Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Something lost and never seen....

((Corey))) Totally understand and have done it so many times before! H would even tell me, Wow! You know how to give some good punches! And I wasn't even trying! I was just speaking the truth! But hey, the truth hurts. I think one of the hardest things for me to do when H started talking about reconciling again was not saying anything other than 'ok' and move on. I wanted to say so much, but I held my tongue. It helped me tho that I was concentrating on registering for school and that type thing. It got my mind off of the sitch. But if it hadn't been for that, I couldn't have done it.
Why do you wonder what they're doing together? Because it's supposed to be you he's spending time with. I even made the mistake one time of telling him, he was supposed to be making memories with me, not her. They were my memories. Not her's! We were the ones who were married, not them! Yeah, didn't go over well!
Didn't mean to hijack your thread...just letting you know, you're not alone in your thoughts.
In the words of a very wise fish...Just keep swimming, just keep swimming...

Hey guys...thanks to all of you for your words. H called Saturday afternoon and there wasn't a lot to say since he had spent all night at the cardroom and blown all his money there. I didn't comment about it and basically hurried off of the phone. We made pizza for dinner and went running again and I was so tired by 11:00 I was asleep. So at 11:15pm the phone rang and it was H calling to complain about having taken what money he had managed not to spend the night before, back to the cardroom and lose. So my comment (half asleep) was "good for you." Well H flips out and tells me if thats how I'm going to talk to him that he just won't call me anymore. I responded with, "what am I supposed to say? Anything I say is going to be a fight." So then he says,"And you chose that? What are you, retarded?" and all I said back was, "Are YOU retarded?" and he hung up. So I turned over and went to sleep. He called, several times and we talked about a lot of stuff and he was pretty nice all things considered. One of the items we talked about was how he is ALWAYS loaning the Troll money and I just pointed out that she had come to depend on that and by giving it to her everytime he was not letting her be an adult and feel the consequences of her actions. How is she supposed to learn anything if he keeps "bailing her out"? So he says he is tired of loaning her money and that he only has 1 more bail out left in him. Apparently it was used today, so we'll see.
He called me this morining at break time and said that he would like to go and see a counselor so he can start doing "something" to get his life in order. We talked for a very long time and there were some good things said. There were several things said and one was that I was the best thing that has ever happened to him and that up until this happened that he thought he was the best thing that had ever happened to me. I agreed and then I asked if thats true then how did we get here and he said that maybe this was a cry for help. He says that he still hasn't decided "where" he wants to be and thats fine. I was telling him how much this has hurt me, etc... and his knee-jerk reaction was well then why don't you just leave me and I replied that as easy as that would be for him, thats not what I have been fighting for. That I have been working on myself and that we have done nothing to repair our relationship and wouldn't be able to as long as things were up in the air like this. He said that he needs to do some work on himself (duh...yuh think?) and figure out what he wants and where he wants to be.
Its very frustrating to know that even after all the stuff he has said and observations about their R and her that he is still even considering being with her...it just sucks.

One of the other things I said to him was that maybe he needed someone to save. That he liked being able to "fix" her problems so he could be the "hero" and her knight, he laughed, but didn't seem to think that it was so off the mark. He also said that going gambling the other night was like when you quit smoking and have gone 8 or 9 days without a cigarette and then you think you can have just one and then it reminds you why its so bad in the first place...interesting.
No expectations.

(((((((Corey))))))))

(((Corey)))

Wow. Some crazy drama with your H and the Troll.

I hope this really was a wake-up call for him and the gambling.

Don't let him drag you into the drama.

((((GFI and Michelle))) thanks to both of you and I'm not going to get dragged into it. I mean a part of me still holds out some hope for us, but if he could even begin to start fixing himself, then that would probably be enough.

I hope that same thing, but I'm very skeptical still. I believe only what I see and although I've seen some positive changes, there isn't anything for me to hang my hat on.

Now that the time is short, she is due in the middle of November and its the middle of August, things are becoming more "real" and he is realizing that he has frittered away a lot of the time he could have been using to make some changes. If it makes him a better father to my kids then I guess it will have been worth it.

I sincerely hope he is a great father for your kids.

He has a lot of growing up to do still, but there are some hopeful signs. You are right to have no expectations though.

((((((((Corey))))))))

I thought the last bail out was the last bail out? I just have to be a little skepical there, I don't know why!

It is going to be hard for him to stop the gambling, I think he has proven that. And I am not convinced he really wants to. But time will tell on that!

You know, you are sounding good, though! So keep that up, and keep up your positive attitude! I like what you are doing!

[quote=Virtually_Handsome
I thought the last bail out was the last bail out? I just have to be a little skepical there, I don't know why!

It is going to be hard for him to stop the gambling, I think he has proven that. And I am not convinced he really wants to. But time will tell on that!

You know, you are sounding good, though! So keep that up, and keep up your positive attitude! I like what you are doing![/quote]

Hey Handsome! No, the "last bail out" convo was on Sunday and apparently the actual money was loaned today...lol. Whatever!!!

I'm glad that he actually went 18 days without gambling, that was a record for him, but I know that unless he is really ready to be done, then it won't happen. So your skepicism matches my own.

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and its easier when I expect nothing and then just live my life. I get sucked in, but not nearly as often or as deep as before, I just can't.

I did think it was a positive step for him to be the one actually seeking IC, without any prompt or anything from me. At least this shows he wants it, not having it forced upon him. About the other stuff, thats just what it is, other stuff.

We shall see....

(((Corey)))

Remember!

Give nothing, expect nothing.

Suga,

Your H says some stupid sh*t. He IS retarded.

That exchange made me laugh.

He has acknowledged before that he needs help, but just doesn't do anything about it. It sounds like it turned out to be a good conversation, though. Like you said to me, hating it...yeah, we all do.

I wish it only took one good whack with a stick.

Know what I mean?