Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW 11

We are not comparing our selves to them. Just look at what we have done and are going to do. Chin up!

kat

You are playing with fire going out with the single women. You know this.

As for the email, she pretty much said your struggles are over. Meaning, she's out and now you can live.

Let me tell you something. I have a friend who got married, had an affair, married the affair partner, had kids, had another affair on HIM, married THAT affair partner. She divorced recently and knows that her H would try again with her if she wanted to. This is on her mind constantly. Even though she is with the OM. She said the other day how she would be fine if her ex would find someone else. I said, "Of course you would. Then, that door would be shut and you wouldn't have to keep looking at it knowing that you still love him and should be with him." She didn't say anything, but looked at me knowing that I was right.

What can you learn from that tale? That your wife is watching and listening to what you are doing. Are you being a man that she would want to be with? Are you showing her your unconditional love? I think you are in many ways. I'm not sure saying that you liked that email was a good thing. Kinda like agreeing that you are moving on and better things will come now. I'm not sure going out with other women and having her find out is showing her love. I know, I know you are with a group and they are friends. But, you said you are attracted and they are ALL women. Get some guy friends, h4h.

What are some things you could do? NOT talk to her nicey nice like everything is fine, that you are sad but it's ok. All business with her. Focus on the kids. If you do talk to her it is about retrovaille or what she can do to get back with you. You seem to walk on eggshells around her, not saying what you want to say or need to say.....



Something to think about anyway.

Wdid, could I get thoughts from your perspective on the latest developments in my sitch if you have a moment? Thanks.

H4H - sorry again for the tj.

wdid,

GBG has no idea what I do, where I go and who I'm with. She tries to talk or chit chat, but I try to hold back. On the phone, she'll say something, I'll respond with a short answer and then just wait. Pause. She expects me to continue the convo somehow, but I don't. I have NOT told her that I am sad but ok. She might think it. I don't show her love, I don't show her anger, I don't show her sadness, or do I really show her happiness. I don't really show her anything but me wanting to leave her apartment, for the most part. The little blurb about what I'm going to do with the kids today was the most I've told her about my plans in a while.

After I sent the response, I figured I should have left off the little comment about the email she forwarded. I did like the email, though.

I liked it, so I told her. If I didn't say anything, I think THAT would be walking on eggshells. I don't feel like I walk on eggshells because I'm not supposed to really talk to her about much anyway.

Isn't she supposed to believe that I HAVE moved on without her? That I'm not moping around thinking about her? I AM nice when talking to her, but just not talky talky. Not TRYING to make it nice for her. Isn't she supposed to know somehow that I am getting out. She thought I was boring. She is supposed to know that I am someone she might like to hang out with after all. Again.

I had fun with kat last night.

I had a blast with my friends last night too. Do I find them attractive. Yeah. There was no hanky panky. And they make/made me feel really good about myself. My self confidence soars. I AM finding that cool guy.

Like I said before, I feel myself in control more. Not going to let anyone have some kind of control over me, anymore.

I control myself.

Your still my Guardian angel, dub. I hear you, when you think I don't. When I'm 'there', I do think of you

And dub, I'm not sure I took the email meaning the same as you did.

That or I didn't catch it. Her boss had forwarded it to her yesterday morning and she forwarded it to me. It was like the 5th forward. It looked like she just sent it to me.

Considering how little we have been talking, I was COMPLETELY surprised by her sending something to me.

I'm still confused by it. She used to give me sh*t when I was forwarding similar emails before. Wasn't sure to take it as a good sign or not.

Glad you had a good time last night. Kinda weird about the email, but its got a good message.

The message WAS good. Don't know if you remember how I told her about puting our marriage and husband and wife stuff in a box. The day I gave her my ring. Just wanted to work on us as two people.

Lotta good that did. Now she has my ring. That was like last October, before she got sick. Maybe the email reminded her of something.

I had a GREAT time last night. This bar was totally different from the one last Friday. More affluent crowd. Not rockers, but they def. got drunker. Lots of usually straight lace people really trying to be cool. It was funny to watch. Then I thought to myself, "Sh*t, I hope I don't look like that!"

I know a lot of guys were looking at me and the girls thinking, "What the F! Why the hell does he have three!"

K was being especially playful, but on purpose. She's a wild one to begin with, but totally a friend.

"Dude, you don't deserve any of the sh*t that you have gone through. You deserve a hell of a lot better than youve gotten! I wish I could find a guy like you. Your handsome, great personality and a just a great guy. I want to find someone for you. I CAN find someone for you."

"Thanks, but I'm okay."

As hot as she is, and believe me she is, I know her history. Ain't going there. The line for her starts way around the corner and down the street. Been married 4 times I think Hottest 43 year old I know in real life

D11 tonight has been saying how she doesn't want to leave. Doesn't want to go back. I told her I felt the same.

"I'm so mad at momma."

I told her again, that she needs to express herself to her mother if she hasn't. Mom thinks things are gonna be just fine. Let her know how she feels. But she doesn't want to start drama.

Totally understandable. Then we just have to accept. We may not like it, but we have to accept what mom wants. I told her I love her mother very much, but I have to get along, too. She doesn't want to be here.

D11 says she wishes mom would move back home.
"I would put super glue on her feet so she can't leave."

Now D11 is out on my bed. She forgot to call mom. Oh well.

Why do the kids have to go through this? I just cannot understand puting them through this. If it weren't for the girls, I would have flown months ago, I think. No one deserves this.

Debating the river rafting tomorrow. K says she was inviting B too but B don't do that type of stuff. WAY too girlie. K and B are best friends.

And being out with them last night, B just ain't my type anyways. We have a lot in common strangely, and she is a lot of fun, but she's just not what I would look for. A great person, but......just not for me anyway.

Unfortunately for me, GBG is.

At least she used to be. It's sad when you see the glimpses of their former self. When they let themselves.

Anyway, I'm tired and need some sleep. Its after midnight and working on about 3 1/2 hours of sleep. Been going all day. Never made it to my buddies house. The girls were just plain tired after the mall. Me too. Church tomorrow and then have to get the girlies back to their mother

Another good thing today. At the mall, took the girls to do some sniffing with me. The sales ladies were great with them and we sniffed all kinds. One was a cutie. I told D11 I thought she had a thing for me.

"Dad, I think she was 18."

"Dohhhh!"

The final final?

Got the Acqua and the Diesel.

D11 liked the Acqua, but the Diesel reminded her of Dr Pepper, and she loves Dr Pepper She had the women laughing too.

"You know, it kind of does, now that I think about it" said the cutie.

Chalk up another great day with my little cuties.

I just wrote a super long response but it all just got deleted. ARgh!!! I hate that when that happens.

I'll summarize..... I don't agree with the "put your marriage in the box". Not wearing your ring does NOT help your case. You should be portraying that you are STILL her husband and are STILL married and that you are not happy with her choice. NOt portraying acceptance to her or your kids. Should you go out and not be mopey and "have a life", etc? YES! But, it should not be done with single, attractive females. Remember when I was the one saying how the OM made me feel attractive, etc. and how all of you said it was 'cause he wanted something. It's the same way with you. You are a hottie, a "catch", you know it ;)...now take that knowledge and find some guys to hang out or find some personal interests. Screw the river rafting, you KNOW B will come.

whatdidido is right, we don't want to see you make a mistake that will cost you any chance of bringing your M back to life.

She's telling you this because she cares, and we know what you really ultimately want, your wife back.

Hang on there.. take care of you.

Blessings...

(((H4H))) Sounds like you had some fun this weekend and for that I'm glad. You deserve it, but you still have to be careful. The alphabet girls are temptaion with a capital T. Just be heads up, things are not always as they appear...as we are all painfully aware of here. Glad you got the smell good. Keep the faith my friend. I look to you a lot to keep me going. Thanks.