In fact PH this has been part of our issues. He wants to have the final say in all the decision making from big to small and then he says Glam you handle it. Oh gee!
I am a take charge person, so this is difficult for me. Not that I don't want to, but I was out of the house at 18 have always handled my own and very well. Don't need anyone to take care of me, like that when they do, but will survive on my own and do quite well.
So now I try to include h in all the decision making like h this is not working what do you suggest, we need a new blow dryer where should I shop for one. If I don't include h he accuses me of making all the decisions and we are back at square 1.
The key is to let him THINK he is in charge! Wink Wink!
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
I agree with your goal to let your H make decisions. I am reading "Only God Can Resotre Your Marriage" by Erin Thiele and she talks about how contentious women drive their H out. I guess this is part of what happened to me.
PH: You have done so much to try and work on the things you think need to be worked on.
I wish your H could be around you more often and take notice.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
PH: You have done so much to try and work on the things you think need to be worked on.
I wish your H could be around you more often and take notice.
MWG, Thank you so much for saying so. It brought tears to my eyes. I guess I feel that perhaps, I should never have brought up the bills/insurance issue this last Feb. I still sometimes wonder if the reason he's staying away is that he has someone in mind to be with or hopes to be with someone else, at least, even if he has no OW up to this point.
All I am doing now is working on my R with God, and praying for my H's, the boys' and my H's family's salvation.
Dear PH, I accidently ran across a woman today whom had been in one of my local Divorcebusting seminars a few years ago. At that time, it was not hopeful that her H would "come around". She realized that she needed to go to God for her patience, peace, and wisdom and to have Him help her decide how to make wise decisions. She also said it was a very lonely road - fighting for you M with no one around her to support her decision. Her solace was in taking everything to God to help her make even small decisions about how she should act in certain situations w/her H. She said the biggest thing He helped her with was to keep her heart soft enough to maintain a friendly relationship with him. It was not easy and it was a long road, but they are together. And God softened her H's heart as well. I pass that story on, hoping it will inspire you as it inspired me.
PH, I hope you don't mind my quoting this post by Laurie on Aug 31. I just read it and it confirms what I have read from the bible about God answering prayers.
And thank you for being the person you are, staying faithful through all of what you are going through.
Me:56, W:51 D:26,S:24,S:22 Married:18 Bomb 9/27/06 Separated 11/27/06 Divorced 10/6/08 Leaving it up to God
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MMF, Thanks for your kind words. I really like today's Charlyne Cares: Do you limit God's mighty power by not believing that the Lord can resurrect, restore, and rebuild your marriage? Do you often want to explain all the impossible circumstances and not believe in God's mighty power? Your spouse is spiritually blinded and deceived. Will you not obey the Lord and follow His instructions in praying and fasting for your miracle to manifest at His proper timing?
I am SO glad that you're finally reading Erin Thiele's, "How God Can and Will Restore Your Marriage." I hope you also read her other book "A Wise Woman: By a FOOL Who First Built on Sinking Sand" too -- as it was the foundation upon which she built her ministry.
What you will learn as you read her books, is that the good news is, that it is NOT about our H's seeing the changes in us.
It is about GOD seeing our changes!!
Whether our H's are around to notice the changes or not -- is NOT important. In time, they will, when God deems it appropriate.
We must ALWAYS remember to keep our focus where it belongs...on GOD.
Our motivation must not be that we're doing any of this for our H's...our motivation must be to put God FIRST in our lives and to do to God's will...whatever that is...
God will bring our H's back to us once we choose to make the necessary changes and He knows that we are ready for the restoration.
God is WAITING for us to CHOOSE to make the changes in ourselves and in our own lives!
And until we choose to make the changes in ourselves, instead of waiting for our H's to change...there will be no restoration.
A mistake that almost everyone makes on this spiritual journey is putting the focus on their H's. And living their lives feeding on every last contact, word or visit etc. And when there is none...they are bereft. And that is 100% arrogance and ego. That is making the H an idol.
The impetus for a stand must be pure. And our motivation must be to do God's will.
I pray that Erin's books will open your eyes, heart and mind as they did for me. As I've told you before, they changed my life.
Hey Summer, I agree that God wants to see our changes. I think in the end these changes are necessary in order for the M to really work anyway.
I also found out from some people that Erin rejected her H when he asked to come home the 2nd time (after being shown that he would return a 2nd time). That puzzles me and the fact that she kept it secret that this was her 2nd M. Also she's changed focuse to being a single woman now.
I found it puzzling too, that for a long time she did not disclose that it was her 2nd marriage, and that her oldest son, is her child from that 1st marriage.
But she explained that it was to protect her oldest child.
She felt to disclose that her marriage to Dan was a 2nd marriage, that that disclosure would also cause her eldest son's privacy to be lost.
As her eldest son got older, she discussed this with him, and eventually he told her he was comfortable with her disclosing this, and that it was all right for her to tell the full story. And so then she did.
As to why she decided to choose not to restore her marriage the 2nd time...
if indeed Dan really did want to restore the marriage again -- which isn't clear BTW...
and as he has remarried, to his HS sweetheart no less...it is now a moot point. They broke up 2 marriages to be together...a much too common story.
What she's said, is that b/c she wasn't pursuing a restoration -- that caused Dan to start pursuing her again. Which is very DB!
What I gather from what she's said, it is b/c she truly decided that she was happier living in singleness, with God as her husband.
And I do understand and respect that decision.
It is certainly a biblical option to choose to remain in singleness.
