DD had a C appt. yesterday and she and the C talked about, "what if Daddy had a "friend"?" So after her appt. we talked more about it. I know she knows, she is just not ready to accept it yet. When I was at C the other day, the C said that it would be best to start there, letting her know about the Troll first. Then if the baby does turn out to be his, tell her. If not, then its not something she needs to know. I really don't believe my SILs story about how they found the pics but she knew anyway. I guess her step-brother wanted to leave a comment, as did my niece and I asked her not to let my niece make a comment, but I have no control over the step-brother...so whatever. Its interesting though....for someone who supposedly doesn't have internet access, the troll certainly has been logging into her myspace a lot in the last month or so. Its really their issue not mine, my job is to protect DD and thats it.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Then if the baby does turn out to be his, tell her. If not, then its not something she needs to know.
I'm not sure waiting to tell her is going to lessen the shock, just MHO, I'm sure you've talked about it with her C.
Also, not sure why it wouldn't be something to tell her even if it's not his. I understand wanting to protect her, but kids are pretty intuitive and I'm sure she knows things are going on regardless of what she's been told. I think she'll hear things and figure it all out at some point regardless of whether the baby is his or not.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Kids can surprise you. When I was 5 my parents explained that my Mom was my stepmom and that my Mom had cheated on my dad. They told me for the same reasons you are wanting to tell D6 so that she doesn't hear from someone else.
Well I did the gets the facts mixed up a bit since I was just 5. I thought Mom cheated on my Dad but that he forgave her. I didn't realize they were talking about 2 different people. They re-explained it to me when I was 8. I have never met my biological Mom.
I am just continually amazed...everyone's life is a soap opera and here I thought it was just mine!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Then if the baby does turn out to be his, tell her. If not, then its not something she needs to know.
I'm not sure waiting to tell her is going to lessen the shock, just MHO, I'm sure you've talked about it with her C.
Nope, nothing is going to take the sting out of that one. Since the arrival is impending, the C and I have had several discussions about it.
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
Also, not sure why it wouldn't be something to tell her even if it's not his. I understand wanting to protect her, but kids are pretty intuitive and I'm sure she knows things are going on regardless of what she's been told. I think she'll hear things and figure it all out at some point regardless of whether the baby is his or not.
I'm sure if its not his that it will be discussed later on, just not right now. It was her C's advice that since its not a sureity that its Hs baby that telling her and having it turn out not to be, would be more detrimental than easing her into knowing there is someone else and then the baby. Shes going to find out, the only thing that we (the C, me and even DAFT) agree on, it that we need to control how she is told, so its inevitable that it will happen. H is a puss and doesn't want to tell her anything (the secrecy thing) but he knows she has to be told. I KNOW she knows about the Troll, she just is not ready to accept it yet. So sad. The things that these idiots do to their kids.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Kids can surprise you. When I was 5 my parents explained that my Mom was my stepmom and that my Mom had cheated on my dad. They told me for the same reasons you are wanting to tell D6 so that she doesn't hear from someone else.
Well I did the gets the facts mixed up a bit since I was just 5. I thought Mom cheated on my Dad but that he forgave her. I didn't realize they were talking about 2 different people. They re-explained it to me when I was 8. I have never met my biological Mom.
I am just continually amazed...everyone's life is a soap opera and here I thought it was just mine!
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Kids can surprise you. When I was 5 my parents explained that my Mom was my stepmom and that my Mom had cheated on my dad. They told me for the same reasons you are wanting to tell D6 so that she doesn't hear from someone else. kat
Shes a pretty sharp cookie. It wouldn't surprise me if she already knew, but she is just in total denial and is having a REALLY hard time opening up about her feelings and everything. I think we should just bite the bullet and tell her, but maybe I'm the chicken, since its really not my responsibility to drop it on her, its his. I'm sure he'd be relieved, but in the end its on him. I'll tell her if I have to, but I think he needs to face this one himself.
Originally Posted By: kat727
I am just continually amazed...everyone's life is a soap opera and here I thought it was just mine! kat
Nope this is the virtual Soap Network! Lol
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
You got that right! LOL! I read some SERIOUS DRAMA on a different thread yesterday and today, and thought, "Damn! And I thought I was the only one here who had it real bad! Yikes!"
Quote:
Shes a pretty sharp cookie. It wouldn't surprise me if she already knew, but she is just in total denial and is having a REALLY hard time opening up about her feelings and everything. I think we should just bite the bullet and tell her, but maybe I'm the chicken, since its really not my responsibility to drop it on her, its his. I'm sure he'd be relieved, but in the end its on him. I'll tell her if I have to, but I think he needs to face this one himself.
Of course this is on him. This mess is completely his doing, and the "right" thing would be for him to sit down with D and own up to his responsibility.
But do you honestly think that's going to happen? More importantly, do you think he's going to tell her the whole truth? She doesn't need to know every little detail, but she should be given the truth. Not half-truths, as I suspect your H will weasel out. I understand you don't necessarily want to be the bad guy....but the "bad guy" in your sitch isn't going to be forthright, IMO. He's going to sugarcoat the reality as much as he can.
It's totally all your decision, but I have to agree with Michelle here. I understand wanting to protect your child....we all do....but I do wonder how waiting on something such as a life-altering event as this protects her. It would be GREAT IF this wasn't his child......
But what if IT IS?!
It's hard to imagine what that could be like for a 7-yo....To all of a sudden find out that your daddy had a baby with another woman (a Troll, in this case) who is not your mommy....and you never had any clue. You thought only Mommies and Daddies, H's and W's, had babies together. Talk about being blindsided!
I'm sorry, but I disagree with the C on this one. I just don't think waiting is the best move here. From my own personal experience, it was so much better for me to talk to my boys about all that was going on. I did not want to keep them in the dark...and often to my surprise, they already KNEW a lot....Because they listen. And they witness. Whenever we as adults think our children are off doing other things and not listening to or bearing witness to our interactions, they ARE. It really is like in the movies.....where Mom/Dad is on the phone in the other room or Mom and Dad are arguing downstairs, and the kids are watching from the top of the stairs or they are lying awake in bed listening. Not pretty, but it's reality.
Anyway, this is all JMO, Corey, and I know you will make what you believe is the best decision for your little girl.
(((((Corey)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Seriously (I know I try to lighten things up too much sometimes...). I would stick with the truth (age appropriate of course) and nothing but. GF makes great points above about the K's and what is happening. In the end, you are your D's pillar and will continue to be so.
Even at her age, I agree that she likely knows a lot more than she is letting on. IMO, best to hit things head on so they come from inside the house rather than the school yard, neighbourhood, etc.
Why do some people have to make being kids so friggin difficult?????
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I read some SERIOUS DRAMA on a different thread yesterday and today, and thought, "Damn! And I thought I was the only one here who had it real bad! Yikes!" 
