Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis A Rough Year Continues.... 4

Well a short guy once told me that we are pretty much the same height, laying down!

I know what you say about forgiveness is the truth. I have to say that I am kind of amazed at myself, that I have done as well with this as I have.

Honesty and trust has been a huge issue for me. After my 1st M I didn't think I would ever trust anyone again. My (current) H made me believe I could trust him. So his EA has really rocked my world.

I want to give myself that gift, and most of the time I understand that he hasn't really been himself. Because of my illness I can forgive that he had to reach out to someone else.

When he points a finger at me thought, it brings back the old hurt, because it reminds me that he is feeling insecure because of his own actions.

That is why you have to be the rock in the R now....he was for you during your C....it is your turn now....you are a good person for doing so, especially considering the pain you suffered in your first M

Ok. I'll be the rock.
But I feel like he's the scissors now....sticking in my heart.


Guess I'd better work on those "mental abs."

Rock beats scissors....you win

I don't want to say this too loudly... (knock wood) but I think I may be winning

H was at home last night when I finished at the practice range. He did not go to the bar! We had a nice evening together. I made a salad and we watched the baseball game.

When it came time for bed he began to get a little agitated. He brought up something that he thought I had done during the day that was "controlling" and that he was afraid that I would "go back to my old ways."

I thought of what you had said earlier in the day about him noticing that I had new behavior and I kept my PMA and simply said "if you would rather that I not do that, I won't."

This morning when he got up he asked if I wanted to join him in the hot tub for a mimosa! He was kidding about the mimosa since it's a work day, but I did join him and we talked about having them soon on a weekend.

Things do feel better!

Before work this morning he said that he had golf league tonight and asked what I would be doing. I said that I would be at home getting ready for the weekend, doing laundry etc. because I have appointments for Wednesday and Thursday nights. He said, well that's good that you won't be out "galivanting" around tonight. Guess he does care!

Hope,

Great update!!!!

The best part of theupdate is he felt comfortable to tell you something that was bothering him without letting the alien out and you were receptive without being defensive.

I am so glad things feel better! Enjoy it and continue to work at it!

He is making a good effort as well

Things do sound better!

Just enjoy these little moments together and keep up the good pma.

Its good too that h can talk to you about stuff. Just a little step maybe but its in the right direction.

I will keep reading along in the background.

Have a good day today.

Thanks Kenny! You sound pretty good. I just posted to you probably about the same time you were posting to me.

Continue to keep taking good care of yourself buddy. And keep working on your cooking.

I wouldn't mind trading favorite recipes soon.

H has golf league tonight and I have to go pick up copies of films to take with me for an MRI tomorrow night. Routine checkup. Part of my post BC life now.

H was working about two buildings away today and excavating out the ashpalt. I was able to go over and have a very brief lunch with him.... I think he sat down for about all of 10 minutes before he went back to work.

Oh well. He did introduce me to all of the guys as his wife and he gave me a small kiss as he went back to work. I need to focus on the small positive steps and not the negative. It was his invitation too.

I'm sure he felt guilty because the owner of the company went to the excavator and started moving dirt so that H could sit and eat with me. H also has to leave early for golf today, so I'm sure that added to his guilt.

Tonight I will thank him for taking the time that he could to sit down with me and for introducing me to his coworkers.

But I can be honest with you guys and admit that I felt a tiny bit hurt that he didn't stay more than 10 minutes. I feel old resentment about his lunch this spring with the EA down here at her campus. I feel a touch of sadness that as his wife I haven't been able to enjoy the attention from him that I really crave.

Ok, that's it. I won't bring up any of that to him. I know that it is self defeating and considering the headway that we have made and the nice weekend we are looking forward to I would rather bite my tongue out than mention it to him.

But I can confess it here

H was home from golf last night at 9:30. He was very friendly and upbeat and full of excitement for our coming golf weekend together.

He mentioned that he had felt jammed at lunch, and had to keep working since he had to leave the job early. I'm so glad that I whined to you all and didn't share my hurt feelings with him.

I believe that the detachment and acting as if are two of the most powerful tools you can have to work with. I know that if I had kept crying, whining, threatening and trying to logic him back into our M he would probably be gone by now.

The self power that you begin to feel when you stop that self destructive behavior only gets better with practice.