well guys strange day. I have been detaching well and had a great week because of it. We had a few text conversations through out the week. Some I started some she did. Out of the blue she told me how crazy stressed out she was and another day she asked if I would pay her power bill (prior arrangement. I talked her into a more expensive appartment because it was better for the pets and said I could help a little). Either way she comes to me for help and it was notjust for money.
Both of the above examples I answered her questions or offered supportive words then back to detaching. But today I spent a few hours in the car with the radio and all that detatchibg came crashing down. Lots of crying hurt and anger. I let out anger but was good about stopping my mind from going down the om road. After a while I felt a lot better. I want to detatch. But I don't want to burry things inside. I have had problems with that before. So it was great to get it out but NOT to her.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
Sorry you have had to feel the pain of OM. It sounds like you are doing a great job detaching though and is probably for the best. I think it is great that she is coming to you for help but at the same time allowing her space. It sounds very TwinDad to me and look how his sitch turned out! Yours may take longer though with the schooling factor.
It's funny how the WAS's find that life isn't all that without us LBS's.
Have you every tried hitting a punch bag at a gym? It might be a good way of getting out that frustration. It's so good that you are not showing her your feelings of frustration and anger. Keep going with that one.
I think you can mourn and still be detached. Both are healthy. I actually think detachment can bring on mourning, cause you're accepting, letting go of what once was.
I think it's great that she still comes to you for emotional help, i.e. when she's stressed and needs to talk, that is seeing you as a supportive friend. That's an excellent thing, for you both and your friendship.
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Hey JWS, e-mail or call me with your info, because somehow your info didn't get saved in my phone when we exchanged! Grrrrr. I claim 3 beer or iphone ignorance, or a combination of both.
BTW, I had a fun time hanging out with you. I knew it already from your posts, but you're a GREAT guy, plus as it turns out--handsome and tall to boot! What the HECK is your W thinking?!
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
You know, I was just thinking about how good your approach is of just being supportive and proud of your W. From getting to know you and hearing more about your R with your wife, I get the distinct impression that she may feel outshined or overshadowed in your M. You have a really cool job, you're more outgoing than she is, you seem to have more friends and support than she has, etc. Perhaps those outward signs of success ended up making her a bit resentful for not 'living up' to something? That ended up in projection onto you and blame?
I know you've been doing this already, but I just wanted to reiterate that I think it's an excellent approach and to keep it up: giving her kudos for what she's doing, concentrating on being impressed by at least SOME of the choices that she's making (like how hard she's working in school, etc.).
It is in the shelter of each other that people live.--Irish proverb
Lost, you are spot on. She has struggled with living under my shadow for a long time. this is hard for me because I recognize it and have tried my best to show her i don't think she is, but even people in her family treat her this way. she has come to resent me for this and that is what lead to our problems over a year ago and continue today.
Thats a cause or root of the problem but it is not an excuse nor does it justify all that she has done. I do know better then most the sacrifices that military spouses make for this country and that is why I am supportive our her schooling and finding her place in this world even if it is without me. that has been the theme of the past week and it has put me in a great place.
I am truly proud and supportive of her and am detached to the point that my thoughts are rarely of her, rather then rarely of other things. We will just see what happens and how long I ride things out, but for now I am where I need to be.
It was very hard to go back to work after such a great 5 day weekend. I hung-out with friends and family, met a new friend and some other good people, even ended up crashing a wedding, so it took me 9 of my 13 hours at work today to accept the fact that I had to be there and start paying attention.
I have been out of the loop of everyones threads this week but will get back into it I promise.
Julia-- yours just locked up so as soon as I find the new one I'll stop by, pisces -- Same for you but it did not just happen I have been slacking, what is the new one called. Lost -- good luck tonight!!
you galls rock!! (((each of you)))
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
