I haven't been around for awhile, but when I was I often wondering how you were doing and where you were in your sitch.
Sounds like it hasn't changed.
So, you want to know how to become attractive to her -- well, my friend, you should know the basics by now, right? New cologne (try Chrome -- chicks dig it ), new duds, new head/facial hair, working out, finding sexy new hobbies like salsa dancing, etc. What have you tried so far? What do you know that she find attractive? THINK MAN, THINK! You've been at this long enough to know. How about some semi-flirty, somewhat elusive, light-hearted banter? You know, touch-and-go type stuff. Don't do it and linger for a response -- just do it in passing, and make seem like no big deal. Like you're just having fun and have no ulterior motive. That kind of stuff exudes confidence, my friend. Be the man -- have no fear! If the response is stale or negative, let it simply be water off a duck's back -- don't let it soak in and consume you, just dust yourself off and repeat (or try something different).
Whatever you do/try, it's not gonna change things (minutely or radically) over night, so just take stock and monitor results.
Nick, glad to hear from you. I have also been wondering how some of the other people are doing since I dropped of the boards for a good 9-10 months. What is the latest with you?
Yeah, I hear you on the pointers on rebuilding the attraction. All good tips you laid out for me. My biggest issue is I never have really dated. I dated before meeting my wife but nothing serious or anything that lead to the really whowing phase. Even with my wife we really never dated. It was truly love at first site. Yes, serious. The first day I met her after I left her house, I told the guy I was with that I was going to marry that girl. We did not date much. We had a long distance courtship and the married. So it was really puppy love that brought us together.
Crazy thing. I have initiated the light banter and gone back to telling her how beautiful she is and calling her by little nicknames I used to use. I have been afraid to say those types of things to her in fear that she would take them as pressuring or out of line. But I believe that enough time has pasts that she welcomes then once again. She seemed to react rather well to them. She was much more light hearted over the past couple of days and not so on guard. I will continue with them. Only time will tell if she will continue to lighten up or if she just one days says stop it with that behavior.
I do need to work on planning so activities that we can both start doing together. Something that will help build the affection. Currently we watch movies at my house or go hang out by the pool or go shopping. Fun times, but nothing romantic or sexy about them. Any thoughts?
Glad you dropped me a line. Hope to see you around the board.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
It really is insightful. It gives insight to how women really think. NOT how women think they think. Make sense?
Take Care,
NMD
Just an off the wall question......
if his advice is so good, how come he's still unmarried?
*KS*Chick* I think he may have been addressing my question on how to go about dating someone new. I did read the book. It is a good read for someone who wants to date someone new, but not all that helpful on how to date your W, as the author suggest it.
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Nugget - what kinds of things did she comment on previously - things that attracted her to you?
Nothing said at all. She is not the type of person that talks about her personal feelings, wants or needs. This is were a lot of my mis-assumption on my part have came into play in my marriage. You know the old saying, "No news is good news."
“Do you want to be RIGHT or want to be LOVED” “You have to have a life to share a life with someone” “When you stop resisting, you start learning”
Nugget, you and I don't really know each other, but it seems to me that your W and you have a thing going on already? you are telling her she is beautiful and calling her nicknames? you are already flirting with her.
There are a couple things you could do. if she is really comfortable, then you could just directly ask her out. Here's a scenario: a fundraiser. maybe someone at work is a volunteer for a local school. Maybe there is an art auction to benefit a boys-and-girls club. The museums have fundraisers, too. Etc etc. Preferably an evening event, where you have 2 tickets. Preferably someplace where you can sort of be anonymous; like it's not gonna be an awkward situation where you are introducing her as your ex-wife. And you say to her, I have these two tickets, I need someone to go, I was thinking of asking....
Two ways to go here- you could just ask her directly. or, you could take a longer term view and say "I was thinking of asking <someone else>; and I'm a little thoughtful about what our son will think." Something like that. You'd have to be prepared for her response. If she says "oh, he'd worry." then you have an opening to ask her. If she honestly doesn't care, then you would have to be prepared to ask someone else.
This is a "date" sort of, but not really.
Another thought - find new stuff to discover, and find ways to include her. This brings back the newness. New restaurants. New places to visit. Start playing the guitar. Whatever. Newness is the thing. Discovering new stuff with someone is one thing that builds attraction.
just a couple ideas. good luck to you.
M 43 S14 S13 D11 D7 Divorce final: Jan 2009 Making it up as I go....
