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Hi Dar, remember this


IF the lunch happens stay strong Dar otherwise you will go down again big time. This man has treated you soooo badly. Stand up for yourself and your d. You can do this you do deserve so much better.
Did you read the post Summer made to Steelers it was brilliant unfortunately but not unexpectedly it never got a mention but it is worth reading.
Stand for your m if you want by all means just don't do it from the gutter laying down waiting for the man himself to give you a crumb or a pat.

I am rooting for you.

dar:

zero expectations. do what YOU feel is the proper course of action. don't listen to the ways of the world and get sucked into that trap. people do this and later regret it. do what is best for YOU.

Dar, just found the post.
Hi Steelers I see you are shredding! strange that for years you have maintained your H gave you all his money and lived rent free at ow,s. Now your shredding rent bills, and other things.
I really am sorry.
BTW, not sure where I am going to post next with my worldly advice not doubt you will find me.


SF,

I respect, understand and agree with your trust in God and your stand for your marriage. What I think is difficult to fathom though is why you seem to think that "standing" means paralysis.

Both Charlyne Steinkamp and Erin Thiele, 2 women whom I respect and admire enormously, who both successfully stood for and restored their marriages -- did NOT put their own lives on hold while standing. They used the time apart wisely.

They both worked outside the home -- and turned themselves, their children and their homes into a place of refuge -- a place filled with peace and love. A place their H's would want to return to. They learned to be better housekeepers, better mothers and better people.

They prepared themselves, their children and their homes for the restoration -- b/c they knew that no restoration would ever happen until they did their part to be ready for it.

Neither chose to ever burden their H's with anything going on with the families they left behind. They made no demands on them financially, emotionally or otherwise -- beyond what the H's chose to offer. They depended on only themselves and on God. Truly knowing that God was their provider...they truly lived and demonstrated their faith.

Both Erin and Charlyne demonstrated, what I believe is the ultimate act of faith in God's word, by living their lives the same way they would have -- whether their H's returned...or not.

Their quality of life wasn't dependent on their H...it was instead on God where they placed their focus.

So while you are standing firm for your marriage, I would hope that you would understand, that as with Erin and Charlyne and all successful standers, that God is looking for YOU to make some changes in yourself and your life.

There is much work for both you and your H to do before a restoration will work. But if you choose to do the work...you will see your marriage restored!

Naej,

Why do you say my H treats me soooo badly? Badly how? Sure, he ignores me and all, but I'm sure it could be a lot worse. Please go further with this so I can see what you're thinking.

SF,

Thanks for your advice as always! I would love to snag some of the patience you show for sure! I really don't know what to do at this point, and not sure what's really worth it anymore, etc. I'm feeling torn.

Ha! H just cancelled lunch. He's supposed to be at his dad's 'watching' him from just having surgery, but had to go into work the past 2 days first. Now he's stuck there, apologized and told me how much he hates his job. Oh well.

Dar, I say your H treats you so badly maybe I shouldn't have enphasised the so, purely by reading your posts and the way you have constantly built your hopes up and been crushed time and time again.
Over the time I have been reading you have had some of the great DB ers post to you, often getting cross with you for not listening! but always out of love and concern for you.
You have been alone what 2 years now.Nothing is changing and I just want you to completely drop the rope and get on with your life. Yes your H may come back I don't recall ever saying D him.
Yes your H could certainly be alot worse but that is not the point is it.
The ignoring you and letting you down and not being a husband to you is causing you endless heartache. I think thats a form of abuse. Maybe you would only call being punched abuse.
Some people can cope with stuff that other people can't.
This is about you Dar, what you can put up with, what you want your life and your d,s life to be like in the future.
Your happiness,her happiness.
When you decide enough is enough thats your call. We all support each others stand but as I said before there is standing and laying down.
You sound so much better and happier every time you reach the point were you say you have had enough.
Thats all its no conspiracy on my part to try to get you to end your m, I waited 4 years and am still single even tho my x rem.
By all means stand but do it with love and joy and make a life for yourself that doesn't depend on your errant h to make it a happy life.
Hope lunch goes as you wish it too.

Dar you need to ask yourself what is it that you truly want. Is it that you want to restore your m or would you prefer to go in another direction?

Once you decide that, then you can make movement in either direction.

You m is worth it! What was it that you found in your h? Focus on the good about your h, not on what makes you upset. Find that in your heart.

So your h cancelled. Send him a nice e-mail and thanking him for letting you know. Mention something about how sorry you are that he is stuck at work. If it's not too far out there you could always offer to drop lunch off at his work for him. You don't need to stay but it's a nice gesture.

Kindness, love and support is what your h will gravitate to.

Hi Dar,

Surprise, surprise that H cancelled. Um....Not! He's so predictable. I am glad you didn't have expectations.

Naej, good post.

Who said I am paralyzed????? I am living my life and doing things I would normally do. I have placed my faith in God NOT my husband. I do not worship my husband at all. We are of one flesh.

Dar your h can't be the husband that you want him to right now, but that doesn't mean that can't change. You can't have expectations for him right now as if your m is perfect and no issues between you.

It first starts with building a friendship with NO expectations and then you can possibly work some romance in there. Your h has to see you as this beautiful, wonderful, supportive woman.

Do you want to know how many times I was let down by my h? The point here is that you are not laying down for your h is called loving him unconditionally.

Through my efforts my h is just now coming around, but it has taken me 2 years to get to this point.

Anything is possible Dar! What is it that you want to happen for your life and then make goals to strive for that.