I have never done the VR hug but here is one for you Mel
(((((MsMel))))
you can handle it
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I suppose, I should act as if & let this all roll off me. I really do need to talk to my H about or R. I don't want to spring it on him when/if we meet, yet sending him an email about a R talk might scare him away.
Ah, what to do????
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
So sorry to hear about what you're going through. I'm afraid that I don't have a cut and dry answer, but you mentioned having a DB coach? It sounds like there are some very serious decisions that you need to make, i.e. whether to contact a lawyer, whether to confront your H, whether to discuss the R, to set boundaries etc. I would highly recommend having a call with a DB coach before making a decision like that. This isn't one of those acts like calling or sending a text that could be easily fixed if it does end up going wrong. My guess is that all of us on this board will have different pieces of advice, but the coach will be best able to look at your own unique situation and help you to figure out what would be most effective for you.
Definitely keep venting though and writing mock emails. The board has saved me from sending letters and emails that might have destroyed my already fragile situation several times...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Personally I'd steer clear of the R talk initiation, but it really depends on what 'doing something different' means for your R. If you were the kind of person who never brought it up when you were living together, it might be worth a go, but if you liked discussing it then, it's probably not such a good idea.
Can you summarise the contacts you've been having with your H and what changes you've been trying in your sitch?
In relation to the OW, I know it's hard but try not to focus on it. The best thing is to focus on your R with H and trying things to improve it. There are two schools of thought on OW knowledge- to expose, or not to expose. What do you think would be best in your situation?
Hi OD, Thanx. The R talk we didn't do until after the bomb . I suppose that pushed him away - although I was focused on the Whys and not the Hows. I figured when he left there was OW in the picture. And didn't focus on it. The confirmation yesterday - was a slap in the face to reality.
Well, per my DBcoach - my 180 is being very positive, lighthearted & trying to be his cheerleader. This has worked. Before when I emailed him, he would reply 2 weeks later. Up until 2 weeks ago, he would reply the same day or the next. I mentioned about just chatting (light subjects) on the phone. He agreed - but have heard nothing (that is the people pleaser in him). We have been meeting each other about once a month.
The OW subject - probably not to expose. What good would it do?
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yyyeess, better today, thanx for asking. I'm coming back to earth with Billy Blast Off & Major MM (that are in the room w/me).
Made an appt with a L & another to see a C in my area. On the phone she seems to follow the DB principles & is on my insurance. So we shall see - as I focus on me!
Me39, XH45 Kids 3 dogs, 2 cats Divorced 6/4/09 Tricky thing is not how you live, but how you live with yourself. (POTC)
