Only issue is that I need to not be TOO perky with my H. Jody actually told me to tone it down a bit. I am now going for serene, calm, and contemplative rather than exuberant and upbeat.
seconded. I noticed a difference when I stopped trying to be SO DARNED HAPPY ALL THE TIME to yeah, I'm OK, I'm fine.
I called mine the "manic face" .... I was trying so hard to show H how happy I was when I wasn't that it looked too fake. once I calmed down a bit it helped .... also had to get to the detaching stage too, and that was really difficult to do, but eventually managed.
Bomb (ILYBINILWY, don't want to be married)Sept05 Seperated Sept/Oct 05 Oct 06 - H recomitted July 11 - I am now a WAW.
That is interesting. I just try to be natural. Of course, it helps that most of the time now I AM happy, I have a good job, and things are starting to calm down. I have set limits with people who tend to stress me out, and have told most of my friends who are not supportive to either a) keep their opinions to themselves or b) quit talking to me. It helps that I feel like I am gaining a little control over my own feelings.
The other thing is once I started shutting my ringer off, I don't always answer the phone when H calls because I don't hear it ring. I call back when I get the message. It helps, I think it has made me stop worrying so much about the p hone and him calling me, and also he sees I am not WAITING by the phone for him to call!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Lola, As I am only a month or so into DB ing, I would never presume to offer any advice, but I really wanted to say that I am thinking if you, and the enormous pain and turmoil that you are going through. You have been so kind to me with your support and much needed advice, and I am so grateful that in the midst of your troubles you have found time and energy to think about my situation. It's true I think, as my dear Mum says, that when you are going through dreadful times in your life, it can help to focus on others, and the concept of "service" has it's own rewards. In my better and more positive moments, I know that this is true. Putting out goodwill and kindness to others who have problems or are in unfortunate circumstances, I believe, has far reaching consequences in our own lives. I would say to you that no matter how hideous things seem now, I firmly believe that things will turn around for you. It may be months, or years, but I know that as I look back on my own life, and to the times when I have perhaps felt that my life is in a mess, or there seems little hope for my situation, I can see in retrospect that I am most certainly on a journey. Whether or not it is a concept of extreme personal spiritual trials, to lead us to a better place as human beings, I don't really know. All I do know is that in my life, as I look back, things do seem to happen for a reason. That often feels like cold comfort when we are in the throes of desperation, and when we feel like we are lost and hurting so dreadfully, but I know it to be true. We are all on a journey of some description, never really knowing what the final destination might be.
Perhaps though, it really doesn't matter exactly where we're going, it's what we do on the way there that shapes us as individuals.
I frankly think that you are an extraordinary person, and spiritually mature in ways that most people never ever even get remotely close to. Your dedication to your cause, your marriage and R are an inspiration to me, and I know to many others on this bb.
Please know that I believe that your reward will be HUGE when it finally comes. It may not always be in the ways that we hope for right now, for we never truly know what is around the corner, or what God's will for us, or the others in our lives might be. But I do believe that you are a true and good person, and whatever your issues with your H are, please know that nothing stays the same for ever. Our lives are constantly moving and shifting with time, even when at times, it seems inexorably slowly. It is only human to want to be free of our pain, to want happiness and goodness and fulfillment in our lives. We all deserve to be happy, and I think that you know deep down that you WILL be happy one day. In my better moments, I can hold on to that belief also, and once again I thank you for taking the time and energy to focus on others when your heart is truly breaking.
I would not presume to offer any practical advice, but just wanted to say that I'm thinking of you on the other side of the world, and I send you love and hope. Take care, and keep on doing what you're doing. It WILL all come right one day.
me: 45 w: 43 Married 19yrs Separated 6 months 2 children Bomb April2008 OM/EA May 2008. Not filed yet.
(((Lola))) You had a great last meeting with H...it is so good that you have gone on day 4 and you are not stressing!! I think the dark/dim is extremely hard too. My problem is that everytime I get an inch I what a whole mile!!! The turning the ringer off is a good idea, I might have to try that too!!
The other thing is once I started shutting my ringer off, I don't always answer the phone when H calls because I don't hear it ring. I call back when I get the message. It helps, I think it has made me stop worrying so much about the p hone and him calling me, and also he sees I am not WAITING by the phone for him to call!!!
That's an awesome idea Lola, I'm going to have to start doing that.
FLoyd The grass is always GREENER over the septic tank.
Oh my H never calls--my trick is to set myself to "away" on IM. Sometimes this works too :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Day 5 and still have not heard from H, but God works in mysterious ways.
My BFF Rose was at Wally World today to pick up a few essentials. She was not sure if she even wanted to go, but decided that she would anyway as she was already there.
She has only met H 2 or 3 times, she and I met a few days after H and I split. She looked up to realize she was in line behind H. She said hello, and they chatted for a few minutes, he asking her how the bar exam went, and talking about the dog and the dog training.
She called me after, but I was doing the regular Sunday napping (lol). We both agreed that God works in mysterious ways, if not just to make H think about me through their meeting for a few minutes today!
So faith goes on...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Wal-Mart lol! They both hate going there! I hate going there too...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
