Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? New Thread, new life, new happiness

Had some interesting issues to deal with today. I have been dealing with some urges to call W and ask questions, make comments etc. Really month one stuff. Nothing I acted on of course but it felt horrible. Then I was wondering just why I really want this woman. I know why...but it still doesn't help. So I go read and look at records that I've kept and really look at her patterns of infidelity. While my immediate level of stress went up after I turned it off I felt much better. It's very surreal.

The only urge I have left is born out of curiosity about how her new job went today. I pretty much decided to not ask.

Her birthday is in a month. I have to decide on that as well.

HTTE.

You seem to be doing really well.

I'm six months down the line and i' in a worse state than you.

That urge to speak to W about R is absolutely huge. I feel myself resisting all the time. I'm lucky / unlucky enough to see my w frequently.

The emotional thing is bloody awful. I'm pretty much all over the place all the time. started waking up in the middle of the night with this feeling of not being able to cope on my own. The the day is fine and the night starts again.

Not so much a roller coaster as a flat line.

I know what you mean about morning the family side of things. I see my S8 and feel awfull that i let things get to this state.

Surreal is a good word - spent the last few months thinking surreal

Hang in there

EH. Thanks for the encouragement.

It's nice to know that I'm not alone in this.
I wouldn't say that I'm doing well but I'm trying. I have huge swings on how I think about things. One moment I still desperately want to work things out and the next I feel like it's too much and I have to get out. The pain is largely gone though, now it's just sporadic frustration and sadness left.

Truth is I don't have a clue what I'm doing. But at least I'm trying.

You hang in there too.

I managed to do about two months of cycling - evrey 2 minutes i;d change my view - shes coming back - shes not coming back - i don't want her back.

Drove me nuts but just couldn;t stop it.

None of us have a clue what we're doing. I suppose we have no choice but try. I kind of think what else would i be doing now ? I just need to look back and feel i did my best. I know i should do more but my emotions are screwing me a bit.I

I'm trying but my W just sees straight through me.

Do you reckon we want them more because we can't have them ?

I sure don't like the "can't have" part. I'm sure it's because I'm still emotionally vested in my W. My love for her has always been unconditional. Breaking that is very hard.

Knowing that I really worked to save everything is important. Not just for me but I think my kids will see it when they are older and "know".

The cycles are hard to deal with, especially with the other stresses in my life where I normally would have had her support.

My W is/was sceptical about the changes I've made for myself. But I think that I've been consistant with most and she has accepted them. I do think that the novelty has worn off some so we'll see where things lead. Last night my W did ask me about some changes and if I was still doing them. I am and she was pleased/surprised?

I don't have any expectations for my changes but I like them for myself. I would though like to find more. Again we'll see.

Last night I let myself call W. It was to discuss a financial matter. We started to discuss it while she was still at my house and she was starting to get agitated. I said goodbye and let an hour go bye then texted her a question about it. She responded favorably so I called her and we discussed it. It was stressful and a bit rough some times but we didn't discuss the R at all.

This morning W calles me excitedly to let me know she got a job. This pretty much aleviates most of the stress from last nights conversation. And she was super excited. I am happy for her and I showed it.

We also discussed some custody arrangements but made no plans. She is interested in having the kids overnight and eventually transitioning to a 50/50 arrangement.

I am laughing at myself today. I keep catching myself trying to think of ways to engage my W. Y'know something that will work.

I go over the plan in my head and how I predict it will go and then I stop and think, "Nope, that won't work." I'm not doing it on purpose...they are just fantasies. But it is somewhat frustrating.

When if ever do we start a few friendly interactions after LRT?

Yeah i do the - interaction with w fantasy - and yeah know nothing will work.

That lack of emotional support is a huge blow to me as well. We had bought a business with a start date 2 weeks after the bomb. So i'd resigned from my job etc etc and starting a new business. She could not have chosen a worse time

My w recently told me she could "feel" that i had changed - doesen't seem to dent her in any way. She recently said it was cruel joke that i had changed but it was too late.

Just no getting through to her.

Yoe just have to keep with what you re doing.

Read my thread - had a funny w experience this morning

Yeah i do the - interaction with w fantasy - and yeah know nothing will work.

That lack of emotional support is a huge blow to me as well. We had bought a business with a start date 2 weeks after the bomb. So i'd resigned from my job etc etc and starting a new business. She could not have chosen a worse time

My w recently told me she could "feel" that i had changed - doesen't seem to dent her in any way. She recently said it was cruel joke that i had changed but it was too late.

Just no getting through to her.

Yoe just have to keep with what you re doing.

Read my thread - had a funny w experience this morning

You are killing me. My W said the same thing multiple times. It's how I know she noticed my changes.

Really now I think my biggest obstical is her own guilt. That and the fact that once you decide that you can walk all over someone it's really hard to regain respect for them.

I'm still giving it a shot though...I love her even if though I don't want her back the way she is now. On some level I've always felt that time was on my side and still do. I really hate watching things get worse though. One day at a time...