Thanks Dance Queen, I know it won't be the cure all and that we definitely have other issues to work through. But I do think it will be a help. It will give us both some self confidence that is lacking in that are.
I also agree about the pressure. I always feel like I have a pressure to perform. That whenever we are together he is never in the moment. He gets too caught up in hoping this will be the time. Then I feel that he isn't enjoying himself, he is looking at this as a job. So then I disconnect mentally and then so does he. It is a vicious cycle.
I think if we/ he would just relax, have fun and let us enjoy the moment, things could just happen naturally. We have to start slowly before we can get back into the ML stage. Right now I want to work on other ways to show physical affection.
I will also be working on myself in the mean time. Either way next week when My Daughter's are away, It looks like I will be having a fun time.
Thanks so much, Shelby
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
FWIW, the Eroscillator may well be better for transitioning to direct manual/oral stimulation as it is better at mimicking that kind of stimulation, more or less, depending on chosen attachment.
NTE,
" What scares me about a no O woman are the ones who won't try to find a way. As a man, at that point all you are doing is masturbating in somebody else's body."
Certainly this is false. A woman can certainly enjoy sex and genuine intimacy without having an O.
While a woman might require genuine sexually intimacy to have an O with a P, the reverse is not true.
Now, if you were to say "having sex with a woman not at all emotionally present or interested in her own enjoyment of sex or mine, in sum, a woman who is emotionally and physically absent during sex, is like masturbating in someone else's body," I'd probably agree. Worse, I'd go further and say that it amounts to some form of sexual abuse unless the woman positively affirms that she is OK with her body being used as meat. Otherwise, the woman is playing the victim role and her partner the (ab)user.
If sex like that is occurring, each sexual encounter will make the next less likely and more traumatizing for the woman — a sure way to keep a woman LD or ND.
(Note: I have no problem with single/mutual masturbation with the partners using each others' bodies in various interesting manners, with one- or two-sided Os involved. A happy balance is what matters. The sexual abuse aroma enters in when one of the people involved is not participating and is emotionally absent.)
Shelby - check out oldtimer's suggestion about that specific vibe! It might be worth the extra effort, especially since she says it comes with video instructions.
But if you don't have the time, the drug store variety will be just fine.
And Shelby...I really hope and pray for your sitch, I will keep checking your other thread for updates. But separately from that, I am happy and excited for you to be able to have an O for the first time possibly! Woo hoo for you!
"The second type of guy, and I have had them, will try to tell YOU how you are not "normal" and that "every other woman he has been with has been able to O from intercourse alone, so what is wrong with YOU"."
LOL, I had to laugh at this. Sadly, it seems a majority of men think that (1) they are the ones who can tell when a woman is faking an O, (2) women don't fake Os with them, and (3) that they reliably make their Ps O through intercourse alone. Yet, despite their Ps having reliable multiple unfaked Os through intercourse alone, their Ps don't seem much interested in sex.
What is wrong with this picture? (1) they can't tell if a woman is faking, (2) their Ps fake Os with them and have their attention on acting rather than being genuinely present for the sexual intimacy, so (3) their Ps don't make them O reliably (if ever) so sex gets pretty darn uninteresting. The woman in this cycle has at least as much ownership in perpetuating it as the poor guy in the dark. But it is a pretty ugly cycle that is incredibly difficult to break, in no small part because of the delicate male sexual ego.
Just so you will know and understand that I am not bashing men...
I want to admit that I HAVE BEEN TOTALLY IGNORANT IN MY PAST AS WELL!
I did not realize that not all men are the same, that they have different needs, desires, etc. When I was younger and completely ignoramous, I thought all men were like my husband being that he was my only real experience for a long time. Therefore, whatever made him O, the way he liked it, the amount of time it took him, etc....I thought that was "how men are".
I didn't realize that other men may be different, take longer or shorter to get off, had different needs, likes, dislikes.
As stupid as that sounds, that is how stupid I was. And there were lots more stupid things I assumed, based only on what I had seen first hand.
So...I myself was one of the ignorant people, and if I could go back in time and slap myself silly, I would.
Just one quick note. My Husband was my first, and my only lover. I have never faked it with him. Sometimes I have questioned myself that maybe I should have, in the beginning because then it might have taken some of the pressure off. But then again then I would be lying and that would have gotten us no where good either.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Shelby - I am so glad you never faked it. That would have led to a much bigger problem in the long run. GOOD FOR YOU!!!
I personally have never faked one in my life, as I never saw the point in being dishonest about something so intimate. And there were plenty of times when it would have been so easy to just get past that moment when he is staring at you, expecting it to happen, pressuring you for it...to just have pretended to do it and then he would be "happy". But....instead I had to be very brave and say "sorry hon, it just doesn't seem like I'm going to make it this time, can we try again later?" And in saying this, I may have disappointed him, but at least he respected my honesty.
Lucky for me, that is all in my past now....I finally learned my own body well enough, got past my emotional hang ups, and also, I finally have a partner who just really REALLY turns me on and knows what he is doing.
I have always had no trouble having O's by myself. It was only when someone was "watching me" (ie: that's how it felt to me) that I would have trouble, feel pressured, get insecure, etc.
It took me a long time to work all this out - - I am 41 years old now. And I have found that time really has been my friend in this. Once I took all the pressure off of myself and allowed myself to forget about it for as long as it took until I didn't feel pressure any more....ahhh....it was like a huge relief and mentally, I finally got over all the "stuff" involved.
