W sent me an email a little bit ago, she has made a appt. with a C and goes on Tuesday, she has hit bottom. I replied I'm glad you made that decision it means alot. She sent back I am going for me I am doing this for nobody else but me. I said good for you that's the way it should be.
I had a feeling she was crashing just by a comment that she made the other day, she said that maybe she ought to just go fishin and if there was any luck at all she would wind up at the bottom of the lake, now she said she was just joking, but I don't think so it was more of a cry for help I think.
Guys you have no idea how low she is to do this and what a BIG step it is, when we had D17 in therapy W wouldn't even do family C to help in that sitch, so this is HUGE.
W sent another email to me, asking if it would be alright if she didn't come over to the house this weekend to see the dog or me for personal reasons, she said she would text me about the kids if they called cause the are still away til monday. I replied back and said tell you what the kids are in good hands with the IL's if I need to talk to them I can call lets just not worry about that and you take all the time you need I respect that and appreciate you being honest and up front with me on it. She replied okay and thank you.
Now I have no idea if this is a shrink, C, therapist or what and whether or not they are pro marriage I have no idea, I don't think I have the right to ask so I won't. I will just leave her be...
I replied back and said tell you what the kids are in good hands with the IL's if I need to talk to them I can call lets just not worry about that and you take all the time you need I respect that and appreciate you being honest and up front with me on it. She replied okay and thank you.
I think this is so perfect.
You are doing really great!
ann
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
Okay this is all interesting to me. For someone who wanted to have no contact with me for 'personal reasons' sure seems talkative.
Friday night not even 6 hours after she told me 'no contact' she text and had to tell me about the card she got in the mail from the D's, then later texts again to tell me about her bike ride. This makes no sense, but okay.
Saturday morning she is texting me telling me how she hooked up the VCR on her own. Of course I validate her and tell her how proud I am for accomplishing it.
Saturday night she text me for over 2 hours and says she has been watching home movies and how she has cried and laughed and how different we look compared to 10 yrs. ago and how cute the girls are and how good looking I am. So we are going back and forth giving compliments and she asked what attracted me to her so I told her it was her hair. She said is that ALL? I said no of course not, I told her it was her eyes and her smile her ears were cute but most of all it was her intelligence and in your face honesty, but that her innocence was intoxicating, I figured she was asking so I would be honest. She thanked me for that but then the tone changed.
I expected it to change cause it was gettin to close for comfort, her next reply was "hard to believe we are where we are now but that it is what it is." I changed the subject which she didn't like and she said so. I said "we are just in a period of questioning things right now and that's okay all we can do is take 1 day at a time." She calmed down and seemed to accept that.
She said that it was time for her to get to bed, so I said okay to sleep well and thanks for sharing. She replied back with "sharin what?" I said "sharing with me that you had watched home movies and how it made you feel", which I think took her off guard abit cause she replied with "oh I see good night." Told her pleasant dreams and goodbye.
IMHO she should be a acrobat, with the fence she is walking on she could transverse a tight rope with no problem. How it must suck to be in a cloud of unease when the answer is just within reach...
IMHO she should be a acrobat, with the fence she is walking on she could transverse a tight rope with no problem. How it must suck to be in a cloud of unease when the answer is just within reach...
Brian
Brian--
I know EXACTLY what you mean by this. Just last week, H told a F that we have a great relationship, we can talk about anything, we are clued into each other to the point that we can finish each other's sentences. H also talked about the kids and how much he loves them and how excited they always are to see him, that he knows I am still building him up to them. F thought it was interesting that none of this was said in the past tense! F wanted to ask him--"Then why the h*ll are you living on the ship and not at home?"
It is sooo frustrating, knowing that we could be getting on with the business of life and love and rebuilding if they would just let us.
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
OMG...I thought we were the only ones that did that, is it to the point where you can just look at each other and not even speak and know what to do??? Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but to be that in sync how can it be wrong???
She keeps saying I can't say what you want me to, even though I know in my heart and mind she wants to, I feel like saying well look in the damn mirror and stick your tongue out it's right there on the tip of it URGH!!!
OMG...I thought we were the only ones that did that, is it to the point where you can just look at each other and not even speak and know what to do??? Maybe I am a hopeless romantic but to be that in sync how can it be wrong???
That's it exactly! I had a close friend tell me that she knew H and I were meant for each other the night we first met. Dhe said you could literally feel the connection when it happened. All of our friends were betting on how long it would take for us to figure it out. After this weekend, I just wish he would get his head out of his butt!! We could ahve had a really memorable weekend!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Hey Brian, great with all the contact. I think it is her further reaching out to you.
However, I will also say that the validating is good. The over emphasizing that she is sharing with you, forget it.
I think it is more important that you simply listen. I would stop thanking her and maybe just start acting like it is normal. She wants to have a comfortable convo with you and not have it always have to mean so much.
Try and remember to act like she is your best friend right now. Just talk to her,just listen, journal how happy it makes you rather than telling her that so much. She is opening up to test the communication and comfort levels. Just be her friend buddy, that friendship will lead her back home.
Been a strange weekend in that W said she wanted NO CONTACT and yet has text me all weekend.
W again text me tonight, but in a different tone.
W: Hi. Iam sorry I did the exact opposite of what I said I was going to do this weekend. I know I am confusing to you. M: Hey it's okay. W: Part of me wants to file for divorce so you can be at peace and off of this ride I have you on. You deserve to not be put through this. Just my opinion. Not wanting a deep conversation just my thought right now. W: I am not freakin out. I am totally calm. I read a book this weekend watched the race washed the car and started taking vitamins. I am good. M: Good for you. Vitamins are good for you. Iam okay. Worry about you. W: Don't. M: Of course I worry about you. I meant you need to be concerned about yourself not me at this point. W: Well I had one major melt down. Now climbing up. There was only one way to go and I am doing it. M: Yes you are. Good on you. I'm proud of you punk. W: Ah you have not called me that in like forever.
Now there was a few different ways I could have responded to her divorce comment, for some reason I just felt she was searching for just how much I am going to take, and not really wanting out so I thought it was best not to validate it and just be honest and tell her that I am fine. IMO what I said must have been what she wanted to hear, cause then there was some texting after that it consisted of some flirting from both sides started by her so I followed her lead and it ended on a good note.
Well I have no idea where this path is going but it's nice to see her finding herself again in all of this they may not be actions in relation to the M but it does show me that she is trying to change things about her that will in the end work towards the M only time will tell...one day at a time...
All of the communication sounds really positive right now. I am glad she still is reaching out to you.
There is a song that goes with what you are feeling.
Realize Take time to realize, That your warmth is Crashing down on in. Take time to realize, That I am on your side Didn't I, didn't I tell you.
But I can't spell it out for you, You know it's never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you
[Chorus:] If you just realize what I just realized, Then we'd be perfect for each other And we'll never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other now.
[Verse 2:] Take time to realize Oh-oh I'm on your side Didn't I, didn't I tell you. Take time to realize This all can pass you by Didn't I tell you
[Refrain:] But I can't spell it out for you, You know it's never gonna be that simple No I can't spell it out for you.
[Chorus:] If you just realized what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other Then we'd never find another Just realized what I just realized We'd never have to wonder if We missed out on each other but.
[Verse 3:] It's not all the same No it's never the same If you don't feel it too. If you meet me half way If you would meet me half way. It could be the same for you.
[Chorus:] If you just realize what I just realized Then we'd be perfect for each other And we'd never find another Just realize what I just realized We'd never have to wonder
