I know that KS. That's is why I don't want to file. It doesn't solve the problem in dealing with her.
Even texting her today. She said, why don't you just give me a divorce.
I know it isn't going to solve anything. What needs solved is the fact that she needs to communicate with me, and stop communicating with the kids. She keeps hurting the kids. She is trying to throw it on my that my daughter threw up Sunday because I got her upset.
No, honey pie. You did that. You didn't tell me what was going on. We had to read your mind. Then everyone got involved, because you don't even tell your parents what is going on.
Our daughter assumed she was coming with me, but there was no confirmation between you and I. You said you were going to call me if the children were sleeping over your parents.
I should have a say as to were they sleep if you are going to just dump them on your parents.
It's like this because there is no schedule. I know it. You know it. This board knows it. But she doesn't want to talk to me. So she is forcing me into a realm of somewhere I do not want to go.
Your children need one sane parent. It is not going to be your w any time soon so it has to be you. Stop the texting. Stop engaging her. She will not be reasonable or sane for a long time. If this is mlc then it has to run its course. You cannot shorten it but you can prolong it. The more you antagonize the deeper into the crises she will go. You are giving her ammunition to keep behaving the way she is.
Do as others have suggested. Set up a schedule for the children. When it is your days then you take them no matter what.
If you do not stop now you will drive yourself crazy and your children are caught in the middle.
Please Phil you need to get a grip here. You need to be the adult.
You can choose to live this insanity, which is not only driving her further away from you but also has you spinning like a top.
OR
Begin to set some boundaries.
Stop the texting.
You say you can't, but it is rather that you don't want to.
You are afraid to let go.
Any attention from her is good in your eyes, be it positive or negative, you long for the connection with her. That is why you put up with her BS on a daily basis.
Be firm, not unkind or cruel, but firm. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Set the bloody schedule for your children already.
None of this is healthy for the kids, and it needs to stop, they must be going nuts.
Someone needs to be the adult in the relationship, and I choose you!!!
((((((hugs))))))
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
Do as others have suggested. Set up a schedule for the children.
What do you think I'm trying to do.
On days you work on school nights they need to stay with me.
No more staying over grandparents when you dump them off.
She is putting the kids in the middle. I am trying to rescue them.
I told her. On nights you work, they need to stay with me. You are welcome to come after work, tuck them in. Lay with them. I will not bother you. Then you can come back in the morning and help me get them ready.
I am being firm with her. Today is really the first day I have been texting her. Being firm with her. I'm not being cruel either. I'm using wording properly. I'm trying to get through to her that the kids need stability.
I need to keep her calm.
I'm trying to set the schedule. She is the one being difficult. I told her she needs to run the ice cream shop. you fire, you hire, you set the schedule. You take daylight then.
Or I go to your place and have the kids in bed on nights you work. But you you will not invite me in your place. Afraid I'll snoop or something. I don't care what you do or have.
I told her she needs to get a different job that has daylight.
It's on her.
I told her that the children need to stay with me on school nights that she works. She says daughter will not want to do that.
I said too bad. The children do not make the rules.
I'm on FB, but I need to figure out animity. I used my real name, and my email is my real name. Plus I can't use FB at work. Then there is about 500 other reasons I do not want to use it.
Phil, I am curious. Are you saying that your D does not want to stay with you on nights that your W works? Why not?
I read something interesting that just came from DivorceCare which is a Christian-based (the Catholic church is one of the sponsors) program to help those who are going through this ordeal. It said that it is best if the parents choose for the children instead of asking the kids what they want to do.
I admit that I have not done it that way. Most of the time, I have asked the kids what they want to do. I can see that it has caused them, at times, to feel conflicted. I have had to express that I love it when they get to spend time with their mom. I even joke with them and say I will be happy to go in their place and they laugh. But I can see how they could feel as if they are betraying one over the other.
This is a tough call, Phil.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
Well, that went ok. I called the phone. I said this is the family phone I expect the kids to answer it when I call.
Five minutes later the kids call. Her head is probally swimming.
Better hers then mine...
missmyfriend, yes the idea was or her diabolical plan was to leave and the kids wanted to be with her. However that didn't work. Son who was a momma's boy would never leave her side, stayed with me for almost every night during the first two months of seperation. I believe that drove her nuts. Her plan failed. Daughter was always very close to me. Little sport buddy. But she will not stay with me, because I believe that her mother brain washed her or something.
Now usually I let the kids decide where they wanted to stay. It always relieved my anxiety to know if one of the kids was with her at night. That way I knew she wasn't out screwing around. The kids never mention anybody else. But there is evidence of switching teams, which could be my imagination. Amongst other things.
I quess she isn't pushing the divorce because there really isn't anybody else, or something. I do not know. Maybe there was back around the holidays and that person turned out to be an a$$, aren't we all.
Yes it is a tough call. Really when she gets off work and my son screams at her, that he doesn't want to go with her. It sucks. I have to console him, and convince him to go. I know it helps her out, because she can sleep in.
