The problem is the way he's looking for a connection. To try and get a rise out of you is not helping at all. He'll stop once he's put in his place I think.
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Regardless of whether it is fear or annoyance, he still has not right to be snooping. Remember, he made the choice to leave and go to the OW, not you. I think part of this whole process is taking a little of ourselves back. You have a right to feel comfortable and safe in your own home, and he gave up the right to come and go as he pleases when he left.
It is about setting boundaries. It doesn't mean we love them less, but love ourselves a little bit more.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
You are right and I just need to be firmer in this. I have busied myself more with defending the attacks on my morailty, ethics, honesty, mothering ect. because the one thing I take great pride in is my loyalty and my honesty so instead of setting boundaries I was busy saying I would never do that! And why do you think that! and I swear I am not doing that!
I have talked to H a few times about this in the last couple days and I think I am getting through. I really want to work on existing peacefully right now it has been very harried for the last month or so, very different from the first 6 months of this ordeal I feel like I am constantly on the defence.
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
That is because you are on the defense, and you shouldn't have to be. I speak from experience, because I have done the same thing. What could we have done differntly, better, been more patient, yada yada. And it is good to focus on that and try to correct it, because we can all always better ourselves.
But remember, it takes two, and you were not the only one in this marriage. He may not be taking responsibility for his part, but that doesn't mean you have to.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
Just wanted to say Hi. I am so glad these ladies have already taken a shine to you like we have. You are in charge of your home now. You get to make the rules. Take care neecy, I will check on you later.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Well I left my laptop at home today, packed it but forgot it at the front door. H stopped in and saw it there, reset my FB password again and then was upset that I was making fun of him to my A@@hole friends. What the actual case was that on Tuesday when he watched D he sent kisses out on FB to men that I know(and a few I don;t) he told me the one he sent them to. I sent him an email that just said, about the kisses, not from me, guess I should change my email and my FB password so a person cannot "forget" their password an get it reset by email.
He replied simply I knew it wasn't you cause when we(he and his wife) drove to get coffee his car was at your house and when I got home there were the kisses.
H said no wonder you are taking your laptop so you can hide these things and make fun of me to your friends.
I was calm, this time. I explained again, I am not hiding anything but I am taking my computer because you refuse to be respectful to me. I am not making fun of you to my friends I am defending myself when you try to embarass me. He told me he will not touch my precious laptop again.
I said too much but I told him there are very few things that are precious in my life, I have lost 2 of them and my computer is not on the list.
He asked what 2 things, and I said my husband and my family.
I also admitted to him I have been posting on here again, he asked and I cannot lie. I know it is not his right to invade my privacy or even know what I am doing but when i am asked a direct question I need to tell the truth(that is the advantage he has always had over me).
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
Hmmm, I relate to the direct question thing. I won't lie either. And most of my friends know they better be prepared for my answer, because they're gonna hear it whether it's TMI or not lol. However, there is always the TOTALLY CORRECT OPTION to say "none of your business"!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
However, there is always the TOTALLY CORRECT OPTION to say "none of your business"!
I guess that's true in the past I have been concerrned about him getting angry if I won;t answer, but now he gets angry no matter what I say so what's the difference
Me~34 H~38 D6.5
EA/PA-DEC.07
Moved out~Apr.13,08 Sep. Papers~Dec.7,08 No contact order ~Dec.9,08 and again October 13, 2009
I am of the opinion that you should be careful what you ask, because you might get an answer.
I am sorry this is going this way for you. I see very controlling behavior in your H, and even though he is gone, he is cake eating. Snow, my dear, change the locks toot sweet. There is no reason why this needs to continue, and you need some peace of mind. I know it is a scary thought, but trust me when I say you will feel like a great weight is lifted off your shoulders when you start taking back little pieces of you.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
