Just checking in to give you a (((HUG))) while I was making breakfast this morning I replayed in my mind the whole awesome scenario of you running into your H after aerobics!! I LOVE IT!!!!!! You are doing amazing...
Just thought I'd give a brief update. h has been sending me texts and we've been talking on the phone quite often this last week. G texted me to ask how my weekend was (baby step?), and then he asked for my advice about some photos he had taken, and to show me his new website. And then after we had spoken on the phone he sent me another text to say "R U OK?", and when I rang him back he said he was worried that I wasnt OK, cause I got off the phone quickly???
Dont know what that means.... if anything.
I do notice that H will send a text and I will call him back. I'm very aware that he needs to step towards me, and that my usual behaviour is to smoother him causing him to back away.
Also after speaking with him there are definitely decisions that he's making that I think are pretty dumb (eg financially) and I wonder would I want to live with that again, and if I can ever respect him enough?? But there I go getting ahead of myself again. Its so blooming hard to detach!
I asked H what he was doing this coming weekend, and gave him huge opportunity to do something with me.... but I didnt get an invite, although we may see each other if he comes to drop off my coffee machine that he organised to get fixed.
We are going to a wedding in 2 weeks time - so I need to fine tune my hot outfit for that. In very bad news my wonderful hairdresser has up and left, just when I most needed her to attend to making sure my hair looks good!
T - I read on your post that you are recommending a great book. Do you think it would be useful for my feelings about H now?
Thank you for your help on my thread yesterday and today. I really appreciated it- you're such a great friend (just like Lovely T).
I'm so glad you and H are communicating a bit more now- that's really fantastic and so exciting. It sounds like H is feeling more and more comfortable making contact- whatever you're doing it working, so I think keep doing it. Eventually he'll be comfortable enough to call instead of text and you can take a step back and let him do it.
Disaster about the hairdresser issue- what will you do? And what's the hot outfit plan for the wedding? That sounds like it'll be a great DB opportunity!
I'm so sorry, I missed your thread and your question from almost 2 weeks ago!!!!! I just had a sec at bootcamp and thought I would check in and see how you are. I have been very eager to hear how things would go with H after your post-aerobics run-in & hang out!! I am so excited to hear there's been more communication !!!!!!!!!!
Maybe the wedding has already happened by now, but I'm very excited to hear about your hot outfit!!! did you manage to find a new hairdresser??? I wish I knew some good ones to recommend in NZ
I think you will *really* *really *really* enjoy "passionate marriage" and get a lot out of it. It really is the deepest most perceptive & honest book about relationships (and sex) that I have ever read... and you know me, I'm the "librarian!" I've read almost all of them!! I think it will clarify a *lot* of questions in your mind and give you new tools for understanding your H and the DBing process.... at least that's what it did for me!! And I would LOVE to discuss it with you!!!
Oh... I think it's a big deal that you wrote "we" are going to the wedding!! instead of, "I am going to a wedding and he will be there" !!! that is pretty awesome!!
can't wait for the update, and I'm sorry again that I missed your post & have been out of the loop!
Hi my lovely friends! Thanks for your messages - I’m sending you love and hugs from the future! My internet at home is playing up, so I’ve only been able to sneakily read your threads at work, but not post. So here goes a long one to make up. I promise its juicy!
Got asked on a date by an older man. Was a fun night, but we had almost nothing in common and I was seriously UN-attracted to him. But being pursued by old guy and coffee date guy, was certainly good for the ego, and also a good reminder of how a man treats a woman when he’s into her!
Did have some minor interactions with H too. One a few weeks ago, but he had a really sore shoulder. I offered to give him a massage, which he said no he thought it wouldn’t help, and then I said we could have lunch, but he said he couldn’t because his shoulder was too sore. I felt like a total fool putting myself out there to be rejected. On the same day coffee date guy and old guy were both texting me asking me if I wanted to catch up. I was basically thinking this is never going to work with H. But then later that night H asked me if I wanted to have dinner with him.. By that time I’d had a good old cry over H being a jerk, and I pretended I didn’t get his message till after dinner time!
The next weekend I went away with a group of friends on a houseboat - it was really fun, and H seemed very curious when I causally dropped it into conversation.
This weekend was the wedding of mutual friends. After the disaster of my trusty hairdresser moving away, I very bravely had my haircut by a new hairdresser the morning of the wedding. Anyway the haircut looks great - my outfit was super hot (got lots of comments). H & I had a nice time at the wedding which was a lunch time event, followed by cocktails in the evening. I tried very hard to do the extended eye contact (as per OD) without being weird. I tired to talk to H but still talk to other guests. But honestly I never saw H check me out, and I couldn’t see any baby steps. When he arrived I gave him a big smile and motioned for him to sit next to me, but he chose to sit next to my brother. Which makes what happens next sort of unexpected….
So today H comes over to drop my car registration form off. I prepared some nibbles and we sat on my deck enjoying the beautiful weather and chatting. I live in a really great spot, right on the river and its very peaceful - I’m very spoilt. H is living in a dingy apartment (not that I’ve been there) right on a major road. He hints that he misses living here (but not misses me???). Anyway he makes a move to go home, and we stand up and have quite a long hug. Then he moves to go away, somehow this leads to another long hug followed by some kissing. Which leads to some serious kissing for a good 30 minutes. Felt so good….. During this time I’m trying to figure out what I should do next, and I figure I don’t want to come on too strong , want to make him want more. He clearly wanted to move on to the next level! So finally I make a joke about him needing to get home, and we say goodbye (actually we say goodbye several times, only to be interrupted by a bit more kissing).
So I guess I’m feeling really happy. Was so nice to kiss him. He sent me a text after he left saying “you’re a babe”. I’m still unsure whether I want a R with him though??? But I could do the kissing again.
I was thinking its so weird because in those other interactions I couldn’t pick up on the baby steps…. I actually had a good cry in between the lunch part of the wedding and the cocktail part, because he had seemed so un-interested in me.
I’m trying to be a friend and not have any expectations about what could happen next. Am very proud of myself for not bringing up any R talks - its been tempting but I am determined to play it cool.
Essie, I don't have a lot of time to post right now, but 30 minutes of kissing and H wanting to do more?!!!
THAT IS HUUUUUGE!!!
I guess what you do next depends on your goals. If you want more kissing, maybe carry on doing what you're doing- respond in kind by keeping on making contact here and there? Your H seems to respond when you express an interest in seeing him. Maybe he feels like you couldn't be interested in him? I think my H is like that too.
Dealing with inadequancy- let them choose places to meet up, show them they're interesting to you, compliment them, make them feel good about themselves, give them opportunities to acheive things and make decisions......
Great job on the no OR talks. I think you do need to let him initiate them. But don't be TOO cool- warm and responsive, but busy with your picnic, if that makes sense?
GREAT NEWS FUTURE GIRL!!!!! I'm so happy for you- such a great step forward (and a bit jealous. I'm not sure I can remember how to do proper kissing any more!!) YAYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW (OD did it better!!)
Kissing and hugging and wanting more? OMG, for the guy that would hardly talk to you? Jesus!!!! That was a mamouth step, not a baby step (maybe a baby mamouth's step?)...
Good job on keeping it light and cool and easy... Essie I am happy for you, (and jealous)... (we need the exact level of details when you do get tothe next level, LOL!!!) Love K
So! Things I noticed.... I am sure part of missing living in your home is missing you. He can't very well say that, though, can he?
I think we can safely say that he was checking you out at the wedding, but he was pretty discrete about it!
And I think you did perfectly by leaving him wanting more. Now you need to think about what you want, I guess! I seems that is not a bad problem to have!
