Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy trying to be patient and strong

Well, I had an exhausting day today. While H was out with the kids I did 2 or 3 hours of cleaning; they came back at 4 and H stayed until 8. Again he was making a creation this time out of a really big branch--it looked like an axe and then made a walking stick for D8.

He was mad about the lawyer stuff on Friday and told me how will I handle it without the L (as she's out of town) without her to wipe my butt for me. He said that twice. I didn't say anything but went & took a shower and afterwards came and told him I thought that was really uncalled for. I explained the L had called me before she left town and asked me if I had the appliances yet and when I said no, and she asked about the convo we had H & I told her about that. It was probably a less than 2 minute call. Apparently my L called as H was wanting me to set up a payment plan and she pointed out to his L that I didn't have a job and H is an L of course. H told me he was going to replace the broken appliances but b/c my L is so difficult that he is just going to replace the frig out of the kindness of his heart. He's such a jerk!

I mowed the lawn today for about an hour, but only about 95% of it, and when I said I would do the rest later b/c I was going to make dinner; I'm just thinking of the kids ha ha (I'm always joking you know). He said like you're a devoted mom, not! I said actually I am believe it or not. (Is H deaf, dumb, and blind: I spend 10 hours a day homeschooling the kids, cleaning, taking them to activities, etc.!!!! He is so nasty! He also came up and briefly yelled at me while I was working out upstairs (trying to vent my frustration out on my stationary bike) that he is upset b/c I always telling him the Ls will work it out, and that he is just concerned about the best interest of the kids, like when he gave me art camp $$ for D8 this summer. (I was thinking I should ask if taking the kids out on a date with OW this Friday was for their best interest, too, but I stopped myself.) He apparently thinks he is like Mother Teresa or something, which is just bizarre to me! Karen

(((Karen))) sorry that H is being an ass, STILL. He is simply trying to make you the bad guy because its easier than looking at himself. Good that you don't buy into it. Don't let him try and make you feel less than, you bust your butt and are a GREAT mom. Don't pay any attention to the words of someone who is so obviously a victim of HUAS (Head Up the Ass Syndrome) it affects millions each year. It seems to affect WAS's most often, with OP coming in a close second.

((((Hugs for you)))))

Wow Karen,

I had to hunt you down to find you!

I haven't read your whole thread but what I did read is not just sad but also very frustrating. Your husband is a very unhappy little man but somehow it makes him feel better to take it out on you. He must feel that he has no control in other areas of his life so yelling at you (because he can) releases some of that self-loething. No matter how you cut it it sucks! You on the other hand did a great job in not playing into his tantrum and believe me I know that that's not as easy as you make it look.

Let me ask you this. When husband first left he took all of the money with him. Oh I had my paycheck but I was using it to pay for my kids daily expenses. My lawyer filed a petion with the court for husband to pay the retainer and it worked. He was ordered to pay. I don't know about the divorce laws in Florida, but maybe you can ask if there is any such thing provided under the Forida law.

Hang in there. You're doing great!

Love,
Bethie

So glad you found me! Yeah, most of us in this section have moved to Surviving, but there are still a few of us left. I'll move to Surviving I guess when the divorce is over or almost over I guess.

We do that have in Florida, and my L is going to do that. I think she is talking about setting that up in September b/c she is on vacation this whole month! She is trying to get me everything; primary custody, support, alimony, etc. even though H doesn't want me to have a dime he says! I'm looking for a part-time job though so I can work but still homeschool the kids (they're AS and dyslexic so hsing has been good for them). Yes, I know my H is a jerk (everyone seems to realize but him), but when I talk to him he seems to think he is just looking out for the kids and I'm a horrible mom, etc. Maybe the OW talks trash about me or something? Don't know, but I do wonder will he ever realize the kind of person he is or is this permanent for him? Not that it matters, but it would be nice if he would become easier to deal with at some point! Karen

Hey Karen --



Maybe not trash, but it wouldn't surprise me if she didn't make "suggestions" that your H picks up on... I have thought the same thing a few times when my H has said something that was so far out in left field, even way out of character for the kinds of mean/sad things he would normally say to me in the course of one of his relationship spews. I figure OW has 'contributed' some of those ideas...lovely!!

But just develop that duck's back and let it roll right off...you know what's true!

((Karen))

L2

Would you want to be his friend? ever? Would you ever want to get back with him? Even after everything?

These thoughts are stuck in my head and I just wonder if anyone thinks these things.

kat

Like acquaintance friendly, but I can't see us being best buds. I mean the way he treats me isn't very friendly at all. If he not only went back to who he was the first 16 years of our marriage, I guess I would have to consider it, but he would have to start treating me totally different, appreciate me some, & stop being nasty, drop the OW, etc.

I just don't see him changing so much. So I think maybe something I am not going to worry about as it is unlikely. And if he ever did come back wanting marriage or dating again, I guess I would think about it at that time. Most likely I may have a boyfriend or husband or something, and once I do that then it would be no definitely not. Not fair to the new person. Kind of those are my thoughts; what are you thinking? Karen

Just that should I be his friend for the sake of the kids? But he never tells me anything, just demands stuff without explanation. I don't know who he is as this alien. Maybe I just need to wait for the pain to go away before I even go there.

kat

I'm so glad your husband lives on the opposite side of the country. I'm afraid if I was in driving distance I would track him down and I would... well, let's just say you wouldn't have to worry about your h treating you like crap. Ever again.

You ARE a wonderful mom and human being. Your h sucks. (sorry)

(((((((Karen)))))))

karen, no truer word have been written to you.

If your H treated you this way even when you were married, there is absolutely no reason to be his friend.

The jerk belittles you and it's totally uncalled for. He's taking advantage of your niceness and he just needs to go.