Well, we did say "asking," and we did say "thanks."
Yes we did!!! Still a major change from the tone and spirit of my usual emails though!!! I'm nervously awaiting some kind of reply from the horrible H.... Karen
I certainly know what you're saying about confrontation (we're probably worst than most because of our backgrounds!)but does anybody really like it?
I thought the response that the girls helped you with was perfect. Now that I feel I have all of this "experience" under my belt, I can tell you that you have to be strong and take back your power when it comes to the things you feel strongly about..
You are in the right here. Of course your kids shouldn't be exposed to his dating life and I'm sure everyone including your L and therapist would agree with that. The trouble is there is nothing that legally protects them from that, so you have to advocate for them. Besides, chances are he's so selfish and stupid that he probably doesn't even know if it is legal or not. Don't let him push you around on this. I know when I finally said enough and wouldn't fold, my husband didn't know what to do because I finally had changed the dance!
What i do with the kids is my business. i have never made a big issue about having a girl friend with them that has always been something you have done. But for your screaming diatribes they would not even know about it. I will have any friend i want around while i do things with the kids. i have not nor would i do anything inappropriate around the kids.
The screaming he is talking about is true, I yelled about the girlfriend, and think I called her slut and tramp a few times the first week or 2 before I started Dbing really seriously. But he is crazy as you know he would mention her all the time! Here is a rough draft of my reply--what changes do you think I should make??? Well that is not true. You would tell D8 you had dinner with your girlfriend she told me and other things like that, texting your girlfriend in front of the kids, etc. I also believe it is inappropriate to have your girlfriend around the children while we are married, but will also consult with my therapist and lawyer when they get back in town. S14 realized it was your girlfriend he told me and so I think by you telling them she's just a friend he realizes you aren't being truthful which I don't think is healthy either. Please consult with your therapist. Obviously I don't care about any friends that you have around the children if they are being appropriate, but a girlfriend when someone is married is not the same. Of course I really wish I could reply back something like: You make me sick, you big slutty sleazebag!!!!
See how he ever so smoothly turned everything on you. YOU carried on like a crazy. YOU made the kids aware, and look he's got you defending your reasons for doing so. You know Sweetie, we've all gone somewhat off of the deep end when faced with a 3rd person in our marriage. Isn't that how finding out that we've been lied to, cheated & decieved by the person we've trusted the most would make us react? Anyway, he obviously didn't like being told what to do.
I hate to say this but at 14 your son has already formed his own opinion and conclusion as to what his Dad has done. You couldn't have kept that from him if you tried. It's only now that my kids have told me what they had already concluded about dear old Dad. I feel sad for them, because they kept so much inside in an effort to not feel different in the eyes of their friends but most of all they don't want to hurt us anymore then we already are. You're ex is making a bigger mess than need be. I hate to say this Karen but it's probably going to get worse before it gets better. Keep your lawyer AND your therapist in the loop. Surround yourself with a strong support group.
You are so much nicer than I am. I would be more direct in my responce. Probably something like F-u ya' tool!
See how he ever so smoothly turned everything on you. YOU carried on like a crazy. YOU made the kids aware, and look he's got you defending your reasons for doing so. You know Sweetie, we've all gone somewhat off of the deep end when faced with a 3rd person in our marriage. Isn't that how finding out that we've been lied to, cheated & decieved by the person we've trusted the most would make us react? Anyway, he obviously didn't like being told what to do.
Yep, slick--I guess that's the lawyer training in him. But really he has always done that; he views himself as perfect and everything that goes wrong in my or the kids' life is my fault. Most of the yelling I did was when he would text to OW in front of me and the kids--so upset me as most of you know! He literally makes me sick at this point! Karen
What i do with the kids is my business. i have never made a big issue about having a girl friend with them that has always been something you have done. But for your screaming diatribes they would not even know about it. I will have any friend i want around while i do things with the kids. i have not nor would i do anything inappropriate around the kids.
The screaming he is talking about is true, I yelled about the girlfriend, and think I called her slut and tramp a few times the first week or 2 before I started Dbing really seriously. But he is crazy as you know he would mention her all the time! Here is a rough draft of my reply--what changes do you think I should make??? Well that is not true. You would tell D8 you had dinner with your girlfriend she told me and other things like that, texting your girlfriend in front of the kids, etc. I also believe it is inappropriate to have your girlfriend around the children while we are married, but will also consult with my therapist and lawyer when they get back in town. S14 realized it was your girlfriend he told me and so I think by you telling them she's just a friend he realizes you aren't being truthful which I don't think is healthy either. Please consult with your therapist. Obviously I don't care about any friends that you have around the children if they are being appropriate, but a girlfriend when someone is married is not the same. Of course I really wish I could reply back something like: You make me sick, you big slutty sleazebag!!!!
For now, I would reply to him:
"Thank you for being clear about what your intentions are. I would still insist that you don't expose the children to your girlfriend while we are still married, and I hope you'll strongly consider that, FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS. I can assure you, what we each do with them is still -- and will forever remain -- BOTH of our "business," as their parents. The fact that you don't see the inappropriateness of it, FOR THEM, speaks volumes about your decision-making right now. Please reconsider. Karen"
"Thank you for being clear about what your intentions are. I would still insist that you don't expose the children to your girlfriend while we are still married, and I hope you'll strongly consider that, FOR THE SAKE OF THE KIDS. I can assure you, what we each do with them is still -- and will forever remain -- BOTH of our "business," as their parents. The fact that you don't see the inappropriateness of it, FOR THEM, speaks volumes about your decision-making right now. Please reconsider. Karen"
Perfect!
But this one is pretty Fing good too!
Originally Posted By: BethM
I would be more direct in my responce. Probably something like F-u ya' tool!
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
OK, h emailed back this again blaming me for everything and acting like the kids are 5 year olds or something: Again i have never brought up having a gilfriend nor have i ever refered to anyone as being my girlfriend around the kids, You are the one who made this an issue that the kids have had to deal with. It will only be an issue for them if you once again make the kind of offensive inaproriate remarks that you have made on prior occasions. I have to leave in 10 minutes to take kids to swim lessons, and need to pack an overnight bag for them so sent this so hopefully it's not too awful. What do you guys think? I sent this: Actually, S14 knew that was your girlfriend; he's almost 15 and is a smart boy. I have always considered your feelings and consulted the kids' therapist before making these kind of decisions. So again I would still insist that you don't expose the children to your girlfriend while we are still married, and I hope you'll strongly consider that, for the sake of the kids. And isn't he the biggest jerk on the planet!!! Karen
Still a major change from the tone and spirit of my usual emails though!!! I'm nervously awaiting some kind of reply from the horrible H.... 
Karen