Blaming SAHMs for not having career success while being thrust into it at midlife is the same as blaming the victim of a crime. I for one have done the best I possibly could have done with my life and circumstances. I fully expected to be making a decent salary at this point, but it is not happening.
As I am re-connecting with my Indian heritage, my Indian values are resonating in my posts. As I posted to FLTC, the values associated with my heritage have no place on this BB. Part of why I am leaving the BB. I have decided that socializing with people of my own heritage is a better fit for me.
That whole integrated AG was much nicer wasn't it? Well - after I am gone - you will have a nice BB with very nice uniform Western values again.
Since I am getting a little tired of blending in - how about I thrust the entire history of my Indian family right at you.
My mother had 9 brothers and sisters. All of them were required to earn at least a masters before they got M in a field that enabled them to earn a living. Most of them have Ph.D's. I think two of them are Fulbright scholars. This is a group generation that ranges in age from 65-85. Most of them came here and went to Ivy Leagues schools here. Education is everything. We save money for education first - everything else is a lesser priority. And they achieved this in British India - colonial rule does make things a little more difficult.
I know the West looks down on and mocks our system of arranged M's. However - it works for many in my culture. All of the men M women with the education and ability to earn a living that can sustain a family before they got M. My uncle wanted to M someone that would be a stay at home wife - not some woman that would go to school and challenge him too much. My grandmother told him - he would have to find his own W if those were his standards. My mother slacked off while working on her Masters - my grandfather pulled her aside and told her that if she thought he would arrange her M so she could get out of finishing her degree - it was not going to happen.
My generation - 18 cousins on my mother's side - all of us have a minimum of a masters. Many of us are at least engineers - that includes 3 women. All the men in our family M women that are professionals and have the ability to earn a living on par with their H's.
My father grew up in Bangladesh and his family lost everything during the British partion of India. He had 8 siblings. That interfered with the education thing b/c they left everything behind as they ran for their lives. My father - could probably write a book about the lengths he went to come to this country to get an education. He has a Ph.d in civil engineering.
My father paid for every single one of my cousins on my father's side of the family to go to college in India. I have 18 paternal first cousins - yes very symmetrical. They all have a minimum of a masters - both men and women b/c once again we are required to go to school for an eduction to learn something that we can use to earn a living. All of them are M to P's with comparable income capacity.
When I was growing up - I was not allowed to date. We were never out of the house past 6 pm - yes that is right 6 pm until I left for college. I was not required to do chores. The only thing my family demanded of me was excelling in school. I started staying up nights to study for finals when I was 13. I partied and had fun - did the whole Western drinking and sex thing - but I never ever lost sight of my primary goal.
As for me - I fully intend to carry on my family's tradition. My priority post D was not finding an R. It was financially stabilizing myself. Once again - that would be an Indian thing...
And while in our social gatherings - we do not go on endlessly about boobs and nuts. If you ever decide to go to India - you will see huge billboards everywhere promoting safe sex through condom use.
I will reserve these conversations for folks of my own heritage.
Thank you for your post. It validated my decision to limit my non-Indian social circle to overachievers only.
Regards, AG
To those who complained.
This is not a hate post, it is an explanation post. From someone who has felt a lot of hate herself. I will not be deleting it.
But I see the offense:
But ....there is a negative feeling in it...something that is 'confrontational' , and AG...you COULD communicate this without offending....
As I posted to FLTC, the values associated with my heritage have no place on this BB. Part of why I am leaving the BB. I have decided that socializing with people of my own heritage is a better fit for me.
That whole integrated AG was much nicer wasn't it? Well - after I am gone - you will have a nice BB with very nice uniform Western values again.
This is confrontational.
did the whole Western drinking and sex thing
This feels like an insult.
My priority post D was not finding an R. It was financially stabilizing myself. Once again - that would be an Indian thing...
This feels like you're setting it aside, and others might not understand if they are not Indian....which in fact isn't true....and is REALLY COMMON among SAHMs who get divorced. It should UNITE you.
And while in our social gatherings - we do not go on endlessly about boobs and nuts. If you ever decide to go to India - you will see huge billboards everywhere promoting safe sex through condom use.
That implies we do go on endlessly about boobs and nuts. Which isn't really in my world at all. This is offensive.
It validated my decision to limit my non-Indian social circle to overachievers only.
It makes folks wonder why you stay.
Last edited by sgctxok; 08/28/0812:37 AM.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
