Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Partner left after 9 yrs - looks the end is nigh

Me again!
oh the poor soldier and yet so brave dispite being permently shattered he is and so good to his friends.

I think rat is right. You,d think he'd want a weekend at home doing nothing if he's so tired. Not the easiest of drives from Cornwall to Wales is it.
Anyway you got some of it off your chest.
Try and get some sleep. Night night.

Yes, I have got sucked into his drama and never put a boundary up to him and allowed him to behave as he pleases, and I am always accepting. I dont care if its me that burns the bridge, maybe there is a part of him thats not "done", maybe not, but maybe I am ! Like I said, he almost over explains, and yet, he's not here is he? 9 months later and he's still half an hour up the road. Its also nearly a year since he told me he wasnt sure we had a future, even before he left. I think I am nearing the end of my tether, my limit.

Maybe I will just go buy that dog I always wanted !! Dogs dont let you down :-)

Naej - thats funny! You are right. Yep, his life is a social whirl. I feel exhausted even hearing about all the things he was telling me earlier, neverlone drinking through all that socialising. No wonder he is so tired !!!

About your H...maybe it has ended with teh woman he ran off with? If he found her around the time of that Feb 1999 eclipse. Can you do some snooping and find out? I would ! Night to you and thankyou for being there for me this evening. And Where and Lisa!! You really really helped. I finally found my fire...

Too true

My doggy calendar for his month says "now if I could only be half the person my dog thinks I am"

The downside is whilst I am still up, so will want a "lie in" in the morning he will be wanting his breakfast and wee at the usual time!

Ahhh... I LOVE dogs. I used to walk them at the animal shelter back home in my lunchhour, but the only one in Cornwall is miles away. Otherwise I would volunteer.

What type of dog do you have? I know you should get animal shelter dogs if you can, but this is my dream dog, gorgeous...hungarian vizsla

You mentioned a while back about the "detachment" thing.

I just posted this to someone else, it may help...

To let Go...Doesn't mean to stop caring,
it means I can't do it for someone else.
It's not to cut myself off,
It's the realization that I can't control another.

To Let Go....Is not to enable,
but to allow learning from natural consequences.
Is to admit powerlessness,
which means the outcome is not in my hands.

To Let Go....Is not to try to change or blame another,
I can only change myself.
Is not to care for,
but to care about.

To let Go....Is not to fix,
but to be supportive.
Is not to judge,
but to allow another to be a human being.

To let Go....Is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcome,
but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
Is not to be protective,
it is to permit another to face reality.

To Let Go....Is not to deny, but to accept.
Is not to nag, scold, or argue,
but to search out my own
shortcomings and to correct them.

To Let Go....Is not to adjust everything to my desires,
but to take each day as it comes,
and to cherish the moment.
Is not to criticize or regulate anyone,
but to try to become whatever dream I can be.

To Let Go....Is not to regret the past,
but to grow and live for the future.
Is to fear less and to love more.

I have a beautiful yellow Labrador, he's a big old fella now with a plate in his leg and not able to walk, but we plod abit.
Vizsla are lovely dogs but can have neurotic tendancies.
Hey might be just the dog for you---only jokin.

I am away to my bed.

Ha - funny Naej, yeah but I can be neurotic, I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be, thankfully.

BND - thanks very much for that. I recognise alot of that, I haven't tried to fix anything for him in the past 6 months, I have changed myself and been to weekly C. I know I am powerless, I cant control and I definetly havent judged (until last night !). But some I'm not doing (like living day to day) and I have been living in the past and taking his actions as to do with me, which they arent.

So today is 9 months since he moved out, feels like we have reached full term. I woke up and realised that he has moved on. He said he had at the bomb, but clearly, he couldnt walk away after all those years without still spending time with me. We always were such good friends and didnt have an acrimonious split, so I suppose its fair enough. I am confused as to why he would put me through it though, maybe he had no idea I was still in love with him...or thought he was helping by being there for me this summer, I dont know.

Ok.. so some good news first.. I spoke to the head of the department and they are scoping the resources and he thinks they will need me to join the development team, but wont know for about 2 weeks. Yay!

Secondly...he didnt go camping. Yay! He didnt email me till 4.26 (as he left at 4.30 today), explaining I guess why he hadnt emailed me until late by saying how busy he had been all day and also asking if I had any job news again (he's obsessed). Its pretty restrained and brief and I dont know what he is planning, but I assume I will see him tommorow when he said will give you a bell tomorrow.

So...I WILL see him this weekend, on that flippin Lunar eclipse!!

I am still intending to tell him how I feel (?) or ask him why he spent so much time with me the last six months (?)...but, I dont really know what to say! I dont know what to say, how, in what order and how much or little. But the time has come to say something, I have to tell him how I feel, or point out to him that we had spent alot of time together over the past few months and how much that has meant to me and was it just friendship or is he spending time with me for a reason?..or something.

So, help! Any ideas anyone? This is it I guess, cards on the table time, so maybe it doesnt matter what I say, but I would appreciate your views. Feeling nervous and not sure whether or not to dye my hair again dark reddy brown (havent for a while now but my Mum reckoned I should as it suited me !)

(((Ali)))

Excellent new on the job front!

The thing I would say is don't act like it is a done deal. You don't know what is going to happen but if you act like the worst is then it may just happen. Personally,I would wait and see how the time pans out before bringing up your issues, it may be that he addresses it first withut you having to initiate or something else may happen, see what natural events occur without you pushing. If you really want to lay your cards on the table do so but just not right away. They are just my thoughts.

Also, that hair colour sounds really nice, go for it.

Good luck
xx

Ok! Thanks Julia. Its so wierd...its hitting our charts in the same exact spot as the one when we had our firzt kiss...but then matters arent meant to come to a head until January 26th 2009...and that eclipse hits my Venus exact! So I guess I feel a misture of trepidation and excitement and nerves and a real "this is it" feeling.

He hasnt really contacted me much over the past fortnight, all that close contact we were enjoying has disappeared...and I dont yet know if he is going to pop in or if he is going to give me the evening. I am a little worried he has met someone over hte past two weeks...as he was a bit sketchy about his weekend. I'm sure at first he said to me he told his mate G on Saturday night, at 6pm, "I'm off"..but when I asked him what he did next he sort of changed it and said G went with him out for the evening..but I guess I am still wondering if theres someone new on the scene. Maybe I will ask him.

Heres a good link about hte eclipse http://www.cafeastrology.com/lunationseclipses.html#lunarfeb08

Still dont know what to say tommorow, play it by ear?? Where is everyone tonight when you need them?!!