Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Supportive and Proud Weather She Likes it or Not!!

JWS! That is great news you are spending your anny w her. i always think that if a spouse wants to do that- it is a big step. my H's and my anny was a month ago...and here we are now..so just let it ride...

just have fun, be casual and light!

thank you for the sweet compliments~ you show sow much genuine love for your W that i cant help but reach out to you. You deserve all the love in the world ....

cant wait to hear about y our dinner ...

JWS,



If you are truly how you feel then you are really getting it! You are coming on a long way on the detachment. Do you feel like some pressure has been lifted?

I thought your discussion with your friend that admired you for wanting to stick it out in yuor M after telling you you had alot of reasons for being done, was fantastic. That is a friend that is going to support you in which ever path you choose.....a good friend!

My kids do like airplanes, I took them to Battleship Park in Mobile immediately following the sep. We were on our way to the beach. They had a collection of vintage planes and had the best time. They talk to the airplanes like they are people (Hi! Mr. Air plane). They even wanted to geta bandaid for one helicopter that had a broken canopy.

I hope your diner goes well tonight....remember a fun time....those smiles were good signs

I just jumped out of the shower and am soaking wet but had a thought I needed to share. I was praying in the shower when all of a sudden an answer popped into my head. Among the things I pray for is for God to keep us both safe from temptation. And I truly mean both of us we are very vournable right now. Then it hit me, I am sure this comes from elsewhere but I remember it from even all mighty

“If you pray to be courage God dose not give you courage he gives you the opportunity to be courageous”

He has given me this opportunity right now. The only dishonest think I do in my life is look at her phone records. I am now taking the opportunity to end that temptation. I am also tempted to play out scenarios in my head of them. This is another opportunity to rid myself of that pain.

For her, this is a huge temptation and a chance to make good changes. Either she already has, or is in the process of doing so. Even if she went to him because she had no place to go. It was only her and God there and I have no way of knowing the choices she made, and it’s not my place to do so. God will not make her a better person but he will give her the tools and place her in situations to use them, and ultimately he will be the only judge on how she does not me.

Praying has given me so much strength and I trust God to take care of me, but no where does it say pray and sit back to let him deliver.

I want to be free of temptation, so don’t place tempting things right in front of my face!

I want her to be trustworthy, so TRUST her!

I want to be happy, so seek out my own happiness!

JWS

That all makes a lot of sense and sounds like a good plan.


and that just made me laugh a lot!!!

I haven't posted here before, but I wanted to tell you that was beautiful! It was great to hear that I am not the only one who ehars "voices" in my head!!!

Listen to them!!!

Ha! Excellent.



This is a great way of looking at it. Thanks for that, Daisy.

Don’t ever let me wine about pain again because mine does not compare to hers. She was mad when she got here; we talked a bit on the way to dinner. She is mad I turned her parents against her. I calmly said that is their own issue and they came to me. Lots more about me destroying.

Dinner was 40 mins. She was sobbing, shaking and quivering the entire time; I tried hard to be her friend, and even talked about work and other stuff to change the subject. She just sat there tearing a piece of bread into a million bits. After I paid she stormed out, and everyone looked at me as if i had just broken up with her.

In the car a talk a bit about nothing till she said I asked you to shut up don't make me be mean. I said ok but i had some stuff to give her at my house. We got there and I went in to get a box of stuff she had left there last time. I came out and she had thrown a few things of mine from her car into the street. i put the box in her car then she slammed and locked the door. I stood there and she rolled the window down, I said "I wish we did not leave it this was” she peeled out.

She went the wrong way so peeled back. I was standing in the street, so she stopped. I asked for my garage door opener. she gave it to me and again had the most painful look i had ever seen. I said very quietly “happy anniversary”. she said yeah it was f!@#ing great and peeled off.


Weather I have destroyed her as she claims or her own guilt and shame have I am not sure, but it is not healthy for us to see each other right now. So it time for a vacation from this. I will return anything she sends me but unless it’s important i am not starting any communication till I get back from the big easy.

I no longer feel pain or hurt about this; except for the pain I feel that she is hurting soooooooo bad. All I want is for her to be happy. I can not give her that she has to make it happen. What ever she decides to do I will support. I am now her friend completely. Her H is gone for a good while and its better this way.


still an opertunity to be courageous and trusting, by standing back and letting her fly for a change.

Actually her H might have finally walked in the building, this might not be what her H wants, but he has compassion for the hurt she is in even though it is that hurt which has caused him all this pain in the last couple of months. That is detachment my friend. You are a good man for saying this!


Now on to sitch, backslide. I am not certain what was said with her parents but try to put yourself in her position. Most of the world probably thinks you are the greatest thing since sliced bread. Most probably don't have a clue as to why she would feel the need to walk. So now all of her family/friends, anyone who knows her thinks she is making a huge mistake. They are also probably blaming her for this and saying some pretty self righteous things. Afterall you and the others are in a position of being "right"...standing up for M.

Makes her existence a pretty lonely one.....doesn't it. Some of her best friends and family have turned their back on her or even "attacked" her for this decision. She had some pretty strong emotions this evening.

If her parents or friends ask you anything along these lines again just say something like "it is not what I would like, but I want her to be happy and I support her in any decision she may want to make". So what is her best friend going to say to her........?

If you have any conversation/correspondence with her in the next several days make it something along the lines of: "It is unfair that you are being made out to be the bad-guy in this sitch, we both had a part in this. I may not like that we are sep, but I do share in the blame. You deserve to have more support in this"


This is just my take and you are right, some it may be guilt, but a lot of it is, she is in an impossible position. She sees more of you (granted the old you) than anyone else....so they bascially think she is crazy for wanting this. I had some very similar occurances in my sitch (I was the golden boy.....). I personally don't feel my W made a mistake in sep......it has been one of the greatest gifts she has given us and me in the 12 years we have been together.

THANK YOU

i think you are right on with her and i need to keep it about her, and not dewl on my own pain. I know she can't fix my pain only I can. she feels very alone and even though she is the one isolating herself you are proably spot on on the reasons.

I don't think she made a mistake either and this is the best thing that could have happen to us as long as we can weather it.

Sorry that the dinner was so rough, (((J))). But you got an unfiltered glimpse into her head and heart right now--a rough and tumble place to be. You were rightly compassionate and didn't take it too personally. I know how hard it is to deal with anger/sadness/mood swings from your S—it can be scary.

Be strong, be detached, be happy with you. You’re a good man.