I think you are right..."if she came back for the right reasons". That would be the hardest part; actually knowing whether it was because she wanted you or because she didn't want to be alone. If the opportunity presents itself, don't jump with both feet....suggest you are open to the possibility, but she needs to work on herself to determine if it's because she loves you and wants the marriage to work. You deserve nothing less if you are to take on this responsibility.
(((BC))) this is a REALLY good point. Its taken me a long time to get to this point, but a reconcilliation between my H and I is not even a consideration at this point. He has SO many things going on in his life, decisions to make, realizations to come to, etc... I'm just trying to be his friend and work on me. I can't tell you what to do, but I would put all thoughts of her coming back and making the marriage work until she has done whatever she needs to do and her life is a little more settled.
My reaction was exactly the same when I found out about OW being pregnant. I told my H to tell her to give it to us and we would raise it. I still know in my heart of hearts that I won't be mean to this child, but it will be a constant reminder of a very painful experience. Not only for me, but for my kids as well.
I will be here for you though. No matter what, you will get through it and life will go on.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
BC, I saw your new topic and went back and read thru your whole situation..what can I say I have an easy job.
I work nights, have a daughter who was 4 at the time wife left me for another man. Wife got pregnant and Mr Wonderful dumped her. I know what you are going thru and feel really bad for you.
I'll say this first, as I've read through your thead the major mistake you made was moving out. You've given excuse after excuse about why you couldnt do that or what how your wife would react. Move back in now! You can use the excuse of not wanting your wife to be alone or you know that money will be tight for her if she decideds to keep the child. But move back in right away!
I didnt post my story as it happened which I kind of regret looking back but I read away here and found alot good advice here. You cant rescue your wife here but think about your son. Your wife is in horrible shape mentally right now and your son needs you at home.
Just stopped by your thread. With my H acting so crazy having a mid-life crisis, you are a breath of fresh air. I have to say she is an idiot to let you go. I read all of these threads and you are a true romantic. God bless.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
Now that you know, does she still want it? She may be feeling quite humilated and that she still needs to do this even if you reassured her that you'd forgive her. I'm curious....
If you decide to ask her about this, I'd do it in a sort of "matter of fact," but very kind, non-pursuing manner. If she says she still wants to go through with this, just keep DBing and do everything as slowly as possible.... tell her nicely, "Okay, I'll get this signed, but first I need to show it to my attorney...." Then you go as slowly as you possibly can. Tell your attorney you want it sloooooow.
On the plus side, not too many guys want to date a pregnant woman (except maybe a child molester), on the other hand you have a hormonal woman and that could work against you.
Keep DBing!!! I think there's a chance. Hang in there...
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
don't know what to think about all this root, except I love her and don't want her to raise the baby alone. I will raise it as my own if she let's me. For most people, the child would be a constant reminder of infidelity. I feel every child is a gift from God, and no matter she has done I forgive her. Love conquers all, even if it isn't returned.
I imagine most men won't want a married woman who is also pregnant from another man. She is probably deathly afraid of getting involved elsewhere now. God please watch over her and our family......
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
just saw her tonight when she came to get our son. Told me to have a good night and threw her arms around me. Haven't been hugged like that in a year. Not reading into it though. Told her I was proud of her for not drinking and smoking and eating healthier. Told her she knows where her friend is if she needs him (me)
M 31 W 26 M 6 S 6 S 3 Separated 6/2008 Back together 10/2008 All you need is love
I have been reading most of your situations. I agree that holding a grudge is not the answer. It just eats you up inside.
I also would not read to much into a hug. Me and my W messed around last week and now it is back to seeing OM. It does hurt a whole lot, but I was more skeptical last week then I was in the past.
I hope your wife will come around and that you are able to raise a child that is not your "own". I have done the same with two of them that are from a previous marriage. It is a hard thing to do sometimes.
You sound like a great guy and hopefully your W will see it and the changes that you made. Sometimes the path that will make you a better person is one that may not feel right, but is the right thing to do.
Last edited by yenko69; 09/06/0801:54 AM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
If it is encouraging I know a couple on our softball team that were separated and heading for a D. The W came back pregnant and the people I know are uncertain of whether or not it is his or someone else's. They got back together and are happily married right now. I wish you the same.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
