Hey Mike, I don't have any words of advice, or encouragement tonight. I'm flat out empty. But, I would like a drink.....how about a snifter of Frangelica please.
hey SC...I know you're mty. It's OK. I'm good. Thanks for stopping by. You're good one SC. You give too much sometimes IMO. I hope they all know they are lucky to have you help them. You don't always have to offer up to me, just stopping by is cool. Hopefully the drama is about over.
Good Morning everyone, I have something on my mind this morning.It's bothering me and I don;t really know what to do about it. It's more games, more drama. Do I play into the games/drama or just let it go. That's the question.
Two days ago my D got her first haircut, I was not informed or sent pictures. It's not a biggie for me, I understand why I was not included. I'm OK with that. My mother was included, my mother, sister, SIL and son were sent pictures. My mother was sent picures by my FIL which is strange in a way. I wondered why they came from him...so I snooped..I know, it's private, I invaded her space..blah, blah, blah. I'll give myself a 2x4 so you don't have to. Anyway, I found 5 emails from my FIL to my STBX talking about sending these pictures and seeing what my mom's response would be. Of course my mom responded to him in a nice way. MY mom is 75, she has OCD, she's a Christian lady who is in church every week. She believes everyone is nice and would never do anything to hurt her or a member of her family.
Now, my problem with all this?? In my eyes they have used my D(or an image of her) to play a game with members of my family. I am quite cool about this at the moment, old Mike would have been raging, I would have been on the phone calling FIL and then having it out with STBX..I am calm and brought it here. I want input.
The emails I found have been forwarded to all my family members. Of course my MOm is very upset that STBX and her dad have did this. I can see why my STBX would do this but it absolutely breaks my heart that my FIL would do this to my mother. He was like a father to me. I went to him for advice before going to my own father..
So there it is. Any responses are appreciated. I'll check back in tonight. Work on the house today. I'll move a few small things this morning. Playing Texas Hold-em tonight with friends..
Funny you should bring up the sending of photos in relationship to your child.
This is one inadvertent way that an innocent child gets put in the middle. Can she help it that she's adorable and everyone falls in love with her?
I know I struggle with sending along photos of my daughter (many of which you can barely even see her) in the play to spouse. I am mad at him now, feel like if he wants the images he can figure out how to get them. But I paused at sending any to his side of the family because I didn't want to deal with the debacle (i.e., if I sent them to his family, I'd have to send it to him otherwise it would be blatantly rude).
I don't want to send him the photos, but it doesn't feel right not to.. that I'm being selfish.
Probably the easiest way is to talk to the mother of your child and make a pact to share pictures of your daughter during significant events.. so neither of you completely lose the moment. Would you consider sending her photos from the wedding with you little angel in it?
"...but it absolutely breaks my heart that my FIL would do this to my mother."
Hello Mike,
I've never visited your thread before, but I did read your last message. I'm so sorry your heart is breaking. I understand how this could hurt you, especially since he was like your own father.
I did read somewhere -- too late, of course (after I called all my H's family and friends and unloaded him on them) that we should "STAY OUT OF FAMILY ISSUES WITH OUR SPOUSE'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS."
I know that part of your concern involves your OWN family. I'm wondering if this is a ploy of some sort, in the eyes of your W or FIL to get you to react, which you haven't done. I'm proud of you for it.
The emails I found have been forwarded to all my family members. Of course my MOm is very upset that STBX and her dad have did this.
Mike, sorry but why the hell would you send these emails to your family? I get that you keep them for yourself, but why would you send this to your mom. You knew it would hurt her feelings, why not just let your mom go on about her business and feel good that she got pictures of her granddaughter.
You said no games, but to me this is just that. You playing into it by causing more strife than is necessary for your mom. I just don't understand what your rationale for that was. So please, tell me what your thought process was on doing this?
As far as you not getting pictures, that is just another fricked up move on your STBX's part and is rude as hell. I understand that this hurt your feelings, it is a big deal. First haircuts are memories and she chose not to include you in on that. Very immature of her. It simply shows that her own interests are more important than her daughter to her. Any respectable mother would recognize that her D's memories are more important than her own anger, shame on her for that.
Quote:
I wondered why they came from him...so I snooped..I know, it's private, I invaded her space..blah, blah, blah. I'll give myself a 2x4 so you don't have to.
Last but not least, it is not as simple as you giving yourself a 2x4. It is you recognizing that it is wrong to invade her privacy and that what you did was a sneaky way around simply asking. You don't want her in your private stuff right?So stay out of hers.
"You said no games, but to me this is just that. You playing into it by causing more strife than is necessary..."
Gosh! This is excellent advice from sofaraway. Please listen to it. We are trying to be the good guy/gals in here, action oriented etc., etc. I believe good things happen to good people.
