Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives Mulesqb - Still alive and Kickin'

I think "I love you and will always be here for you" are some of the most powerful words you can say to anyone.

I don't care what their mental state is.

Honest words NEVER have to be withheld.


Bill

Bill - Trust me - I love her enough to endure anything - physically, mentally and emotionally. My problem is recognizing the right thing to do during these talks.

As always - thank you and KJ for getting me back on track yet again.

When she says she wants to separate - what should I say to her???


Your actions towards her during this dark time will have a significant effect on the relationship the two of you have when this issue is finally addressed and solved.

This helps to hear this. Right now she can't believe that I am truly there for her because she is hurting me so much. I just keep talking to her about unconditional love - you and I talked about that in my first thread and i have used it every time she questions my motives.

How about, I'm sorry you feel that way? Don't ever agree that she has to leave. I love you and I will always be here for you is great.

I have to say, though, that it fills me with dread because my h keeps saying it over and over, yet wants to be separated. In other words I'll always be here for you, just maybe not married to you.

I know the hurt and the pain. You let her know that you are there, that you will be her friend and help and support her. That is what you can do right now.

I am your husband, and I love you through the hard times as well as the easy times.

I hear you say you think that we need to separate. I would never try to keep you from something that you think would bring you peace and healing. Just know that if you're thinking this way because you think this is too hard for me, or unfair to me, you are wrong.

I am your husband and I love you now and I'll love you always.

We will always be stronger together than we are apart.

I am here now for you, just as I know you would be for me.




Bill

Hey KJ - When I read how your H treats you - in some of his words and affectionate actions - I really can't believe that he doesn't want to be married to you. I know that I can't do or say those things to my W without truly meaning them.

I will be there for her. I can do that. I'm just not as detached as i thought I was. Still letting things affect me.

WOW - Going to memorize that!

The only thing is that she said it because she felt she needed to get away from the situation. She said it is not living - just existing and that she can't do it anymore.

Then you have also let her know that you will let her go.

Which, given the bad days, would probably seem like a relief sometimes.

It's important I think for her to know how you really feel.

Your situation is not a typical DB board situation Mules.

I don't think you're pressuring her by reminding her that your love for her stands as strong as before. AND that it's strong enough to let her go if she chooses to handle her issues that way.

Always speak the truth in love. That's good advice.


Blessings,

Bill

Journal - Last night I met her at S10 camp for the BBQ. She was ok but when she left she said to me - see - I try to do a nice family thing and see what happens! I had no idea what she was talking about so I asked - she said that before I got there S10 and S7 were acting up. I said ok - but they can't be perfect all the time and that once they calmed down it was very nice. She took S7 to the doctor for a physical. When I left the BBQ S14 and S10 asked to go get an ice cream. I agreed but told them I didn't want to leave anyone out. I called my W and she really wanted to come. I was thrilled and told her we would wait for her. We had a very nice time.

I dropped my S14 at my brother's last night. He is going to Buffalo with him for the weekend to play in a baseball tournament. When I got home, my W was already in the basement - so I just went up to bed and didn't disturb her. She came up to bed about 1am and asked me if everything was ok with him and me - I said yes and she said ok and went to bed.

This morning she got up and was emotional. She asked me if S14 was ok. I said yes. She said she is really going to miss him the next 4 days. I was thrilled to hear her say that - as you all know she has been clashing with him non stop. She said she knows she is at odds with him but she is really going to miss him. I said that's a good thing. She then came over to me and told me that she is going to miss Duncan today as she has to work a full day. Again - she had tears in her eye.

The kicker was that she asked me how I am going to dress for my parent's 50th anniversary party. It is in 3 weeks. This has been a source of distress for her. She is angry at my family right now and feels they should be calling her to check on her and they haven't. Because of that, she said she wasn't going to the party. But her parents and aunt RSVP'd back that they were going, so she was pissed. Yesterday when she told me that we need to separate, she started the conversation by telling me she wasn't going. Now exactly 24 hours later she is asking me how to dress for it. She was extremely nice to me this morning and also just called me from work to tell me she went home for lunch and walked Duncan.

I guess she is cycling again, who knows, maybe she called a L and is working on separating and liked what she heard. I don't know, I really don't think that - I feel like I'm seeing some good signs. I really feel like it started yesterday when I told her that I loved her. Hopefully she'll give me another opportunity to say it - but I won't push. When I said it yesterday, I really liked the reaction on her face - it was very different than the last time. Or maybe I am just reading too much into it. Anyway - she is supposed to meet us for dinner tonite after my S10 baseball game so we'll see how that goes.

Hey guys - having a good day - thrilled that my W called me at work and I got hear her happy voice. She has no idea the affect it has on me.

Also my S14 is on his way to Buffalo. He just text messaged me my wedding picture with my W with the words - "this is what stops me from giving up on anything" underneath. He must have snuck in my room last night before he left and took the pic.

So now I'm emotional - but I think in a good way. Hope things stay that way - no matter what happens I have a lot to be thankful for.

Awe Mule, your S14 is very smart. He also cares a tremendous amount about what is going on with his family. I hope like hell he sent the same thing to your wife.

Hang in there Mule, I agree that there are some positive signs. Try and let the momentary setbacks and spew role off of you and keep on trucking along.

ian