Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis WITHDRAWAL/DEPRESSION #4

Well another one bites the dust.....

Ex dropped off the baby about 10 minutes ago. He was so pleasant and talked about what they had done this past weekend. You could tell he was a little nervous but wanted to prove to me that he could be an adult about it. He even asked to help me move a heavy item I had in the garage. I thanked him but did not need it moved since someone is picking it up.

Trusting, this is good. I wanted to post this some time ago but wasn't quite sure how to say. I feel as if I know you see some of us are all following each other rather closely.

At one point you said you told H he had to have some accountability for his behavior...and there have been some other posts where you've sounded....maternal. Which is not bad--except not towards him! Sexy <> maternal (that's a "does not equal," if you're not a geek)

As you know I have not had much success to speak of...but I have decided to cut anything that sounds maternal/non-friend like.

I feel this is good because I think part of it is that H is like a teenage rebel. We're the mom figure. If we can try to have Hs see us as women and partners instead of Responsible Mommies, I think this is a postive thing.

I am trying to indulge in irresponsible behavior. As my time and schedule allow, of course!!

Breton,

You make a good point that I struggle with. I am very maternal and have always been. I do pass this on to my relationship with ex. I really have to watch it. Thank you for pointing this out...

Trusting, If you'll allow me...if are in a "helping" profession, I just wonder if your H felt verbally outclassed. You're obviously articulate and very observant and analytical.

I could see how that would make it tough for H to know how to confront effectively.

You also sound very responsible and sharp. Of course, overall this is good (and I am, too). But I am really sick of it, ya know? I am really sick to death of being Mommy Breton to the teenage rebel, and I want to do some crazy things. I wish I had been less responsible and more free and am working in that direction now!!

Breton,

Thank you for your compliments.

I hear you. Don't go into a mid life crisis of your own though.... that is unless you invite me to one of your wild events.

I don't think I am going to go through a midlife crisis of my own. Probably because I am aware of the ramifications.

BUT I am in the middle of a midlife evaluation...and I think this is a healthy thing.

Ex forgot to register my son for high school today. I called him and he seemed very confused about the whole thing. I told him not to worry about it that I would take our son in the morning and register him. He complained again about how broke he is and how he has to give all his money to me. In late August he takes the kids on his 7th vacation of the year. Anyone have any idea why they constantly say they are broke? It just baffles me.

Because we are to blame for all the ills they suffer.

Mine said today while paying bills; "Do you see this check I'm sending to ___ (a creditor)? And it's not for makeup."

I'm really beginning to think she sees me as a father figure who failed her. I was supposed to make all her problems go away but didn't.

Anyone have any idea why they constantly say they are broke? It just baffles me.

Par for the course! Didn't you read the script, T? It's right out of the script! They want the divorce, but they don't want all the real implications.

Stay the course!
You hang in there, y'hear? You sound great.

also, I'm with Breton: turn the sexy knob up a few clicks.

Thanks Sleeper and Sir,

The money thing just gets me. To my ex everything is about money.....

I also think my ex views me as a mother figure. My ex hated his mother for everything she did to him. When she died, he turned all his hate toward me because he never resolved all his issues with her.