You have just hit another bad patch! We all have gone there. Snodderly is so right, you have to get past the anger. Oh, believe me there were times I wanted to do bodily harm to my h and the ow. It doesn't solve anything and only makes things worse. Just like your anger. Remember a couple of weeks back when you were feeling pretty good and your h noticed the difference in you? You will get back there again. Your h is a lost soul right now. Don't waste any energy on your h or the ow. It just isn't worth it. Now get back to doing things for "Treese" and forget abou what others are thinking.
Just thinking about you & I'm so sorry you are having a rough time. So am I since I found out H got married to OW. Last year at this time H & I were still together. This is so hard & I totally understand your melt down. I have them too!
Do you have anything in the house that H has left behind that you can box up, throw out in the yard or burn??? Maybe that would help release some of the anger...........I have thought about boxing up all of my H's leftover things this week, just to help me let go. I did clean out his toiletry cabinet and threw away everything he left behind like razors, shaving cream, shampoo, etc. I took over all the shelves and drawers. It is bittersweet-----but nice to have the space.
Anyone have suggestions about how to do this when your alien WAS is still living at home??
Treese, I don't have any advice for you at the moment, but I'm following along and wishing for the best for you. I have a lot of anger (and difficulty with forgiveness) at the moment myself, so I'm looking for ways to deal with it constructively too. What do YOU want for YOURSELF that doesn't involve your H??
Peace, Dawn
Me 45/H 47, no kids Together since 1985; M/1992 Bomb1 (EA-OW1, age 22) 2001 Bomb2 (EA/PA-OW2, age 22) 10/2007, A continues H left 11/24/08 minimal contact, no legal action http://tinyurl.com/DawnHope1
Treese - I hope you had a good evening. I hope you were able to go out, forget for awhile, do something fun, and maybe get your toes done
Seems I've touched off an attack campaign on my thread (and Wifey's). I thought I was doing better. I've screwed up. I've admitted it, and my mind is in a MUCH better place, but I guess my posts say something different??? Oh well, I feel like I'm in a better place. Hopefully I'm right.
You will get there again, too---and hurry, because you never know when I'll stumble again. Did the fire dept. have to visit your house last night???
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
Thank you all so much for the much needed advice....I guess I really got to a bad point....OMG....really....I was down.....I still am a little....it's the crying I cant seem to get through...H came to pick up son yesterday....hoping to see D21 also but she decided she would take her sister shopping and left before he got there...I think it was on purpose....I'm not getting in the middle of that...I didnt even go downstairs when H came to get him..I didn't want to look at him...then son came up and told me he was leaving and I told him to have a good time.. .H chose the path, made the bed...then he brought son home at 11:30 last night...dropped him off and left...didn't come in to see the girls who were both sitting in the living room....
Anyone who choses to go spend time with OW when he hasn't seen or talked to his daughter since May has issues. That just really blows my mind...
And the anger thing....well...I was doing better but then for some reason it started to get to me again....maybe because he has no problem throwing it in my face....Hopefully I can get past it....I just want to chew his butt out....
Di....no fire department but....when I went out last night my friends buddy was a fire chief...lol...I thought it was funny because we had been talking about fires all night....today I look for something to take my anger and frustration out on...i think there are a few things left of H's...he seems to take things out little by little when I'm gone...
I hope to have a better day...but we shall see.....it is very beautiful out....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
I love it when you give me advice....are you a therapist....cause if you aren't you need to be..
...a friend told me the other day not to try so hard to just be myself....I guess I am trying too hard and I didn't even realize it...I guess I'm still living in the fear....the fear of being alone...doing it on my own....all that comes with it...the fear that I will never find love again...happiness....while H is...I know it's crazy but why am I so scared.....I already am doing it by myself and I'm doing a good job....I'm stressed at times but I'm doing good...learning new things....all of it...but I don't have the most important part of the puzzle and that is killing me....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, Spend as much time outdoors doing things today since it's beautiful there. Take the anger and frustration out on doing manual labor work today.
As for your anger, it's understandable and he knows you like a book. He knows that you are angry for the way he's handled all of this. I haven't seen one yet handle a separation/divorce in an adult manner. They are childish and very immature during this time and we are stuck holding the bag being the parent, the one that handles everything. They look to us to take care of the world while they are out exploring a world that they should have explored a long time ago. Believe me, you wouldn't want this man at home right now in the frame of mind he's in. You think you've got anger now? Well....it would be even worse if he was there 24/7.
A majority of them tend to come back and "sneak" things out of the house and you don't notice that they are missing until you need the item or think about it. I've never quite figured that one out, but I know I went through this until I changed the locks and others have mentioned it as well. You may need to do an "inventory" to see just exactly what is missing that should have stayed in the home.
Treese, I do hope you are feeling better soon. It's difficult when you have children to stay on an even keel when the spouse is floating around earth. BTW, your title of your thread is so true.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Snodderly.....I plan today to take care of some much needed yard work....pulling the weeds will make me feel much better....it will feel like I'm pulling someones (no names) hair....LOL....
and no I don't want him home right now...I see so much that I still don't like and it would definately kill everything if he were home...he's too all about himself to care what we feel or think...
the sneaking things out....how childish....they don't want us to see what they are doing...so much like a kid trying to sneak something out of the house so their parents don't catch them...and I don't notice until I look for things....then it ticks me off...
somehow the title is part of a song...the one TOH has posted and I have picked these past two threads but it is true....my door never closes....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Di....funny but I just found a pair of his underwear yesterday....scissors here I come......LOL
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
