Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Suppose this is my new home

we've been separated for 2 months; I suppose I'm past the "oh no! there's another man!" phase and I'll move out of the affair/jealousy board. morning everyone

I am thinking I am the end of my rope. Wife filed papers for primary custody of our son because of my work schedule. Of course I just found out in 6 months or more we'll be working 4 twelve hour days with 3 off instead of working 13 days straight with 1 or 2 off. Good timing huh. Anyway whether I believe what she says or half of what she does or not, she is serious about the D. Should I call a DB coach ? Not worth it ? Too late ?

It's never too late...I have not called a DB coach, but from what I have heard, they are great.

What do you do for a living?

I have spoken to a DB coach and have found it really helpful. AS Lola said I don't believe it is ever too late.

Run a printing press. Started at my company 9 years ago as a book boxer. Got promoted all the way up to right below management.

Lola I believe my wife was head over heels for me, but there's another man. An ex boyfriend no less. She sees this as her 'second chance' with him. It's 'a sign' I'm sure she's thinking

I tried being nice, detaching, dressing nice, smelling good, not contacting her, nothing works.

Lola picture yourself (sorry) having an affair. You tell your husband you love the other man. Do you really ? Is it really over even though you filed ?

I think initially they do "love" the other person. I am not sure it is the real thing though.

Think back to the beginning of your R, when love was new, and there was excitement, butterflies in the stomach. That is more physical attraction, but I think a lot of people equate that with love. As time goes on, that fades and real life takes over. We get comfortable, complacent, and then all of a sudden someone new (or old) comes along, and we feel that spark of attraction. If we have not learned that is not love, but lust, then an affair can ensue.

But...after a while the newness wears off, and all of a sudden you find yourself stuck in the same place as you were before. Comfortable, complacent, or possibly worse. And your W will start to wonder WTF did I do? Nothing has changed, and I love my H for this guy? What was I thinking?

It takes time, though. It is not an overnight fix. I have been doing this for almost a year now. Sometimes its quick, sometimes its not. Mostly, though, the work you do will be about finding yourself, and being the best you can be so that when your W does "see the light" she will find you irresistable. But be prepared for the long haul, because that may be what it takes.

(((Bad)))

Hey BC,

I know that you asked lola the question, but maybe i can help too.

I had an EA. I totally thought, in the moment that i was in love with him. I told him i loved him. When my H found out and i stopped talking to him, i quickly realized that i was in love with the idea of him. He was meeting my needs in a way my H had never done. I wanted out really bad, but i stayed.

Also, when you want out, every little thing is a "sign", so yes, she probably does see this as her second chance with him... they broke up before, that could easily happen again.

Don't put your happiness in that though. Do things that will make BC happy. Make changes to make BC a better man and she'll notice...

take care

ann

Thanks lola and ann. I need womens insight a lot right now