Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis I'm devastated

Frank--

You're a good guy. And not everything is your fault.
But the truth is, you haven't done what you need to do yet. Toughening up is good.....but not as suggested. Toughen up, stop drinking, do the right things.



I believe in you.

sg

Frank,

I must have missed the part that you have a drinking problem. Is this something your wife has indicated is a roadblock for her to return to the marriage? If so, what have you done about it?

Peace,

Puppy

Frank, I am sorry this is the situation.

Whatever you want from her (respect, attention, cooperation), give to her.

If you go in with weapons loaded, figuratively speaking, you will get back what you give.

Frank,

It is time for her to go.

As I said in my reply to your email her behavior now threatens your sobriety and in turn, it threatens you maintaining custody of the girls.

DON'T THINK she won't use this tumble off the wagon against you.

She willingly crossed your line about dating while in your home - and yes, now the dividing line is drawn, it's YOUR home, yours and the girls - and she is now rubbing your face in it.

WHY?

Because there hasn't been one damn repercussion to anything she has done outside of you being in a pissy mood from time to time.

Well...I think now it's time for her to start reaping what she's sown and for you to CEASE paying for her lack of character.

To thine own self be true, Frank.
I think it is time.

I really wish you'd reconsider AA - you need a sponsor and you could also benefit from the fellowship.
It's irrelevant whether you fall off the wagon weekly or annually.

We love you, Frank.



Amy

The drinking issues stem from pressure and stress and depression. I have gotten on anti depressants and they have helped.

She has left 3 times in the past 8 years. I DB, stop drinking but haven't resolved the hurt and issues I have. Each time she does nothing to help me, even when I ask.

This time she left at the worst financial and emotional place we could possibly be in.

I've been struggling with picking myself up the past 7 months. Stop drinking, she changes her behavior, I get hopeful, I get dashed. It's my choices that are killing me. sometimes I wish they would succeed.

But, I have 2 kids who she could never support. So I keep going.

Have you considered AA, Frank? Would you be willing to go if your wife said it was important to her and to the marriage? HAS she ever said that?

Puppy

Puppy, we're way beyond that 'helping' the marriage. For the past 3 years I suffered from PTSD and severe depression and anxiety.

I went to an AA meeting tonight, like AmyC said, just to be around people. I don't identify well with AA tenets like 'powerlessness' because I am a type A over achiever in my 'normal life'.

I can stop drinking, I've done it before. What I have the most trouble with is carrying all the stress of our relationship. She doesn't know how to be supportive, and our last breakup / affair 3 years ago was 'fixed' because I did all the work.

That's the real problem in my life. I don't love and respect myself enough. I'm a 'nice guy'. That has to end.

I'm feeling a little better, not as hopeless as before. I know my marriage is dead and I do have to do 'the work' for myself.

That's GREAT to hear, Frank!!

Admitting you are powerless over alcohol (and/or anything else) doesn't have to be a bad thing if you consider the admission itself to be the first step in taking BACK the power...over your life. It's all in how you choose to view it.

I'm so glad you went.

Now rinse and repeat.

Let's not say it that way.

You can still be a nice guy and not be pushed around, disrespected and peed on anymore.

It'll come alongside of you realizing in your spirit your true value as a human being - as a MAN - is completely independent of your wife.