Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis What will the future bring? - Divorce? III

If you want rain you just have to pop over to the good old very wet UK. Its been torrential here for several days now.

Hi MWG, nlt and ACJ,

ACJ, you should send nlt or YR some rain, I have enough – LOL.

Yes, H's e-mails WERE civil again recently, and I almost forgot that before they weren't. Just when I thought he is OK, he sends me a "half nasty", manipulative e-mail again.

H called me by my name. First he thanked me for my help. Then he went on saying that he feels resentment towards me because I will take money on the property making a loss. It is impossible for him to overcome that feeling. Again he mentioned that he cannot stay at the place because he feels so bad. Whether I am sure I want to do this!!!!!!

I am really fed up with this. As soon as I recover a bit from being sad and I start enjoying the beautiful countryside and my friends, he comes up with sum rubbish. I just had it!!! I was so sad and angry at the same time and thought that through all my married time I always did everything to make him happy. And even after he left me I did whatever HE wanted.

I think this was the last straw. I think it is better for me to get divorced and have very little contact with him. I cannot get on with my life, and it always throws me back to square one. Sometimes I wish I had not agreed to stopping the divorce process.

I was so happy in the morning since the weather is beautiful. I intended to go on a boat trip when I opened H's e-mail. I used to not check them until the evening if I thought it would be something nasty from H, but recently they really were civil. But bang –I got another one.

I just cannot go on like this anymore. I will reply in a few days and let him know how I feel about everything. There is no point in not letting him know about my feelings anymore.

I would like to write the following to him:

That I am sorry he feels that way, but if he ever thought how I feel. That I did everything possible to accommodate him ever since he left. And that he did not give me any money out of his free will. That I am not willing to support any of his GFs. That I have the feeling he blames me for all the mistakes HE made. That they were all HIS decisions.

That I had the feeling he did not really want to give us another chance. That he will never come back in any case and that I have to look out for myself as he will not look after me in future anymore, and that I don't intend to support his GFs.

That I am very sad that the person I married does not exist anymore. That he used to be so kind and loving, now I have the feeling that he has only resentment left for me and the rest of the world. That he only thinks of himself and doesn't care about me or anybody else anymore.
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Any thoughts or advice? I would appreciate some comments. Thanks a lot for being here to listen.

A GF just called me a few minutes ago and we will go to the beach instead of me going on a boat trip. At least I will have some company today. She is nice and fun to be with, and she has lots of time so we can do things together.

(((((TRUE)))))

I'm so sorry your H has started the nasty emails again!!! MLC!!! I also think he is trying to manipulate you, my H did the same thing wanting me to go along with whatever he wanted.

I'm not the one to give you advice on the note back to your H but I think it sounded great!!! I really can't blame you & yes you are right, he is not looking out for your best interest anymore & you have to look out for you! That is what I had to do also.

I'm so glad you are going to the beach today! Try to have a good time in spite of all this!

((((HUGS))))

Hi nlt,

Thanks for popping in and your hugs. I have calmed down a bit as I had a nice time with my friend in the afternoon. We went to the beach again and chatted for a while and then played some games. It was fun. However, it reminded me a bit of the time I spent with H, as we also played games "in the good old days".

I think I will either not reply to H's e-mail or just write in a week or so that I am sorry the way he feels. It is not worth my effort to get angry and explain to him why I am doing what I am doing. I have tried to explain to him a hundred times before, and he is still getting on about it.

I would still appreciate some more advice from "oldtimers". Thanks.

Tomorrow I am planning to meet the same GF again to go out in the town nearby. The weather is supposed to be a bit cloudy, and so we will not be able to go sunbathing again. Maybe Thursday will be ok. I guess these are the last days we will be able to do it.

I will have to attend to a few administrative things tomorrow. I don't really like not to have a second opinion. I used to discuss with H what to do and now I have to deal with it on my own.

I had a nice time with my GF last night. We even sat outdoors as the temperatures were comfortable.

I noticed that my H and a lot of MLCers are different when there is a full moon approaching. I guess that's why I am also so sad when I am alone.

I have not replied to H and I think I will just ignore it. I have been sad again lately. I just cannot get over the fact that such a nice person who was so loving over 30 years changed into such a horrible person!!! I guess I will never understand it.

It is going to be one of the last summery days today and I guess I will go to the beach again or for a walk.

On Saturday I will probably meet my sisters to go to the theatre. The weather forecast is terrible for the week-end, and I am not looking forward to it.

The beach sounds wonderful. All I can do is imagine it!! But, we are to be in the upper 90's over the next week which to us, is like a coldspell!!!!

I would rather live somewhere that has four seasons, not two.

Journaling:
I had a great day today. It was warm and sunny again and initially I wanted to go for a walk but changed my mind and went for lunch first. I went to my favourite restaurant on the waterfront and it was actually very full. Everybody else had the same idea on the spur of the moment. Since I go there so often I was given a table although I did not book. So I was very lucky.

Afterwards I went for a short walk before it started to rain. The rain did not last very long though, and I went for another longer walk. I was even able to eat dinner in the garden before the sun set.

Hi MWG,
We were just cross posting! Well, I don't really know whether we still have four seasons. Usually it is either warm and nice, and the next day it is already cold and horrible. We used to have four seasons, but the weather is getting stranger and more extreme. And I could do without winter!

I like really warm weather but over 100 is even too much for me!

Well, go ahead and send your winters to us. I will cherish them.

Hi MWG,
I wish I could send you our winters - LOL! Here the rain is pouring down. I guess it is the tail from one of the hurricanes.

I was not able to get any tickets for the theatre tonight but for tomorrow. Instead I arranged to meet my GF who I got to know recently and she knows a nice place for dancing. I have zero expectations, as lately all the places we went to for dancing were just terrible and we didn't stay.

I will also see my sisters tomorrow before I go to the theatre. Since I did not get any tickets for tonight I already arranged to meet my GF, but my sisters did get tickets for tonight in the end. So I will just visit them beforehand.

Anyway, I hope nobody gets affected by the terrible hurricanes. They are so destructive. Have a nice week-end everybody.