Remember the purpose of the e-mail.. Did you really think it would stop him?? Maybe..Maybe not.. but, now you have also started a trail showing that he is acting without your blessing in ways that are not in the best interest of your children. Personally.. I don't think he even deserved a response.
And, yes, he is a jerk.. I've heard very close to the same excuses/jusifications.. Scary actually - they must've gotten those lines out of the "What to say to your spouse when you are having an affair" book.
Remember the purpose of the e-mail.. Did you really think it would stop him?? Maybe..Maybe not.. but, now you have also started a trail showing that he is acting without your blessing in ways that are not in the best interest of your children.
BINGO.
btw, Karen, your response was fine. At some point, if he persists in this line of "reason" (and trust me, I use the term VERY loosely), I would love for you to say:
"So let me make sure I understand your position. You're saying that it's OK for you to bring your girlfriend around our children, so long as you LIE to them, and don't let them know she's your girlfriend? And if I tell them the TRUTH, I'm in the wrong here? Very interesting."
btw, Karen, your response was fine. At some point, if he persists in this line of "reason" (and trust me, I use the term VERY loosely), I would love for you to say:
"So let me make sure I understand your position. You're saying that it's OK for you to bring your girlfriend around our children, so long as you LIE to them, and don't let them know she's your girlfriend? And if I tell them the TRUTH, I'm in the wrong here? Very interesting."
He's SO morally lost.
Thanks you guys so much!!! LO, thanks for letting me get it on record that I don't want him to do that. I'm going to followup when the kids' therapist and the L when they come back too.
Puppy, Wow!!! I love that--I'm kind of relieved that he let the discussion go with my last email it looks like, but if he continues to bring it up I will def. use that!!! Now I'm not dreading that talk at all--which I was!!! In fact, if he brings it up I would love to say that!!!
I mean he is so hypocritical--really worried and emailed me several times about our wedding picture in the house would damage our kids' psyche and I discussed that with the C (she thought it was fine), but then bringing the girlfriend around the kids and lying to them is ok. Such a good point!!!
He picked up the kids after their swimming today. He was already here when I got here, and we barely acknowledged each other. I came in and helped the kids get ready to go with H and then worked out for a little until they left. Made sure they had everything, and even said have fun when they left! That was probably too nice, I will try to do better next time. I read in this book I read last week one of the techniques with dealing with your ex- is the "Spock" technique which is basically acting like Spock (cool, unemotional, logical) when H is throwing a fit and I really love that idea! Karen
I'm sure the C and the L would all agree that lying to the kids, when they know better, to soothe your own conscience is definately in their best interest. Its amazing what these people have to think in order to do the stupid $hit they do.
Sorry it has to be this way. BTW...I LOVE puppy's reply. Can't wait until you get to use it on him. He won't know what to say then.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Most of the times I see people trying to use "truth darts," they use them in RESPONSE to something that their wayward spouse has done or said (usually said).
And that's fine.
But even more powerful is when you deliver them out of the blue, proactively. At some point, Karen, I'd love to see you summon up the nerve to just walk up to your husband when he's sitting there alone, with no kids in earshot, and calmly say the above to him.
At some point, Karen, I'd love to see you summon up the nerve to just walk up to your husband when he's sitting there alone, with no kids in earshot, and calmly say the above to him.
And then just walk away.
Puppy
Will do Puppy if he doesn't bring it up himself tonight or Tuesday. I have realized that the 180 I most need to work on is being assertive/standing up to H every time, as I tend to be sporadic on that sometimes; I hate it but need to do it I think. Next R: hopefully will not be with a bully type!!!
Having a wonderful morning today!!! The kids are with H hopefully having a great time and he is going to take them to church tonight (haha) at 6:30 (well at least the kids listen/learn!) and have them back around 8 probably, so a free day! I plan on some yardwork/housework then work out, then just goofing around and Movie Night tonight. So I am really doing great on the PMA today!
I talked to my big bro last night for like 2 hours. I updated him on all the legal stuff/crazy stuff H does. My bro thinks H is mentally ill (b/c of the pogo stick and bamboo creations etc.) but I think family members are always biased like that. He also told me that H had told him I was "going crazy" when my brother called him to tell him about the brain tumor back in December. That was about a week after H dropped the bomb about the D and OW. Don't know why that makes me a little upset but it does. Karen
Great that your having a wonderful, karen. You deserve it after yesterday. I'm glad yesterday is over and done with too. I was getting down a bit there. Kat, too. I hope she is feeling better today.
If I don't end up going to that concert, I may end up here with you guys having movie night. I'll know later.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
OK, H took the kids out with OW and one of her Ds, her D14 to the movies today (Wow 2 really crappy parents they're perfect for each other)! Then he came over and left a note complaining I had bought S14 new shoes (they were too small for him) and asking me to think about how we will pay for the fridge payments he is buying at my L's request (ours has been leaking for a year). I was thinking I would email him something like: Yes, I replaced the 2 or 3 month old running shoes b/c S14 said they were tight and uncomfortable for him. I had to buy him larger shoes, so I guess we have a difference of opinion on that. I don't think it is my place to give you financial advice re: the refrig payments. Maybe an accountant or financial advisor could help you? Good luck! Is that good or changes or what do you think? Well, I had a lot of fun today until H came over anyway! Karen
LO, thanks for letting me get it on record that I don't want him to do that. I'm going to followup when the kids' therapist and the L when they come back too. 