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Imp,

I'm not saying this is your H, but this is a lot of them. They like having 2 women on the line. It makes them feel like a king. Now you are moving out and are not going to be his woman anymore. That is a loss. From 2 down to 1. So, he wants to draw you back in. Not to make you the only one, but to set you in what he sees as your rightful place, one of his 2 women. So just be aware that while he seems to be having second thoughts, his goal and yours may still be very different.

It sounds like the classic "want what we cant have" syndrome.

Hello everyone.

I always feel the quickening of my heart when someone comments that my husband's intentions could be anything but admirable. It's my deep loyalty and love for him that creates the need to defend his honor. When my C suggested my husband could be using me several weeks ago, I listened to what he had to say, but my heart said, "NOT my h. He's not that kind of person." Who the heck knows. I believe deep down he is the wonderful man I grew to love with my entire heart and soul.

Thanks so much for checking in. I've been completely exhausted and fried. I haven't been sleeping well - so much is going on in my head. Seeing a glimpse of the man I fell in love with and married got me all twisted.

However, yesterday was somewhat of a test for my husband. I've been leading the way in the fight for my marriage. I've been investing my emotions, giving support, providing things a wife provides for many months without much given in return. Yesterday, four years after we promised to love each other forever, I waited for him to take the wheel. Deep down inside I hoped flowers would arrive (although he's only given me flowers twice in our relationship - he's soooooo NOT the romantic type). If he had given me any indication that he was willing to give us a second chance, I believe I would have jumped at it (with many "needs" of MINE to be met for a change).

No flowers. No card. No reaching out, other than to call before he left the office to see if he could pick anything up for me at the store (I missed the call). I let him have the lead and he dropped the ball, so I'm going to continue on as if the eve of our anniversary was just a dream. If I could have the 'old' husband back... if I could have our early years together back - I'd be the happiest girl in the world. I just don't know if it's possible. I will try not to close my heart completely, but I need the man I love to FIGHT for me.

I'm still feeling strong and I still appreciate your support more than you know.

((((((((((Girlie)))))))))) I'm sorry that he blew off your anniversary. He's still in his own self absorbed fog.

What would you say to me if I told you I believed my OM's intentions were honorable ?

Hugs

Zebra's do not change their stripes.

It should take more than flowers and cards.

I would think total transparency and telling the OW in front of you to F off.

I would also think removing the lock off that box would be a first step. When a man locks up something and won't allow his W to see/know about it then something is up.

(((ms imp)))

I sure do hope that H reaches out to you. Only you know him well enough to decide what is sufficient and significant action from him. I am sorry he didn't do so on your anniversary, but its significance may have weighed too heavily on him and caused him to draw back a bit. I hope that is what it was. You still sound strong.

I don't know, but it seems like he was peeking out of his MLC a tiny bit. It also might have been the proximity to the anniversary. (Odd isn't it that all three of us who share the 13th experienced a weird little positive shift around THE day?)


Isn't this normal behavior for someone beginning to come out of the fog? We can't expect a steady increase in interest or intimacy. Once the WAS begins to admit to themself what they have done often withdraw.

Also, I certainly understand how receiving flowers would have been wonderful but I think he may not have gotten to the stage where he can even think about your feelings.




Ms. Imp, I'm glad to hear that. I'm in the same spot myself. Should H want to work on things I certainly won't agree immediately. He has to demonstrate that he is committed to making our R better.

Hey Ms. Imp..

Anniversaries of any type seem to be stored in our subconscious and take on greater significance during bad times. Inattention when you're together is accepted, when you're apart it's devastating.

You're doing great.. on a day where you could have gotten lost you had an incredible insight.. that you need the man you love to fight for you. Most excellente!

You are love.

*hugs*

You're anniversary was the 13th, too ISH?! Wow. Now I'm starting to feel all spooky...

I just saw on your thread that you took off your wedding ring after 25 years on Wed. I can't imagine how that feels, given I've only worn mine for 3 years.

There are so many of you on here that have a strength that I can only hope someday to have...I don't have words to express how much seeing that strength has meant to me and my own survival through this and now, thrival (is that a word?! I don't think so, but it should be. ;))



Here, here. (Glass raised)

Hi Miss Imp (I hope Gypsy doesnt mind),

just checking on you. Anniversary? How weird would that be if he celebrated the anniversary of a marriage he did not honor? Celebrating what? Acknowledging what exactly? I haven't read what is going on, this anniversary thing got to me...
Defending him? Yep, I've been doing that a lot. Had been doing that a lot. After a while the reality hit me. To be able to defend him, I needed him to "give me" something, anything... Not just a glimpse, a moment of his old self. Something that mattered. My stbxH, didn't. Don't compromise. Don't you think if he wanted "to win" you, he would know EXACTLY what to do? How hard would it be to make you have a change of heart? Well..., is he trying?

I maybe completely off, I am only reading the last few posts. Forgive me if I am.
Stay strong
K