Message me if you want the url to the article...for whatever reason it wasn't posting here correctly so I spent some time to transfer it over here...uub code isn't the same as html, so it was a bit of a hassle and imperfectly converted.
Sorry to tell you this Buster, but anything your wife tells you that sounds truthful isn't worth a crap. She's lied to you twice now and took him over there...
My wife keeps telling me she's "just checking email" and I can look on the network and see if she's on her second life website talking to him or not...and most of the time she is talking to him. Often times when they tell you they are respecting your feelings its BS and just a smokescreen.
She MAY be keeping the OM away from your home, but its not for your feelings, its because you have surprised them twice and they likley dont' feel safe there anymore.
Are you telling her what your work schedule is? DONT.
AGAIN : Why are you talking to her? DETACH.
She violated your marital home, SHOW her it pissed you off and what happens when she does this. She did this and you just talk to her and enable her to continue by not showing the damage she's done. END CONTACT with her to show her you don't approve.
Get someone else to exchange your son. You need to get a middle person to represent you so you can distance yourself man. You are NOT following advice here.
OK, remove the text that says REMOVE and then go to that url. I have no idea why this forum insists that the term
EDITED – ADVERTISING is NOT ALLOWED. You must comply with the DivorceBusting.com Board Rules if you would like to continue the privilege of posting here.
"This should be PLANNED WELL by you, but don't tell her you are planning it. Its a big move and all variables should be considered. But it is VERY IMPORTANT that she does NOT KNOW you are planning this move."
OMG!
Mark, you are spot on! I JUST moved back home and my H still does not know. He is suspecting it, and guessing and asking, but I refuse to answer his question.
Buster, I have not read all of your sitch, but it may be the you are similar to my H in the 'wife hitting' catagory, but opposite from me in the PA category. My H is the one having the affair and D'ing me. I was the one who was showing the anger as I was finding out.
Maybe you should skim through my thread: Advice from my DB coach. Recent posts detail my moving back without H knowing. Hope this helps.
mark I have beaten this into her entire family and friends heads....they just say to let her go. I have done eveything in that article except detach. It's time to give up on her family, my family and everyone friends. They will not intervene. They will not do jack. I REPEAT they are useless. Also confronted OM. Useless. Pastor won't talk to her unless she goes to him. USELESS. Everyone is staying out so forget about them. No letter or talk with me or URL is going to work
2. Your relationship with your wife is over when YOU say it is over ----MarkF
ok, I must admit I am surprised that a Pastor won't acknowledge an addiction and do something about it, and you said that if you can get your Pastor on board her parents will follow suit?
How woudl the pastor handle things if you told him she was just drinking heavily or gambling your family's life savings away?
See if he will read the article. He SHOULD be willing to read a damn article and educate himself. My feeling right now is he is ignorant about what an affair is or how to deal with them. That article is a very good start.
Hopefully he would be willing to read it if you printed it up for him.
Please, please go to my thread. Twindad has been advising me every step of the way. Please read his posts on my thread. We really are not to expect ANYTHING from either side of the family. My family has been supportive, but my brother still wants me to let him go.
I have also had interactions with my pastor. He has done what I asked, but it pushed my H further away. Your pastor is smart not to intervene.
Buster, I think you would really benefit from my thread. Honest! I may be stupid, but I ain't crazy.
Note : Detaching does NOT mean giving up. Detaching does NOT mean surrendering to her demands. Detaching does NOT mean to stop loving your wife. Detaching does NOT mean you stop wanting your marriage.
Detaching means you withold your feelings FROM her not for her. She wants to feel you care and love her, but that isn't helping you, detaching means showing her indifference instead.
You aren't doing that. You are feeding her ego non-stop and it doesn't seem to be helping you.
You can try detaching or moving in, or both, its your call, but right now you need to shake things up a bit and change your approach.
You aren't supposed to do any approach at length if it isnt showing significant signs of working.
Giving your wife space and her own home WAS a good try, but she's just using it to bring OM over and ruin memories of your family home. The object was to leave her stay there so it would remind her, but she's decided to hide the entire home with memories of her OM instead.
that's why we reccomended you moving in..keep your dignity and movein. She will threaten and be angry...ignore it.
