Actually, I think looking at houses is a lot of fun. At one point I think we had been in every house in the price range we were looking at in our zip code that was on the market.
Leaving a realestate magazine of the area you would likely move to on the coffee table might be a nice subtle hint of how serious you are about moving.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
thats my favorite past-time- we flipped 3 houses in one year - 2 years ago.... so im ready for whatever- thats a good idea about the magazines though...ill go get some! i love finding houses and doing some work on them and adding our flare! we will have to downsize bc we live in a house my bro co owns with us (he's very wealthy) which was another bad move on our part..not to say that we dont appreciate it- but it just adds a piece of control to our lives that wasnt a great feeling looming over us...lessons learned!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
We built the home we sold. I designed it based on everything my W wanted in a house combined with what I wanted. Her brother built it for us......3600 Sqft on 2 acres in the country on a lake. We now live in the suburbs in 2100 sqft on a lot....hence the major garage sale this weekend.
Honestly, althought I put a lot of heart and soul into the ouse we sold....I don't really miss it. It was always a source of resentment for my W in where it was located (too close to where she grew up). I am also enjoying the convenience of being close to everything. I can always design and build a new house.
Would you two be bringing the hot tub? When we were looking at new houses we kept that in mind....we had fun having a hottub while on vacation in the mountains.
TwinDad Me 39, W 36, M 11 W - MLC, WAW???? 2 Kids B/G 3 YRS Old Start of the Long and Bumpy Road..... On the verge of piecing.....a new beginning
i would definitely require a hot tub- clearly it is a therapy session in itself!
that must have been hard to sell that house- but i can see what you mean by letting go...and you are right- life always has room for a new house and changes...there is always something new to build or buy!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
When you started to have interaction with your h, what do you think was the key thing that made him feel safe again or was it a combination of lots of things. Also, when you did start making progress how did you stop yourself from pushing it?
I feel like now I have had that one interaction with my h I suddenly have this need to just text him and tell him little things like I used to when we were together and happy throughout the day. I know that it would seem like pursuing if I started to do that again now though. I know what you are going to say - GAL! lol!
Julia- well i know the main key thing for him was listening and validating what he said. and i mean anything he said including D talk at first. i just heard him and was quiet and kept letting him talk without much feedback from me...as things progressed (to this day) i really hear him still and i only add a bit more of my insight..it is still a lot about him talking and me listening to whatever it is...work stuff, R stuff, fun stuff...i am just very clear with myself that this works and makes him feel safe. i dont change the topic like i used to when i thought he was done...i just keep listening and staying quiet. that is/was a challenge for me- but the results are amazing. als0- after the 1st week there was no pleading/begging/ crying. all he saw was 100% happiness and calm. it was the hardest thing (still is) ive ever had to do. i was miserable but showed him i was ok- why? bc it enabled him to see his own stuff, showed him i was ok on my own and didnt allow any guilt in for him to feel as that would make him run away.
i also would make him feel safe by a touch or pat here and there..very subtle and slowly progressed to more. major self control!
well- now that we are making progress i am pushing things a teeny bit and then i back off...he has been receptive to most of it but a few things he hasnt been so i just go dim for a day or two then he contacts me...that is the hardest part. now that we have been talking more i want to share everything with him...but what helped me was coming to these boards and sharing or with my friends...i think Neil said dont worry- one day you’ll get to share, just not right now..and sure enough a few days later i was able to. ialso dont contact himonly once- meaing if he replies to my invite ill invite him again a few days later if he hasnt by then...
my DB coach saod receptivity to my invites is reciprocalness...
i am having a sad few days- more melancholy actually- now that H and i are on the track to reconciliation- i have all sorts of feelings coming up and i am a little down bc i do want to share my life with him...
PATIENCE was my #1 job and still is. it is the hardest word imaginable...but thats all you can do.
and cherish the times you are together- i have to stop myself from trying to think of when ill see my H next- only enjoy what time we get.
GAL is very hard for me right now- i have to push myself to do much outside of work and exercise..so that goes in waves ..but it does help.
there ya go! it gets easier....you are doing great and it is so hard sometimes. my friend said to me this morning that the saying "labor of love" must have come from a married person!
Pisces M 31 H 32 M 7 yrs S 5/10 Beginning Contact! Vibes Hot Tub Cheese
