Divorcebusting.com

oh, & could you leave breadcrumbs so I can find my friends....

Hello everyone. THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart. Reading your loving words of support is a beautiful thing.

I saw my counselor today. He seemed surprised at how well I'm doing... he asked if it was an act! Nope. Not an act. Certain triggers still make me sad, but I know things will not be forever bleak, and that certainly helps.

Tonight I went looking at new furnishings and found an absolutely beautiful bedroom suite that fits me perfectly. I'm thinking of going with the coastal look - antique white wood with a touch of sophistication. Stunning. It'll take 3 months to arrive, though, so I'm still thinking it over. It's fun to pick out things that I LOVE without wondering if my stbxh will approve. He has such strong opinions and I ALLOWED him too much influence over my own preferences. Our home is 100% "HIS". Not much of my personality comes through. I was weak minded, but now I am strong. I'm hopeful that this strength will be present forever more.

I discussed the box with my C. He thought it was completely abnormal to have a padlock on a box prominently displayed in OUR home and said he'd probably take a hammer and smash it. I told him about this amazing forum and the fun ideas we've had about the contents, ways of opening the box, and new items to replace the current contents. I told him I had great fun thinking of those things but I wouldn't act on them. He chuckled when I confessed my failed attempt at picking the lock.

I also mentioned the OW's voice grating on my nerves the other day and told him I am determined to remain as professional as I've always been at the office. I mentioned that it takes every ounce of strength in me, but I make sure to give her a smile and good morning or good evening greeting.

He gave me a big grin and said he was so impressed with my determination to maintain professionalism and a lack of vindictiveness. And then he said, "you are an amazing woman." Guess what? I believe him!

Now, before you think I have a swollen ego, understand that I realize how good I have it... my stbx isn't evil, he hasn't squandered our life's savings, he doesn't assault me verbally or physically, and, most importantly, we don't have children. If we did, I'm afraid I would not be this strong or amazing.

But, it's nice to hear and believe that people like me for me. I reached out to a girl (she would love that I called her a 'girl' - she's 46 and fabulous) at work recently and last week she left a card on my desk that said sometimes people need to hear what others think about them. And she thinks I have a "beautiful and geniune soul."

This weekend is busy with more packing and moving and I might take a drive up north to pick up a puppy for a friend if I have time.

Please know how much I love you all and how I feel I owe my newly discovered amazingness to so many of you and your loving support.

xoxoxoxoxoo

The Amazing Ms. Imp (wink wink) is signing off for now.

((((Darling Ms. GFI)))) you are one of the most genuinely nice people I have ever had the pleasure to have in my life.

Just wanted to stop by and give you a hug ((((hug))))

Lemme know when we can hook up for grown up fun time...

ms imp

I'm sorry you are here, but glad to see you sound so strong.
(((gfi)))

I think your C sounds wonderful and very perceptive and smart! Glad to hear sounds like you are sounding strong! I'm glad some others realize how special you are--and hopefully soon you will be in a R with someone that realizes that too!!! Karen

Hi Girl -

I found you over here in what sounds like the drinking forum.

You will definitely be very pleased in creating a place to live that is your own design.

Have you seen the Italian gorgeous man anymore?

Just wanted to see how you are today. (((HUGS))))

Love,
C

Thanks for the love, everyone. Kerry, I haven't seen SBIM again. I've spoken to him on the phone a couple of times, but don't have any firm plans to see him again just yet. He has a dreamy voice, though. That accent of his is delicious.

Things are going well for me. Tomorrow is my 4 year anniversary. I think I'll be sleeping at my new place by then.

Last night I was shopping for essentials (iron, ironing board, pillows, etc.) and I was so angry that I'M the one out replacing my things when I'M the one that tried so desperately to save my marriage. However, I realize that I am also the one making the choice to do so. I could demand my husband replace the items, but what's the point? He's busy with work. I'll just provide him an itemization of the replacement items and he can pay me a portion of the expense. Sounds fair enough, doesn't it?

I found a Lionel Ritchie CD while shopping. I love the song 'Goodbye' - perfect for my current state of being.

I wanted you for life.
You and me for always.
I never thought there would come a time,
That our story would end.
It's hard to understand,
But I guess I'll have to try.
It's not easy to say good-bye

For all the joy we share
For All that time we had to spare
Now if I had one wish,
I would want forever back again.
To look into your eyes and to hold you when you cry.
It's not easy to say good-bye

I can remember all those great times we had.
There were so many memories,
Some good, some bad.
Yes and through it all
Those memories will last forever.

There's peace in where you are
May be all I need to know.
If I listen to my heart
I'll hear your laughter once more.
And so I got to say, I'm just glad you came my way.
It's not easy to say good-bye

If only I could figure out a way to hold on to the beautiful memories of my relationship while letting go of any lingering feelings of rejection, sadness, bitterness and resentment... I'm working on it, but it's a process for sure.

I'm thinking of giving him an anniversary card - maybe something gushy and inside I'll simply write: "Soooooo loooooong sucka!"

Good song! It is good to grieve, but try not to listen very often to those types of songs as they will surely bring you down.

Here is another good Lionel Ritchie: Hello

You didn't like my "Soooooo looooooong sucka!" line? I thought that would show I'm not grieving too terribly much. I think the coinciding of the move and anniversary make me ponder a bit too much, but I'm still doing really well.

I also like the song "Sail On" by the Commodores on the CD I have - oh, and "Still". That's another good one.