Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Memories keep sneaking in....I still miss him!

I agree with YR. I would also want to be there as well. And do settle this ahead of time.

Treese - I am sorry for your D. One thing about living in a VERY small community, there are no cuts from sports teams. I can only imagine how my D would feel/react if she were cut from the softball team. Be there for her. Find something you can do together with all that extra time you'll have for each other..........

I'll chime with my two cents worth.....this thing with your S's half-brother is a big thing. I think there are things, even those of us that are perfect DB'ers (not me of course), that we can't let be. You need to talk to your H about the meeting. I also agree with the writing it down and practicing------I think it does help. Unfortunately I'm almost at the point where I feel I need to write everything down and think before I say it. Your S's life will change forever when he finds out.

Now, my birthday is Monday. This will be my first birthday with H out of the house, and my first that I may not have any contact with H. My first birthday since my 16th birthday. I still remember the surprise 16th birthday my H threw for me.................I still can't believe that THIS is my reality. I wlll have the kids though, even though it is technically "his night." I keep telling H we need to talk schedule, and he says, I'll call you----but doesn't. I'm beginning to feel like I'm ready to play hardball when it comes to scheduling. I'm just sick of the avoidance..........

Sorry.......started to hi-jack, will go post on my thread.....we can do this, Treese!

Oh my goodness Treese, I have no idea why you still love this man after all that BUT I know people wonder that about me - we just do I guess.I suppose we love the man they used to be or thought they were. I sometimes wonder if he ever was the man I believed him to be.
Looking at it from the "outside" I am not sure how she trapped him, she didn't get her man and she has not wanted nor got any support financially from him sooo what did she get apart from a baby.
Would a paternity test be allowed by you? not sure about your laws. In the UK unless it was court ordered by mother or said father you couldn,t get it done.
If you get D would it be worth all the added heartache.
You need to concentrate on you and your kids, you have more than enough to handle.
I really hope you and your h can reach agreement on IF,HOW or WHEN he introduce's his other son to your son. For both childern this is huge.
I wonder what the present mistress thinks of it all?
Stay calm and strong. Good luck.

TCTE......D laid in her bed all day yesterday....it was so sad...her best friend made the team and didn't even call my D yesterday..D is already struggling because of H and now this...wow.....I did talk to her yesterday,,even made her chuckle a little...but we all know she will have to get through this on her own but I told her I will be right here if she needs me in any way....she is a great kid...it will be okay eventually..probably when the season is over...thankfully it's a short season...


Birthdays....oh yeah.....today is H's birthday...didn't get him anything...first time in 30 years...also first time we haven't spent it together....it's going to be a tough day but I did make plans for this evening cause I didn't want to stay home and think about it...

Then next Wednesday is MY birthday....again...first time not spending it together....but my kids will make it great for me...I will be out of town til afternoon but I have wonderful kids....

Naej....
Supposedly the mother of the child was on the pill when she got pregnant..I just don't buy it..she probably did think he was going to leave me for her....the reason I say she trapped him is because she was the type to just hang on H and so she did get what she wanted...she got to have his child which keeps them connected forever..this will be her only child...and she hurt me in the process....I don't know what H told her about me during that time but we were Happy or I thought we were...

As far as a paternity test....I think my L can request one....but still not sure how I will handle that....when we asked H if he knew for sure it was his he said, "well, she said it was"....it's just odd she didn't want any support or anything and now she is engaged to someone else....he can go after H for support for the kid...

I still have not come to terms with the whole other son thing...I don't want my kids thrown in to that if I can't even understand yet....it wouldn't be fair....

And the new mistress...well she opened her arms to H and his other son....he can bring him to her house so they can spend time together....yeah....that's what I'm dealing with but it's all a fantasy world....do they really think everyone will live happily ever after....

I will and have poured myself in to my children....so much so that I feel overwhelmed at times....just because i have no help...and writing all this is kind of making me angry at H....

I just wanted to get married, have children, raise them, become grandparents, retire and travel...with my H....a Happy Family...
wow...the curves life throws at you....

My dear Treese, I find your story mind blowing I guess cos I was m 31 yrs and have 3 children and my H had an affair- I was destroyed and literally wanted my life to end. I spent several years in a black hole but now am back to normal but it was the hardest thing I ever had to do.
Listening to your story I really don't know how you do it.
I wanted the same things as you but life took a different route.
It does get better, my life is happy now my one regret is that made x never tried to keep a rel. going with his children and only now has contacted them, sadly for him they really could care less.
I really hope you do come to some arrangement as to the meeting but for the life of me can't see why your H would do this.
(((()))))

Naej....thank you.....every time I tell this story to my good friend she just can't believe it.....H and I spent 30 years together....we did everything together....I loved him so much...still do....put him on that pedistal....basically catered to him....just because that was the type of person I was....not because I had to but because my family was top priority....this past year has been so devastating to me and my children....I do sometimes feel as though I live in a black hole....I cry....ALOT! although it is getting better.....I guess what I do most and shouldn't is try to understand it....I gave him everything he needed...why would he do this...not only go have the affair but have a child.....and NOT tell me....then go into his own hole and let someone else tell me of the child....he wasn't even man enough to tell me himself....

my D16 says that her dad had it all and he couldn't handle it so he had to go find someone equally as low as he is...that he didn't deserve me, that I was gaining something...cause I realized who was true in my life and he lost everything....now that came from a 16 year old....who H says doesn't understand relationships...that he would talk to her about them when she is older....sorry but she understands more than he ever will.....

She is very smart....and my D21 says she has nothing to say to him....we were such a loving, happy family....jokes, and laughing all the time....I just don't understand.....I wish I could get some real answers but most of the time we don't...

Unfortunately....it will take a long time for me to trust what anyone has to say to me....and I hate that...I have so much love to give and I want to give it....I think my kids are sick of me loving on them and kissing them...LOL!!!

I did tell my D16 that dad may seem happy but he is definately paying the price.....his children are not speaking to him and that in itself is trying....he loved his kids so much and he and my D16 were the closest....she is taking it the hardest....she said she feels like he stole 8 years of her life....but he's the one who had to put up that front and live with it and now it's even worse....in my heart I know he is not happy....even though he comes over with the smiles and acts like all is well....

He just can't be....he lives in his sister's basement....or stays at OW's house...has nothing of his own..except his car...sleeps in their beds...OW's and her X's....

However....he does still take care of us financially....gives me his whole check...it's direct deposited....the only thing now though is that he gets a bonus check every month and I will not know how much that truly is....he could lie to me, which he probably will.....it will hurt me in the end...I just know it...

sorry for the long post....I got off on the subject...

I dont know the laws in your state but, in my state they dont count overtime & bonuses as part of his income!! He got $6000 last year & bonuses all thru the year!
Its just not fair..now he tell the kids that if htey need anything for school supplies to ask me for it thats why he's paying me..UGH

Chicki.....what state do you live in.....don't they have to go by W2's......I live in OHio.....and if that happens I'll be living in a shelter.....aarrrggghhhhh.......

Thats what I thought too, but when we saw the court mandated mediator she told me they look at only his & my straight salary. She too admitted it wasnt fair.

The 2 main costly thing they were concerend was child care & health insurance, depending on who paid what and how much. I get assistance w/ child care , so if not he would have to pay more.

I live in Florida- no fault state.