This is a woman who has been in a fragile state for some time. I keep thinking that at some point there could be a really low, low.
There's a lot of little child in her right now. She is easily overwhelmed, prefers to avoid responsibility, and is at her best when she can just have fun. Even her enjoyment of Duncan smacks of a childlike response.
This has me thinking - it is SO accurate! Honestly - any ideas of what I can do differently??
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
Journal - We made it through the night. She woke up in a surprisingly good mood considering the events that took place. I held her for a little while in bed and she seemed pretty receptive and talked to me while I was holding her. I thought that was great and meant to me that she is more comfortable with me touching her. I'm just trying to be conscious of overdoing it.
S7 came in the bed before I got up and she was hugging and kissing him all over. Great to see and man is she attractive when she does that!
Anyway - we were in a good place this morning. She called me at the office a little while ago to tell me she found a kennel for Duncan when we go to LG. I also had hurt my eye last night so she asked how it was and genuinely sounded concerned. It's these moments that i love - she seems so good. She had IC this morning but I didn't bring it up. Maybe she'll mention it to me later.
She said she can't wait for LG and that we are going to have a lot of fun. I told her that sounded great.
My S10 has another game tonite so we agreed to go to the Chinese Buffet after the game.
All in all I feel pretty good. I was able to really put my foot down last night and I think we made some progress because of it. Now I won't hesitate to do it again. She knows how strongly I feel about the kids.
I really do feel that we are becoming good friends again and that most of the awkwardness between us is gone. It will be tested starting next week. She has the kids going away for two weeks with her parents and aunt so we will be spending a lot of time together alone.
When i left this morning I did not try to hug her. I don't want to overdo it right now. I felt holding her in bed for a few minutes was enough. I just told her to have a great day. She thanked me and said the same thing.
Looking at some non-negatives right now:
I have hugged her a number of times the last few days and a couple of times she hugged back - she definitely was not upset that i did it. I really only hugged her when she was emotional and looked like she needed one.
I held her in bed this morning for a very short time - I initiated it and I ended it and she was receptive. I was very happy with her reaction.
I spoke my mind about the BB Gun and was very firm about it. While initially she did not react well and was extremely defensive she eventually agreed with me. She got sad and it led to a nice conversation about why I am still here. She also told me that she trusts me. That has been an issue for her for whatever reason.
She definitely made an effort last night to hang out with me while I was playing with Duncan - before she retreated downstairs. I didn't make a big deal out of it but I noticed it.
She called me at the office today. She was in a great mood and when we hung up I told her it was great to hear her voice.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
All in all, I think you handled the past 24 hours extremely well, Mules. You laid down -- and enforced -- a firm boundary with the BB gun, but you also showed true compassion, without overdoing the needy/grabby stuff.
Thanks Puppy - that means a lot coming from you. I learned something about myself last night. There are certain lines that she can't cross with me or I will leave this sitch. The kids safety is the first one. As you know I was upset at myself for letting a few things go in the past, that I shouldn't have. I now know that I will not let it happen again. And if she can't handle it - so be it.
I remember you telling me that I don't want her asking me down the road - why I let her do certain things. I actually think this morning i look a little more attractive to her than I have in a while. And I feel good about being true to myself. I have to keep that up.
M 43 W 44 M 17 T 22 S16,12,9 Bomb 2/05/08 I served her 1/06/09 S'd 3/15/09 D'd 12/21/09
"Tough times don't last, tough people do." --My Dad to me years ago, me to my boys now.
I just caught up on your thread and yesterday's confrontation.
My initial thought was "good for you!" You stood up for what you thought was right -- and it wasn't an M issue -- and stood your ground. And although she retreated, I think the morning proves that you did the right thing.
I agree with the post about your wife's "child-like" behavior... That seems true -- my H is the same way as you know, with the immature stuff. I hope her IC session went well today and it's good to see her looking forward to your LG vacation.
M 39 H 34 D 6 M almost 8 years T 11 years Bomb: 6/5/08
