Yes, I could have been a professional artist -- but decided to go to Engineering school instead of taking a scholarship in Fine Art. I painted some elaborate four-walls murals in the Trompe-l'oeil style in each of my sons' bedrooms. Storybook-like Scottish Highlands in S3's room, Hot Wheels-themed landscapes in S7's room. I worked on them before each of my son's births, my own "agony and ecstasy" like Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel.
I had a great evening today. S3 announced to W this morning he wanted to spend the night with his daddy, even though this is her custody week. Last week there were three nights he opted to be with his mother during my custody week. I think he just likes shaking things up and getting one-on-one treatment with either parent. Meanwhile I'm sure S7 enjoyed the one-on-one time with his mother too.
Children do not ask to be brought into this world. Most of time they are conceived in love. It's not fair to them when a parent decides that they don't need a stable home to bring them up. When a child is brought into this world we are making a commitment to them that we will love and protect them.
I don't understand how a WAS parent can say nothing wiill change for the child. The script says, "Children are resilient, they will be okay". Try telling that to a chld who misses the other parent...
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Just today, SallyM sent me some divorce books for children (some for them, some for adults to read). H saw them and said "They'll be fine, LWB, they'll be fine". I don't argue with him anymore, but I did say "They will be fine, but not right away. With our patience and understanding, we can help them adjust to something they won't understand at first."
The script says, "Children are resilient, they will be okay". Try telling that to a chld who misses the other parent.
That seems to be the common refrain alright, spoken by pro-divorce drones and otherwise unknowing fools everywhere. All of them in denial.
What I'm trying to figure out is how W went from there and took it even further: If I stand in the way of her desire to destroy the M and the family, then somehow I am the one harming the children... by harming their mother via denying her proposed solution for "happiness".
(I did mention that she is insane, right?)
Lwb, yes, our children can indeed become "fine" over time and with a lot of love and careful effort. But in no way can anyone in their right mind make the claim that -- even in the best of situations -- children come away unscathed by D.
But in no way can anyone in their right mind make the claim that -- even in the best of situations -- children come away unscathed by D.
My H makes this claim everytime we talk about it. That's why I don't talk about it with him anymore because it makes me so furious that he is so very selfish!
Lwb, yes, our children can indeed become "fine" over time and with a lot of love and careful effort. But in no way can anyone in their right mind make the claim that -- even in the best of situations -- children come away unscathed by D.
My H has said that "script" stuff too: after D the kids will be happier, I'll be happier, he doesn't say but I know he believes he will be much happier also of course!!! I do know that when he was my S' age his parents also got D after 18 or 19 years of marriage and H became suicidal. So I think they have to try to do a great bit of denial and just generally not thinking too much about it! And my H also likes to be the Disney Dad, taking them to lots of fun places when he sees them and bringing them home with half a dozen new toys I think b/c of guilt. And yeah, I don't think most of our WAS are in their right minds!!! Karen
Adultery - by definition - involves more than simply the "consenting adults" engaged in sexual relations. It also involves a third party - the cheater's spouse - and any children the couple might have. It betrays a pre-existing relationship between two people who vowed fidelity to each other, and it betrays the trust of the couple's children, who relied on their parents' mutual commitment.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
SallyM sent me that delightful package today. In it, she included books about divorce/kids. Among that.. candy for me and the kiddos, and smell-good yummies from Bath and Body for me, and much more! Nothing for H phhhhhhllllt!! It took me a long time to take a deep breath and open the first book. And what do I find in the first few pages:
"There is so much that divorcing parents can do to prevent damage to their children. To deny that divorce is damaging will probably do more harm than anything else because such denial excuses parents from trying to help their children."
