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I am flipping out. Kids just told me that GF slept over last night and has done it several times. THat means H ang GF sleep in a queen bed while my kids are on the floor in the same room. Great role model? I think not. My father in law assured me last month that he did not allow her to stay. I have been trying to call him and confront him on it. I think he doesn't know it as she leaves before he gets up. When I dated him I was not allowed to stay over, amazing how roles have changed. When he came over this morning that means he had just left her. Ewwwwww

Ok, breathe in 4 counts, out 8 counts repeat 3 times.

You can't control this. Even if you get custody, which you probably will, he will have visitation and the same things may still happen. Judges don't usually order them not to do this, and even if they did, it can't be enforced.

He isn't making a good decision and you can talk to him about it....and I think you'd be best off coming from the perspective of the kids feelings.

Focus on what you can control.

I'm sorry he's acting stupid.

I just flipped out on him. He called as he stopped home and his dad apparently told him I was calling him. Now his father doesn't want to talk to me. That hurts. So I left him a voicemail and texted him, those he can't not pick up. Anyway, I tried for the longest time not to go into it but he pushed me and I got nasty. I told him again that he had no morales and that I did not want her sleeping in the room with the kids. He says they won't sleep anywhere else but with him. I said then don't have her there, your father said she was not allowed to stay and as I thought he did not know it. I did find out that he pays his dad rent though. When he first got nasty I hung up and he called back. Then I thought he hung up but he called back and said the phone went dead, and said he was going to do it calmly. Said he would do his best to have them sleep elsewhere. I just CAN'T stand the thought of him sleeping with this other person. I told him to do her in his car or at his enabling sisters house and not around the kids. I even went as low as to see I see you have refilled your viagra, so to speak, and that I used to own "that" body part. He said no one owns anyone and I was a control freak and I said you owned me as well. I know much of it was wrong, I just can't stand it! I really need help, but no help can get the image of my husband sleeping with another woman and losing my kids 50% of the time. I know others have similar situations, but that doesn't make me feel better.

It's up to YOU to calm yourself down and make yourself feel better. Right now you are making it worse. Stop it. Just do it.

Go do something else and make yourself happy. It's better for kids, too if you go take care of yourself.

I went to my father in laws house and confronted him. Well, not really. I just started crying and said I needed a hug and that I loved him and want to be part of the family. Told him I don't understand how I did nothing wrong and I am the one being shunned. Of course I ranted about the GF also. He said I had to get on with my life and other cliche's. I said he took my life away. Well, I went and finally after 10 months saw where they live-I hadn't stepped foot in the house since he left. I took a shirt of his for a souveneir. Couldn't resist smelling it. Put it in my trunk for safe keeping. So my friend from support group called to check in on me. I am going black again, I want no contact. I will text if needed and spoke only when spoken to.

You have to stop this.

Going black only works if you don't lose it when you're in contact.

How are you going to comfort yourself?

2 friends from my support group came right over, the one cooked dinner for the kids, I was in no state. I feel better now, they calmed me down. I am just trying not to have any thoughts or contact - it is contact w/him that sets me off at all times. I texted him I was sorry, don't hate me, and put the form for me to sign in the mailbox. So tomorrow is another day for me to further screw up my life......But I AM truly trying, he pushes my buttons. I am going to try to hang up, I tried twice today not to talk to him but then the kids answer and hand me the phone. I said no but they keep pushing until I take the phone. It is soooo hard. I truly am trying to be good, but it is so hard when you see the person you love not loving you...

I know honey.

But you want your interactions to take you closer to him, not further away.

You might have to tell your kids how it's gonna be. I know that isn't easy. And it's not fair. You shouldn't have to be the one living in a glass bowl with the kids.

I'm happy you have those friends around you. My friends saved my life.

I didn't have the same situation, but I had t he same falling apart. The same needing some care. My kids are about the same age span, but both girls.....around the same ages as yours during a lot of my drama.

Honey...it WILL be ok. It will be MORE OK and FASTER the sooner you get it together.

My kids saw me fall apart. It isn't really good for them. Especially a lot. It rocks their world a little. They already can't count on dad.

You're a good person. I know you're wanting to fight for what is right. Do it. Just do it differently....give yourself a chance to get different results.


I know you can.

THank you so much for your support. Yesterday was a very hard day. Both of us said angry words at each other. He again repeated that even without GF he would not return. Said I was a control freak. Very very nasty things neither can take back-but he wouldn't anyway. Only I would. He says he is prepared for a legal fight. Keeps holding cards over my head that if I don't do it his way and quickly get it over with he will make me pay him what I owe him right away instead of letting me pay the share of the house when the kids are older. He says he is prepared to pay lots of legal fees with nothing to lose, he says I will lose the house if that happens and therefore he will get the kids and they will all live with his father. So sad...

Trying to be occupied today, but the thoughts keep creaping in. He is supposed to bring another form for me to sign, I don't even want contact with him, I don't know how he will be. Sure he already hates me.

I should just go on online dating and resign myself to finding a new someone. Problem is my heart isn't in it, I really want him. I told him I didn't want him back I wanted my husband back. He called me many names, I never called him any. Just complained about him and the GF being together. And sleeping with her in bed with my kids on the floor. He sees nothing wrong there. He is the only one.

Thanks

P.S. what do you mean about telling the kids? They seem fine with everything and H mentioned yesterday that S12 is old enough to make a decision where he wants to live and has hinted before that he will pick his father.