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FIB,

So sorry to hear that son had to see that and you were the one left to explain. Sadder still is that she is at a point where she doesn't even try to spare your feelings. As long as you are still living under the same roof there will be other hits to the gut that you will have to take. The good thing is that everytime we have to deal with the hits, it only makes us stronger.

Thank you for the compliment but as I told you sometime ago, although the genders may be reversed, the stories are eerily similar, from the way it started out to the months of flip-flopping, ....even down to the Olympics fantasy.

Looking back now, I don't believe in baby steps. I think that they were created by us to give us an excuse to keep hanging on.

Have a great weekend with the kids!

Love,
Bethie

Bethie...agreed. All along I've posted that 'babysteps' are blips of normalcy based on guilt...or...attempts at redirecting the 'throwing-in-the-towel LBS back to the status quo.

This morning, my STBXW left to do a wedding very early. Not long after, my son came downstairs complaining of a sore throat. I gave him Motrin and made an appt. for the pediatrician. My W arrived home as we were getting ready to leave. I told her immediately what was going on and I was attacked:
-why didn"t I call her
-I should schedule appts when she can go
-then examined him (without a flashlight) to check my veracity

This outburst again was in front of the kids:

??????????????????????????

After the doc visit, the doc told me she had called asking for the doc to call her with results....as if I would withhold that from her.

Anger is back:
-to think that I was making dinner for you
-you are taking my kids away from me
-you are driving this
-what you are doing is"vile and disgusting"

FIB

Babysteps.....NOT.
FIB

FIB is it possible that you could have called w before leaving and inviting her to the Dr appt. In her mind she feels purposely left out as if she doesn't exist.

Of course she is going to rant in front of the children. She knows that will get your attention.

In her mind if she was making dinner, why bother he just excluded me when my own child was ill.

In her mind a D is exactly that taking her children from her.

In her mind you are driving the D, not her and yes all of things are making her mad.

Could you expect anything less?

Ok should I duck and cover?

Babysteps.....NOT.
FIB

Glam...that is divorce. If I was in the OR and my son was sick, would I get angry that my STBXW took my son to the doctor?

No glam....I would be thankful that she got him help. This week, my W booked well-visit appts without asking meif I could make the appts. She texted me the day without the time. Did I get mad or lash out? No.

In fact,Glam, with all due respect, after reading your remarks, you may want to look inward...and think. FIB

PS Glam...after 3 OM's'in 17 months....yes...I am driving this.Also..if bi-polar..she may be just cycling. FIB

FIB,

I totally agree with you. If one of my children were sick the first thing I would do is to get them treatment. The next would be to make my calls. Besides, didn't you say that your wife was working?

It sounds as if you wife is trying to control whatever she can. I also think that she's doing a really good job of making sure she gets everyone's attention in letting them know what a concerned Mom she is.

To narcissists it's always more important how it looks then what really is!

I don't know FIB when I read your posts about your W they just all make sense to me. Maybe my thinking is more in align with hers, thats all.

Oh no, maybe I am the one in MLC and not my h.

FIB,

Gotta run to church here shortly, but I missed your call and wanted to tell you a couple things.

They can only hurt us because of how strong and deep our love was for them. And you remain susceptible for awhile, because it will take awhile for that "hopeful love" to slowly wane.

Don't allow yourself to fall into abused spouse behavior. Your message to me on the phone sounded like a classic physically abused wife line, the kind of stuff they would say a few days after the last beating.

You WANT to think nice things about your wife. You WANT to believe her when she suggests that YOU are the driving force here, not her. You WANT to believe that she actually WANTS to save the relationship.

FIB, I'm sorry, but you know that's not true.

You filed for full custody at a time when your wife was totally off the wall in her behavior. Remember stinky kids and no housework? Remember an inability to prepare a meal for the kids? Remember leaving them in front of the videos?

Yes, she looks more together now, and perhaps she is. And perhaps she's doing a great job of keeping up the facade until the legal proceedings are over.

You on the other hand have tried your best to handle everything with integrity and compassion. Do I really need to remind YOU now of all the things you have reminded US of over the past couple years? I don't think I do.

The conversations with the child guardian representative, surprisingly enough, BOTH contained the absolute truth. What you shared as to your reasons for filing for full custody was absolutely truth, despite your wife's recent behavior. The surprise is that what SHE told the guardian was absolutely true also - you are a wonderful father.

Rest in that.

I'm sorry for the anger and her shutting you out again. Who knows why, truth is it just doesn't matter anymore.

Be who you are, try to handle her with loving compassion to the best of your ability. Return love and kindness for her anger and hatefulness. Then you will be able to lay your head on your pillow in peace each night.

I'll check in after church.


Blessings,

Bill