One year ago, I found this board and registered under my old ID name.
One year ago, H told me he wanted a divorce.
One year ago, I could barely breathe, function or live.
What a difference a year makes.
I haven't posted in a while, with the exception of a couple of posts under this new name. I was finding that it was difficult to move on and GAL when I was spending so much time here. But I still visit and read about many situations. This place saved me. I don't know what I would have done without the love and support that I received from the people from this site.
If DBing is about saving yourself, than I have become an expert DBer. I have a new job and no longer work with H and his family. My girls and I are, quite simply, doing great. We are enjoying our lives now. The rope has been dropped, I have let go, I have moved on.
If DBing is about saving your marriage, than I am a lousy DBer. I am at a point now where I can't imagine ever being with him again. I don't like him, let alone love him. I have thought many times about filing, but know that the thoughts are emotional based and shouldn't be acted on. I also know that things can change. But I don't think about things changing, much less, hope about it.
Our relationship is cordial and distant. I continue to be somewhat hopeful that he will make the girls more of a priority, but I know that, at this point, it is wishful thinking. I can't even tell you where he is in his MLC journey because I have so little interaction with him. Again, as far as DBing with him - I simply don't. I just keep my distance and don't give him a lot of "mind space". My PMA is much better this way.
My life isn't perfect. I miss the traditional family unit. I miss having someone to talk to about work, the kids, etc. I don't like the awkwardness when I have to tell someone that we are separated.
But my life is good. My girls continue to bring me a great deal of joy. They seem to be doing so well through all of this. We are all happy and our home is more peaceful now.
I didn't think that I would make it through all of this a year ago.
Frankly, Millicent, I find your post very refreshing. I don't ever post anymore but continue to read. It's wonderful to read when a poster has found that they can become strong and happy and have the courage to face the world without fear.
God's grace to you as you continue you your journey with your children. There are many blessings in store for you.
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
M, I found your posting to be inspiring for those who come here to visit and post. Brue's posting really says it all.
I remember all of the heartache and frustration you went through last year. You've come a very long way and I'm very happy to see that even through your h is still out to lunch, you and your family are surviving and thriving beautifully.
Dbing is not only about attempting to save your marriage, but more importantly, it is about saving you. It is about finding ways to help you cope, move on and begin to live again. It's a tool that you can use in your day-to-day life and not just for restoring a marriage and/or relationship.
I wish you and your family all of the best. Please come back to visit again soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I just had to thank you for your kind posts. I didn't know how my post would be received. Thankfully, I don't cry like I did a year ago (when I though the faucet would never turn off!!). But, once again, the kindness here makes me tear up a little!
I just had to thank you for your kind posts. I didn't know how my post would be received. Thankfully, I don't cry like I did a year ago (when I though the faucet would never turn off!!). But, once again, the kindness here makes me tear up a little!
Thank you for your thoughts and wishes!
Hugs!
The purpose of DB is to save relationships. And you saved your relationship with yourself.
That's a GOOD thing.
I invite you to stick around.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
Hi millicent- Great to get an update from you. It is amazing how time changes things...every Newbie needs to realize that life will get better if you just listen to the advice here...detach, GAL, find your PMA, etc. I really think that this board is such a great way to get support and to know you are not alone...it may even help us process everything a little faster.
It sounds as if you have come such a long way from when you first were posting. I remember your first post...you were in such a state of shock that you used body wash as shampoo or something like that. It is so liberating when you finally know you will be okay no matter what happens. I am glad you are there.
It is nice to hear from you. I hope you keep posting.
Well, I am bracing for a rough next couple of days.
I have written previously about friends (a couple whose spouses both cheated on them and they found each other) of ours and how difficult our separation had been for them - ultimately they chose to socialize more with H. H was very close with the guy friend and helped him a great deal when he was going through his divorce. I understood (and still understand) how difficult this can be for friends and didn't want them to feel awkward, so I just let go, grieved the lost friendship and moved on. It was difficult for me because I couldn't understand how they didn't see that H did to me what their exs did to them - yet they accepted it in H.
The guy called me a couple of weeks ago and said that they had broken up. He felt that my H played a part in the break-up. He apologized repeatedly for not staying in touch with me. He said that he now recognizes H for what he is (liar, manipulator, etc.).
Guy just called me tonight and said that he found out that his ex-girlfriend and H talked to her children and told them that they were dating. Right after I got off the phone with him, H called and asked if he could see the children tomorrow night (H never sees them during the week).
I don't know how the kids will react to this but I don't think my older one will handle it well. I don't even know how to help them with this one.
After reading all of the situations here, I would think that I wouldn't be surprised by anything anymore. But I am. I continue to be amazed at the lack of decency and morals in people in general. It seems to be a "what I want, when I want it, no matter who get hurts" attitude, with no regard for consequences.
She was my friend. He was my husband. How can they justify this as being right? How can anyone see this as acceptable?
I have a new job and no longer work with H and his family. My girls and I are, quite simply, doing great. We are enjoying our lives now. The rope has been dropped, I have let go, I have moved on.
I am at a point now where I can't imagine ever being with him again. I don't like him, let alone love him. I have thought many times about filing, but know that the thoughts are emotional based and shouldn't be acted on. I also know that things can change. But I don't think about things changing, much less, hope about it.
