Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Trixi trying to find moorage

Hi Trixi - I don't have a lot of time to post right this moment, I promised DD she could get on her and she's *hanging* like a vulture ready to swoop! lol

I just wanted to tell you that I totally get where you're coming from with not planning out your weekends/time etc. I am the exact same way. I would much prefer to hang out at home, work in my garden, paint or read a book etc. Not to say I don't do fun things with my friends, but I don't need a lot of it to lift my mood. There have been times where I felt like Niki has stated, that my H could be interpreting it as me waiting with baited breath. In fact I know he did a few months ago because he said as much. Once we talked about it, he understood where I was coming from. BUT I did stop answering the phone every time he called. In fact I turn my phone to silent a lot in the evenings and then literally forget to turn it back on....its made him wonder.

Thanks Guys!
That's so nice to be validated! I have been "criticized" for not needing a lot of people interaction. When I tried to explain to my mother that being with people drains my energy, she took it to the next level and said "so you don't like people?! You should look into that." UGH!!! I tried to explain that I like people a lot-- I just need to be careful that I get some alone time to recharge. She still doesn't understand and occassionally says stupid things like "well, you don't like people". Good lord! She makes me nuts. She's very much an extrovert and thinks that her point of view is the only "right" one.

So nice to "meet" people that understand.
ANewAmy-what part of the PNW are you located?

I actually get up at 5 am to walk with a gf just so that when we get home I have an hour to myself. We could walk an hour later, but then I wouldn't get time alone. So I totally *get it*.

I am on the lovely Oregon Coast in the Coos Bay area.

journaling-
H came over for Spanish lessons tonight.
We were out in the gazebo that my landlord may need to tear down; it also has a privacy issue where the blocking foliage is blocking the view from the house, but not the neighbors. So H says "You could move this bush over to this side and then you wouldn't see the neighbors." Keep in mind, this would be no easy task. And the tone of it was like "see you could stay here and get privacy." Right after the plant moving idea, he pointed somewhere else and said "well, if you put a fence there, it wouldn't be so bad." Obviously, tenants do not install fences.

H was talking about how great my (landlords) maple tree looks. The more he talked the more mad/sad I felt. I got a little jealous and he says "well, girly, it's still half your house too." (not sure how that was supposed to make me feel better- I don't get to live there with him.) I started getting emotional (looking at the dirt piles that used to be trees) and he said "aw, poor you. what's wrong?" so I tell him "YOU get to know where you're gonna live in 8 months, YOU get all the [animals], YOU just got a whole bunch of new trees and I am watching mine be ripped out." He was cool about it; gave me a hug. I got myself composed and apologized for the meltdown.

Later; don't know what the lead up to this was- but his comment- "what I see for my future? well, I want to keep doing music, and be successful at it, maybe do it full time, have people get enjoyment from listening to it." OH! I know- he was complaining about all that needs to be done around the house and I said "you need a help mate" and he said "I have one. [Guy friend] is staying for the week to help me out." He knew what I really meant and so he continues "I feel I was too dependent on you. It made me lazy." I totally do NOT understand what he means- so I looked at him with a huh? look and he says "Oh, don't worry, it's not your fault." Still not sure what he was trying to say, but I could tell we were done talking about that.

That's all I got. Guess that I feel like he "knows" where we're headed, but won't tell me. I hope I'm wrong. I hope I'm paranoid. As my Instant Messagenger saying says "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to ME."

Sounds like a miscommunication evening to me. My guess is that he was trying to tell you that you have a nice home (even if it's not the one you want), and that with some work it could be better. But I think he meant it all as a compliment. He didn't at all see how you would take it. So it's good that you told him how you felt.

He is all wrapped up in himself. That is sad for you. He has pretty much pushed you out of his life. Will this phase pass? Probably, but I don't know how long it will take. It is not unusual for an artist to be consumed by his work. Just like the Sex and the City episodes with Alexandr Petrovsky.

You still need to join the fb group. Did you get an invite?

Yes- that is exactly right. OTOH, he has said that he can't ever imagine me not being in his life... I guess it's just only allowed on his terms.

I haven't watched much Sex in the City; maybe I should rent the DVDs. Might make me too sad...maybe not.

I suppose that could be true that he was trying to compliment the house--the thing is, I have first right of refusal once the landlord goes to sell in January. My H knows this. He has asked me if I plan to buy, how much the landlord wants, etc. So, it seems to (paranoid) me, that he is trying to pave the way for me to be "happy" with purchasing this home- which of course means I won't be moving back to our house.

Oh, actually I did join fb- heh- I used my real name. I've never been part of fb or similar, so I don't really "get" how it works.

I enjoy the Sex and the City shows. I think by and large it shows a healthy approach to dating. The Alexandr Petrovsky episodes are the last season. But you really should watch them all in order. At least I did.

Once you are on fb, you ask people to friend you. I know you have asked Sunshine. After you are friends, then she sends you an invite to group. You join that and say hi on the board and we all start friending you. That's all there is to it. Others can come too.

WWYD?
H's bday is today. I got him a digital photo frame and a digital photo keychain.
He almost always has a small camera with him and likes to take pics even when it's just going out 4 wheeling, but then these pics just end up sitting on a card or in the computer not being enjoyed.

I loaded a bunch of pics on the keychain that include just him, just me, us as a couple, animals, views, etc from things we've done together this year. I had also planned to get an SD card for the frame and loading it with the cream of the crop pics. (We have over 800 pics from Costa Rica alone, so I thought it would be nice for him to have an already culled group of pics so that he could immediately start using and enjoying the frame.)

I have started to second guess myself.
I have filled the keychain 2/3rds full. I am now wondering if that's too presumptious for me to include pics of me/me and him. Obviously, he could delete the photos he doesn't want..but if he *does* delete me, that would sure sting.

OTOH, I think the gifts are a lot nicer if they come with the pics ready to go. More thoughtful.

WWYD?

I think you've got a fabulous idea there. Don't second guess yourself. What a great gift!

Ditto what Sara said!