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Hi Neil,
Just stopping by to say 'hi'.
It's that time of the year where I start feeling the urgency of 'organizing'

bulletin boards, schedules, new books, assignments, etc.

Not so into though this year.
How are you?

Peace
Bridge

so i slipped a little bit today....

my W was picking up the kids today...and her text message ring tone goes off....."you're the most beautiful thing i've ever seen".....used to be mine tone....i say "guess that's not my ringtone anymore, huh?" which i knew a long time ago that she changed it....she answers...why would you say that? i answer "i don't know"...she said well it's a generic ring tone, and i like the song. left it at that

i feel like i suck at communicating with her. that i open my mouth and continually insert my foot. LOL. i don't feel terrible.....i am just struggling with communication lately....

Neil, sweetie, it sounds to me like you are trying to get her to recognize your hurt feelings ? Are you hurt that she changed the ring tone ? or hurt that maybe someone else has it now ?

You can see from her response, that right now, she either can't or won't acknowledge your pain. To me, it sounds like she can't.

If it were me, I'd try to acknowledge my own pain, (quietly in my head) & then try not to look to her as a source of comfort right now. If she does, then great, if you have no expectation, & she doesn't, then your disappointment is minimal.

take care

actually it's more that i think someone else has it now....course, that's part of my narcissistic nature that i'm working on. the problem is that i'm tired...and it makes my emotions more raw...and i have a difficult time keeping them in my mind. LOL...at least i recognize that, right?

it really isn't a big deal....just an example of how i sometimes don't think before i talk...LOL

actually.. one that is one big thing I have asked my H to try & do less of...

I remember seeing a quote somewhere once.. FB maybe??

Talking without thinking, is like shooting without aiming.

I know we all do it.. words pop out before we mean them to, things you try biting back for hours, eventually work their way to the surface when we're tired, mentally, physically, emotionally.... and we're stuck with them, out loud in the room.

uggg...

I know you weren't 'trying' to be hurtful or pouty or anything...

you were just noticing, outloud to her, that a ring tone, that once signified "you" to her, is now a ring tone signifying something/body else.

Another visible change that all is not what it used to be.

Hugs to you for the abruptness of that.
Peace
Bridge

This is an area that you CAN work on Neil. Wearing our emotions on a sleeve is a sign that we are weary and worn from the ongoing drama. It's a sign that it's time for some distance and a chance to recharge. You ignore these signs at your peril.

You know this already I'm sure, but that little cell phone exchange was needy and clingy. It showed her a weak man.

And sometimes we are weak. That's the bottom line.

But it's kind of like the fourth quarter of a big football game against a strong opponent. You ARE tired. You ARE exhausted. But you can NEVER let your opponent see that you are either of these.

You get knocked down on a hard hit - you bounce right back up and hustle back to the huddle.

Always show strength and composure, even though that may not be what's going on inside.

It does hurt to think we've been replaced in another small part of their life. But I honestly believe that we make a lot of this stuff up in our heads due to lack of information from them. Our minds, left to our fears and anxieties, can create all kinds of horrific scenarios to keep our insides churning.

It's all a matter of getting yourself together. If you're responding to a cell phone ring, you're WAY too attached to this woman and the things she is doing. Detachment my friend. Easy to say, hard to obtain. Remind yourself that you do not, can not control her or her decisions. She's on a trip and all you can do is be ready when she gets back.


Blessings,

Bill