Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Walk-Away-Spouse You read it, you name it.

HI Christa and Hopeful etc.

Hope things are going well for you.

I have had a very strange week (10 days). Not even sure how to write it. I can say I have had some communication. Nothing to believe there is a change of heart. But there is some communication and that in itself has not been there. It is wierd and the timing too. I've been spending time with someone and although there is not a burning draw, there is a spark. Seems about right.

NHF,
I can try to answer your questions as they relate to my sitch. Smartcookie, if she's available, might also have valuable insight, as would Bridgestone.
My H pursues to the point of stalking.
I guess that would lead me to ask, is the R with your new love (now almost ex?) a healthy one? In other words, are you true to yourself, or are you just doing the same things you did w/ your first W? (Not trying to imply that you were in an unhealthy R there, but after all, the M did end - you know what I mean?)
Let's assume that this new love is the person you choose, and she chooses you back. You both have baggage, but have the tools to deal with it. Does it really matter which of you is better equipped to DB? If you both know how to row a boat, won't the boat get there faster and without capsizing?
Hope you find this helpful. Good luck, and Peace. Goldey

nothavingfun,

Lack of communication is very difficult. Have you been contacting her or has she been contacting you? Any luck with getting her to hang out? B/C she knows about DB she may see your efforts as an attempt to get her back. She needs to be reassured that you only want to be friends. It is difficult to say. What has been going on?

I am here to help if you have any questions. I hope you are doing well. Hang in there.

We have been playing cribbage on-line.

I initiated it. But she responded and that is something that has not happened for a long time. We played for over 3 hrs the first time and 2 the secoond. Lots of laughs. No R talk. She brought up something from the past and I sent her an email regarding it. She answered that and admitted something in it that she hadn't told me before. Nothing big really.

My question now is, Since we are communicating but it is only initiated by me, do I pull back and see what she does?

It was great playing with her. It is something we had done early in our relationship. She seemed to enjoy it too as she agreed a second time.

I am not asking her everyday so NO PRESSURE.

Gold-I have to run but will try and reread your post and answer it. Thanks

Gold,

No it does not matter who is better at dbing. But you both have to be int the game. So to speak. What I was trying to say is she is good at detatching and LRT. Me, not so much.

As far as this R compared to my M, We both read the books along with all the others out there. We both know there are "tools" to make things work. She chose not to.

I have to appologize. I am feeling a little bitter lately. I guess a year of trying has finally caught up to me.

Someone posed a question about the mindset of the LBS. but I can't seem to find it. I think it was one who has responded on this so hopefullyu this can help but it may be a bit harsh.

The LB, when they first here that the WAS has a problem, they panic. They scramble to figure out what went wrong. They finally hear what the WAS was trying to tell them (I know some of you were very clear on what you wanted but they just didn't get it). So the LB tries to make changes. Beggs and pleads for another chance. Goes weeks, months without sleeping (just as the WAS did before leaving). They can't eat. They can't think. They see all these ways they made mistakes and have good solid solutions to fix the issues. They try to reason but are only ignored or doubted.

Then one day it hits them. YOU DIDN'T WANT ME! YOU DIDN'T NEED ME. AND YOU CERTTAINLY DIDN'T APPRECIATE THE LOVE I SHOWED. DIDN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS TRYING TO DO TO MOVE OUR RELATIONSHIP FORWARD OR THE EFFORTS I WAS GIVING. So they become bitter. They just went through a hell that they never knew existed. They wanted one chance. A little faith and got nothing.

They stop pursueing. And that is when you notice. Their heart is shattered and you still own it but they will be damned if they are going to let you kick it any more. Maybe tehy started seeing someone and there is a little spark. Not what they had with you but a spark. They hold the other person yet long for you. It's you they want to be with, but now, they no longer believe in you. And they are angry. Angry at themselves as well as angry at you.

This isn't ment to P.O. anyone here. I know the walk aways had their reasons and I am sure they were legit. I am hopefully answering why the LB who persued so hard and so diligent for so long has now, changed their mind. It isn't their heart. It's their trust in you.




J