Yesterday was such a moment in history - shared it with my neighbors. And I like all of the candidates this time - wish they could just be co-presidents. Regardless of who wins that part of life feels like it will be normal again after a very long time.
So I leave TOMORROW on my vacation! And I already feel so very relaxed.
Now for a week I will be laptopless, cellphoneless and goal-less. No schedules, no clocks and no deadlines. Well need to clock thing so I make to the docks in time to go diving at dawn.
Usually when I return from a vacation - I have just started the process of relaxing and have a tough time getting back into work b/c I am still tired. This time - for the first time in a very long time I think I will be completely recharged.
Now I have to run and do all those things that are on my list to get ready to leave tomorrow. My flight is at 6 am - will be on the beach by 1 pm!
I forgot to mention something about M GF - the one that has an H with intimacy issues and they have both agreed to an open M primarily for her sake.
She stopped by yesterday with her signature sauce. Usually when I get busy I drop out of sight for months - even from neighbors next door. And we really haven't talked since my B-day and her revelation about her arrangement with her H. Our not talking is really not all that unusual - especially since I haven't done much gardening so far this year - and her house is behind mine.
I think she was a little nervous. I just gave her a hug and asked her how she was doing. This arrangement probably means H is not going to try to change - and really that is what she really wants but can't have... I suspect she has picked a 22 year old b/c there is no risk - it is not about emotional intimacy. She and her H have a strong R - just no sex.
I posted about it at the time, circled and needed time to let it settle - and I am okay with it. It is a personal decision between her and her H - they are okay with it - there is no reason for me to not be okay with it.
I really am more sad that it has come to this. She was ready to D him 5 years ago when she thought he just didn't find her attractive. Now she has accepted - it has nothing to do with that... But she has also accepted - things will never change.
She did "test drive" before she got M - that part of his reaction to his childhood sexual molestation didn't kick in until after she had kids...
We will go out again when I get back. I don't really care about socially acceptable. She is my friend and that is that.
I think you have to respect the fact that we do have a definite bias...this is a promarriage site. And a site that is dedicated to healing folks who have been hurt by divorce and affairs and such.
Where there is room for lots of 'thought-spilling' for lack of a better word, you have to realize a lot of this is offensive--more than not palatable....it hurts folks who have been hurt by extramarital affairs. You are kind of blogging here, and it isn't a blog site.
I do see change and growth in you, and some of it is coming out in your thought processes, and I'd like to see you be able to find solutions, as we are a solution oriented site.
I think you need to be sensitive to other folks issues here as well.....you have relationships with the others around here....it's like a neighborhood, and where others don't need to read your posts, you still 'reside' here, and it's better if folks try to get along.
I think you're kind and don't want to hurt anyone.....I know you've been pretty hurt before.
Please be more sensitive.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
While I don't know AG that that well my sense is that she already shows a great deal of sensitivity here on the board as well as in the few emails I've exchanged with her.
I find that she processes incoming information deeply which is the nature of sensitive people. She will likely take time processing your post fully, reflecting upon it, and formulate a response. If she does reply. These are characteristics of sensitive people.
What could possibly have "bothered" other forum members with this thread? I don't need an answer to that question. I just don't get it. And it's not important that I do. :-) There are certainly a lot of posts, in this forum, that have little or nothing to do with DBing.
Thank you - but please let it go. This has been going on for years and in the past I defended myself. This time I didn't b/c really there was no point.
I have never shared the reasons that led to the animosity between myself and some of the senior posters with you or anyone else I keep in touch with off the BB b/c I didn't think it was relevant. And I tend to address issues with a person -with that person. I am not into talking about people behind their backs.
I never imagined deciding not to respond to offers of friendship would lead to such animosity. I backed off b/c sometimes people act like friends in public and say very mean things about each other behind their backs. Sometimes it was sister talking about sister. Sometimes it was jealousy b/c one Db'er had hooked up with someone they wanted. Sometimes it was one Db'er slamming another Db'er's approach.
I am just not use to that so I backed off. I tend to be a - you see exactly where you stand with me kind of person. I have copies of all of these emails and will forward them to you. It is my work computer - so out of habit I never delete anything.
The people I decided to keep in touch with are not like that. And while I do not advertise who I keep in touch with - there are several people from the BB. I do not keep in touch with people to win popularity contests or form alliances.
Anyway my negative experiences is why I support the DB BB no contact policy.
You and I have very different approaches to managing conflict compared to sg. That being said, she is the moderator which makes her the boss. She gets to call the shots here. Whether we like it or not - we should follow her instructions.
Perhaps all is as it should be - this vacation is a milestone in many ways.
Also thank you for noticing when several of my threads disappeared and reappeared and the powers that be acted "as if" it was all in my imagination and was overreacting. I received several emails that day from fellow DB'ers. That alone should tell you that any argument is a waste of time and energy.
Take care my friend. You have been my role model and mentor for years. Thank you.
Adverse conditions are mere imputations by conceptual minds that label them 'adverse'; they do not exist inherently. ....Geshe Kelsang Gyatso, Universal Compassion
