Lola, I think I have been told my H was a cake eater since day one, and for so long i believed him when he told me she was "just a friend" and there was only one lone mistake. And i believed him that there was no "affair phone" and I was stupid enough to be comforted the few times I confronted her and she verified his stories - my thought if she wanted him wouldn't she want to upset me rather than soothe me?? All the people on the board told me. But I couldn;t see it and I was wrong, I was cake. I was the biggest piece of cake there was for so many months, I think La Senza(a lingerie store in Canada) set a new sales record, and my H ate it up. And strangley I had this confidence even though I knew my H cheated on me "once" because OW is obese and unattractive and I am not, I felt like look at me, I am what you want. But I was cake.
I was so stupid. I am trying so hard not to be cake now. I have not had sex with him in a month, a month today actually, there has really been no physical contact at all and this is the first time since I learned of the affair. The locks, it is hard, my BIL rushed over to do it for me the first time and within days H had the keys, cuase I was niave. I can't do it myself and I am embarassed to ask again. I am hoping the more I talk to H about it the more he will understand my side. I don't want him to be my enemy, before this he was my best friend.
Last edited by Snow White; 08/01/0808:24 PM.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I hate that you're going through this, but until you make a firm stand and stick to it. This is going to continue. Is there anyway he could watch your D at his parents house instead of yours?
I can understand the embarassment and humiliation. But remember, this is not your choice, and you are not stupid. We believe what we want to believe because we love. There is no crime in that.
As for the locks, what about getting a locksmith...that way the family is not involved. And Amy has a point, your H does not need to be at your house to visit with your D. My XH does not visit our D12 at my house...parents are a good thing. Let him take her over there, and see what being a parent is like.
It's called tough love for a reason...its hard to give, and hard to stick by. It's being co-dependent to an addict, only the addiction isn't a drug.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Tonight was another tough one. Just more bad than good lately. My GAL acivity was joining a co-ed ball team this summer. It has done wonders for me- when I'm there anyways. I have a great time, have met some great people and it takes my mind off things. Most of the time D has a babysitter(family) but 2 times now I have brought her with me. Lots of people bring their kids. There is a park there. Well tonight she came, she went to the park - where I could still see her - and got stung by a bee.
She wanted to call and tell her dad on the way home so we did. I ended up getting told. I would NOT be taking her anymore, if I could not get a sitter than I should not be going. She should not be unsupervised, that this would never have happened if I was watching her. I kind of lost it. I have been a single parent for 4 months and really a lot more than that because he went out 4 times a week before he left us. I told him nothing can happen to her when he's with her cause he never is, and I am a good mom and doing the best I can and in the next 14 years while I take care of her by myself, she might break an arm, or get sick but that won't make it my fault just because he couldn't be bothered to be there.
He backed down and said he didn't mean it that way, I really think a lot of the time he doesn't realize how he sounds. He then came over and brought us drumstick ice creams before going out for his night of leisure "drinking with his friend". I am growing very, very weary.
Last edited by Snow White; 08/02/0801:08 AM.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
SW, I'm so sorry about D and the bee sting. My D has been frightened of them since getting stung a couple of time. She's actually had panic attacks when they've gotten too close to her.
However, bee stings are just part of being an active kid. I can't believe your H blamed you. I like that you stood up to him! Way to go! One of these days he's sure to realize how much of a d!ck he's being to you.
Please, think about Lolas question...the cycle is there and even if not physically abusive all roads point to emotional abuse. You don't need to tell us yes or no because I know it can be embarrassing to admitt to. Please take care of you and your D.
Last edited by JenInVen; 08/02/0803:15 AM.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
I just recognize the signs from my first marriage. He was emotionally and physically abusive, and the same thing, he could come and go as he pleased, but I always had to be exactly where he could find me.
And Jen is right, if you don't want to answer, that is fine. But if there is, please talk to someone...
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I guess the answer to that is kind of. There were 2 instances where he got violent physically. Once was in April this year he got pulled over for DUI called me to pick him up, which I did and then was convinced that I had called the police on him.This is what initiated my exposing to our families and likely why he then felt free to move out.
The second was after I confronted him the second time about living with OW(after he asked for a second chance at our M and we were "trying") I would not let him leave the house I kept blocking his was so he squeezed my arms rally hard.
I want to say again, never, ever before the A did he act this way, he barely ever raised his voice. He never called me names, and I would never in my wildest dreams have seen him laying a hand on me. Both times when things did get physical I stood my ground out of anger (and I am not taking blame) had I walked away I would have been unscathed.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
He seems so angry. Do you think he'd be willing to take anger management classes? Or is he in MLC? Because if he's in MLC there's nothing anyone can do for him.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Just checking in on you. I agree with the girls, get the locks changed again because I worry about you. It is sooo easy to be taken in by them because they know that we love them, so don't feel bad about that.
As for your computer, change the place the password gets mailed to your work email where he can't get to it and you can see that he tried! Hugs
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
