Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives For Newcomers Archives losing sunshine but gaining happiness either way

She is just trying look at all the bad, not the good, the past 4 years to give her reassurance of her justification of what she is doing is the right direction she needs to go. I dont think you have anything to worry about with the drinking.

My L told me when I told him about W going out all the time said "well, if she is have somebody watch the kids while she is going out, then thats what you need to document. As far as when she doesnt have the kids, it doesnt really matter what she is doing".

Remember the saying "Believe nothing you hear, and only 50% of what you see!"

(((Chris))) I can relate to not wanting to throw yourself away. You can't let yourself down. You have to be ok for YOU! and I for one think you are doing great.

Thanks (((Kelly Jo)))!!!

I am just glad that I was able to come to that decision/conclusion early in the process with the help of DR and this community. It is so easy to allow yourself to go down the drain with these things and the sooner you take control, the better.

All I know is the changes I have undergone and the PMA that I have surprise not only me but my family, my friends and even my C. Heck, my W has even noticed and is confused by it, LOL!

"All I know is the changes I have undergone and the PMA that I have surprise not only me but my family, my friends and even my C. Heck, my W has even noticed and is confused by it, LOL!"

So I think what you said was.. DB works?

Good Morning Jandn!

I'll stop by your thread here in awhile during lunch.



My thought exactly. My L had a term for that....self-justification. Why work on M when she self-justifies her position. Not even her dear old friends can crack it. Influence of new friends? Don't know. Emotions, confusion, stubbornness all play a role too.



My L pretty much said document everything. After she moves out tomorrow, who cares what she does when she doesn't have the kids but when she does, it matters. Right now and for the past 30 -40 days, it is all relevant based on the SD statute governing determination of the primary caregiver as the one who provided the majority of care for the 30 days prior to the motion.



I love this saying. Easier said then done in the beginning but the more you say it to yourself, the more you begin to believe it and the easier it is to live it.

Absolutely as long as you don't focus too much on one outcome or the other. If you leave that to God and focus on what you can do and can control, happiness is not just in reach but will be there.

Chris, very good posts anmd very good exchanges. You're doing extremly well in a very fast paced situation. Continue on the path you are on.

and hang in there.

Thanks Mike! I can't tell you and everyone else how much the positive reinforcement from you all really just adds to my overall attitude.

And your saying in your sig just caught my eye. This is life and reality. We need to deal with it and move forward. Not succomb to it and let it dictate what we do and how we feel.

Some positives amid the crap from yesterday and this morning. She called me "honey" several times last night and this morning when she handed me my son to take to the car, I said "take care and have a good day" and she responded with "I love you" and then there was a pause when I was walking away, then came "my sons name". Oops! I think she let that slip out, LOL!

Chris

I posted this on Jandn's thread and thought FG, Sandi, Mike, Stubby, Phx and everyone else I may have forgotten could reflect upon.

"Another thought from a book I am reading "Confident Parenting" by Jim Burns. There is a section on discipleship and how it applies to raising kids. I have been thinking on how to apply it ourselves or within the community. I think you will see that the folks here, especially those much more experienced can be viewed as disciples.

I do you watch
I do you help
You do I assist
You do I watch"

I think it's great that this board has you disciples. As newbies, we come on here and post. You watch. We post more after reading DR and start applying the principals. You help. After awhile, we transition from newbie to somewhat enlightened status as we have learned from our experience. We begin assisting others. Nice cycle of support all made possible from the generous sharing and advice.

Chris

Need to vent. My W is in freakin lala land.

So she just called me and basically wants me to close our joint account and for me to cover the mortgage that is due tomorrow and that she just walks away from all of our marital obligations prior to any settlement or judgement. I had to inform her of the facts so now I am manipulative.

She said so now I have to pay for my place and yours. Yep. Until this thing gets settled or a judgement is rendered.

She is not happy but I said if you don't believe me, run it by your lawyer. We are both responsible for our marital financial obligations until otherwise told. If she walks away before the 14th she is just setting herself up. I can't freakin believe it.

Has anyone else encountered this? Am I wrong here?

Chris