You're right, MC. I do tend to overanalyze things... and then for good measure overanalyze them again.
Actually, I appreciate finding another corroborating viewpoint that will help me solidify my resolve to NEVER let this happen to me ever again. I try to teach my sons that there is no sin in making honest-to-goodness mistakes so long as one can learn from them and avoid the same ones in the future. I need to honor that ideal in my own actions.
That sermon sounds wonderful, NC! I wish I had heard it long ago b/c I did that too-put most of my focus on the kids. My H puts his on work and exercising. So here we are...But then I know there are many couples that do that and don't divorce or have affairs either. So we can't control our spouses, but as you say just have to learn from our mistakes and do better in the future. I know I have really grown & learned from this experience and you have too! So maybe focus on that instead of the inevitable mistakes we've made? Karen
Karen, you truly have grown quite a bit just from what we have observed of you here in these forums. I am confident that you will come through this a far better person, strong and gleaming like fine steel, tempered by God in the furnace of life.
FYI, in case anyone is interested, Andy Stanley's sermon, parts 1 & 2, can be found here
...under "Dr. Dobson Media", filter by "Last Month", the segments are called "Putting Your Family First - I (07.24.08)" and "Putting Your Family First - II (07.25.08)"
Or you can subscribe to the podcast like I do (which puts me a week or two behind the website.)
I really like how he uses the story of Daniel to launch into this subject matter.
I need to mention that today was the first day for S3 in the new branch of his preschool -- the one she unilaterally decided upon (again). It's my week for custody so I got to transfer S3's paperwork between locations. The new location is shorter in miles, but much, much worse in traffic, so I don't quite know what W was thinking as far as "easing" the commute for me, which it certainly does not.
One of the things I did was review the file that S3 was transferring to the new center, all his paperwork, including his immunizations and emergency contact info. I felt the stab of pain in my heart as I read the list of emergency contacts W had listed back in March (these are people authorized to pick up our S from daycare) -- the first one was none-other than the OM !!!
But since W was so unwise as to let this transfer of preschools duty fall on my shoulders, I took the opportunity to cross-out OM's name and contact info from the sheet, and she's fairly unlikely to get a chance to review it herself now that I've turned it in.
I can be magnanimous and forgiving on a lot of things, but this ain't one of 'em, not where my children are concerned.
You have joint custody, right? Well doesn't it state that decisions such as to change sons school have to be agreed upon? Don't let her off the hook. You should just tell her that in the future you would appreciate her consulting you beforeshe makes these kinds of decisions. When they say, "we teach people how to treat us", that would apply to her absolute lack of courtesy that she owes you. Maybe if you call her on it now she'll think twice when the "next time" comes up. You have rights so you don't have to take this.
About the OM's name on the emergency list. I would have done the exact samething. Good for you!
nc...my dear friend. I would have done the same thing!! Your not even freakin divorced yet!! There is no way in He$$ that I would allow that either, she's unbelievable!!
im glad your feeling better, I'll tell ya, it takes me a couple days just to bounce back from being sick to begin with, It sucks to get old
I know I may not BE old, but I feel it.
Sending a drink your way, and I will take a apricot sour please.
(((nc)))
me: 37 H: 44 Married for 18 years this june S7 S3 porn issues, and much more... since 7/06
Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.
Oh see. She went somewhere she shouldn't have. She brought your kids into her mess with OM. You are better than me, I would have let H hear about that one. Glad you got a chance to fix it. How did your son do with drop off this morning?
Uggghhh!!! That makes me so mad that she added OM as a contact! Do you want the DBing Lady Posse to go after her? We got your back! Ladies, who wants to join me?
Hugs, Yoyo
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Bethie, we have nothing in writing as yet -- we STILL don't have a separation agreement worked out. This may be W's way of provoking me into addressing that issue.
W probably thinks she has cover on the decision for daycare. She will say that she tried to consult with me about switching preschools, but I tarried too long in helping make a decision, so she had to go ahead and act. Or some lame rationale like that.
Likewise, on the contact list, she also covered herself to a small degree by including two others of her co-workers on the list too. This means she can say that these are all just good "friends" and trustworthy co-workers, including OM.
Tal, you're in no way old. Quit that! Although a bad cold can make you feel old. And I've still got a lingering sore throat -- so I sound like an old man right now.
Lwb, S3 told me he actually enjoyed his new preschool. I asked him did he make any new friends. He said, "Daddy, I have lots of new friends." So he seems happy to make the switch. If so, and if this remains so, I will just put up with a more hectic drive for his sake.
Yoyo, round 'em up. And don't forget Sassie's whips while you're at it. What? go after W? No, not really necessary, thanks -- I was just getting a little "worked up" over the thought of all you lovely DB ladies saddling up together on my behalf.
Karen
