. Well, I think he was nicer than I thought he would be (I've been literally feeling sick about seeing him today and his criticisms) so should be happy about that, but a little sad about missing the kids. But I have my goal list today and am going to work on that. I've got 10 goals now including I added finding a part-time job of course, and I am just thinking now I will add in do something fun for me each day as an 11th. I started working on them yesterday and it takes all day and more with all the goals I have, hopefully I can get some finished so it will be easier but most of them are life-long goals though!

I should have had the bat, but didn't but we were standing near the broom closet with the brooms and mop so I guess I could have grabbed one of those if H gave me too much trouble!!! Karen

The broom handle can probably be shoved a lot farther than the bat anyway...

I just knew that he HAD to say something negative to you. The jackass.

But you handled yourself well. I think it was a good 180, kar.

Its usually , , between ya'll

Now he can see more.

And thats a lot better for you. At least when it comes to him. The jackass.