I won't try to mold her into someone else, I don't even want that. I love her for who she is and wouldn't change that for anything. I married her because there was something about her that I could relate to, the sex was good but everything else was great, I loved her more than anyone else I have ever met before or since. I would like to truly know her on a very intimate level though and also for her to know me. I think that we have both just closed ourselves off from each other. We never made that step to truly get to that level of deep understanding.
Without going into detail, some of those past HD's I knew might have been good at communicating in bed, but had many other problems outside of that. I'm just saying that "pillow talk" can and does come easily for *some* people.
I don't really see how HD/HD and LD/LD only marriage would work. We know, do we not, that newer relationships basically cause LD people to experience a hormone rush and become HD for awhile? For the most part, I don't see how you'd figure it out.
On the other hand, I was in a relationship with my wife for four years before we were married, and looking back I realize that she was in that HD stage for about two years and then LD for 1-2 years before we got married. But at the time, I was young and dumb and chalked it up to other things. When we met, I was a virgin and she was . . . not. On our first date, we walked and talked all night, went back to her room, and found her roommate very busy with some guy, so she came back to my room. She slept on my bed in my dorm room and I slept on a couch. She was either very trusting or very open-minded, but we kept it to a kiss. I made her wait a lot longer than she wanted for sex (ironic, huh?) telling her I wanted to be sure. When we did it, it was glorious, and she couldn't get enough. But eventually, other things got in the way, to the point that by our senior year I asked whether things would change when we got married. She told me honestly that she didn't know (well, ask a dumb question, get no answer.)
We really thought it was the pressure of living apart, doing student-teaching, trying to graduate, wondering where and how we would live, that was doing us in. And we still loved to do everything else together. I knew I was unhappy about the lack of sex, but it seemed selfish, like I was whining about a small thing. So we married anyway.
Well as far as an HD/HD or LD/LD marriage, I only advocate that because I know several couples who:
*are mis-matched and are miserable...but I also know...
*couples who are matched and are happy!
So that is the basis of my "total scientific approach". LOL!
And again, of course, there's nothing we can do about it after we've said "I do". From there, we have to try to work through the differences, as you know.
Don't you know any couples who never have sex and are just plain happy about it? And then other couples who have lots of it and are happy? These are the matched couples.
Hey Silly - It took me a while to find this again. Not sure if you have seen this before. If we had had this list as young men, we would have had some guidelines as to how to find an HD partner.
Hmmm...when I read that "list", I'm still confused about myself and my past...I know I am HD now, and I know I behaved as an LD person during my marriage...so I'm not sure what I "really" am?
I feel that if I was single again, I could go without sex for a long time.
I almost feel that if I am in a fulfilling relationship, I am HD. But if I am alone or in a sad relationship, I am LD.
So which one am I really? It seems to depend upon a good relationship for me, that is the only ingredient that changes my level of D.
As for the list...it is confusing because I have always had wild sex fantasies, but it didn't necessarily cause me to want to have sex or even masterbate. And I am talking WILD fantasies, crazy, way-far-out-there ones....so I don't see how having wild fantasies is a clue to an HD person, especially since having the fantasies didn't make me want to have sex necessarily!
Kissing, oh yes. I always want to kiss, even when single, for hours on end I could kiss. Doesn't make me want to have sex though, whether in a great relationship or not. Kissing stands on its own for me, and can lead to sex or not, but I always crave it.
Masterbating, sure. I was a regular at that. HD? LD? During either times I will still do it regularly. Does the urge to masterbate really even mean anything about sex, or is it just the desire for an O? Truthfully, during my marriage and I was very LD, when I masterbated it was usually out of boredom. (Wow does that sound unsexy!? LOL!)
I'm just musing and ranting...that list was a good one Cinco, thank you for posting it. I think in general that list could be used to identify LD or HD. But for me, I still do not know really what LD and HD mean to me, or why I vascilate based on my relationships, or if that is even meaningful. To me, I seem to have the feeling that even a truly LD person can raise their level of D through effort, a great relationship, and encouragement.
I believe your ramblings would indicate HD. Look at the description with the list. There is NO fantasy at all, NO masturbation at all, NO kissing at all so on and so on. I look at my wife, who is LD to ND. She does not kiss, talk, fantasize (I asked), masturbate any of it. To masturbate even in boredom is a sexual deal. A LD will not do it for any reason!
Just wanted to mention also...as far as myself being HD or LD...
Does it make a difference if you only want sex with someone you love?
If you are HD, then you are HD no matter what, no matter if you are single or married? If you are truly HD, doesn't that mean that you "would" do anyone who is willing that you are attracted to? ("would" do and actually doing are different things...but I hope I am making the point?)
For myself, I can't imagine actually having sex with someone I wasn't in love with, at least on some level. I have never had a one night stand or anything similar. The closest to that I have ever been is making out with someone I didn't know well, but I did know them. It was not a total stranger. I was fine with that (the making out) but definitely didn't want to go any further.
Without the love component, I simply don't want sex at all with someone.
So again...HD? LD? Maybe I only have "committed loving relationship desire" - CLD? Nothing less than that causes any desire in me at all.
